


The Perfect Crime

by DarkWolf22



Category: K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Angst, Boys' Love, Child Abuse, Eventual Smut, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Mild Smut, Mystery, Psychological Trauma, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Psychology, Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2019-06-10 05:58:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 66,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15285189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkWolf22/pseuds/DarkWolf22
Summary: When you're trying to fix someone broken, you must take care or else you'll end up getting cut by their shattered pieces.Do Kyungsoo is a 24 year old Psychiatrist and he tries his best to fix people, whereas Kim Jongin is a cold and sadistic 21 year old criminal who breaks people.He was once a nightmare until he was finally caught for his crimes - and he doesn't regret doing any of them.That is, until he commited the perfect crime.'Perfect crime is a colloquial term used in law and fiction to characterize crimes that are undetected, unattributed to a perpetrator, or else unsolved as a kind of technical achievement on the part of the perpetrator.'-Extracted from Wikipedia.Achievements:- Nominated for 'The Kingka Awards' in 'The KPOP Watty Awards 2016'.- Won 'The OTP Awards' category in 'The KPOP Watty Awards 2016'.





	1. Patient 0751 : Kim Jongin

**Author's Note:**

> ©COPYRIGHTED DarkWolf22 2016
> 
> NO PLAGIARIZING.
> 
> NO DISTRIBUTING.
> 
> JUST. NO. I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN. -_-  
> 
>  
> 
> If anyone wants to translate this story, please contact me first before doing it. Ask in the comment section or PM me. Under no circumstances is plagiarism of this story accepted.
> 
>  
> 
> Pairings : Kaisoo (main pairing). Taoris (side pairing). Sulay (side pairing). Hunhan (side pairing).
> 
> Warning: Bloody at times and there may be descriptions of murder and such.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in the following story. The following events are purely fictional. Any reference to similar events is not to be taken as an offense. 
> 
> Footnotes: This story may consist of sensitive material to some readers. It will be gruesome (only at times, so there will be a warning beforehand). This story is angst. ANGST. A.N.G.S.T. I warned you. Don't tell me in the future that you are disappointed in the story because it got 'angstier' or tragic. And as I am a loyal lover of angst, Character Death is also possible, just highly unsure as of yet about which direction this story is headed in xD
> 
> Chapters may/ may not be crappy depending on my mood and the time I update (since I usually update at an ungodly hour :'D).
> 
> Other than that, please enjoy the story. Feedback is highly appreciated, be it constructive criticism or not! :)

 

 

 

 

**WARNING! MIGHT BE A BIT DISTURBING! DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!  **

 

 

Do Kyungsoo walked through the empty corridor with a yellow file in hand that bore the label 'Patient 0751', his footsteps echoing eerily off the white walls. The mental institute he got called to recently to help with the treatment of a new patient was boring. It was like a labyrinth of just white tiles everywhere he looked and misery clung to the walls that carried the constant shouts and screams of some of the patients. Luckily for him, he had been at the institute once before when he had been assigned to another patient.

Kyungsoo is a successful twenty-four-year-old Psychiatrist. It's not that he's had much of experience in the field, but he was naturally good at what he does; not in the entire city, but more or less like at the institute although there were much better ones as well, and his ability was a talent which he planned to unleash to the fullest potential. He knew he was good at dealing with mentally affected people, and he wanted to help them become better.

It's ironic, though, how he manages to help others cope with their emotions and feelings whereas he is devoid of all of those. It's not like he is a person with a cold, dead heart, or that he doesn't smile or laugh, or that he has a big head (okay, may be a little), it's just that most of the time his facial expression seems to show shock; nothing more and nothing less. He tried explaining that he has big doe eyes, but he got tired of explaining that over and over again so he started to say 'life is full of surprises'. But he had laughed and smiled and felt other emotions as well at some point in his life.

Now he just wore a stoic expression as he walked through the empty corridor and went through a big door to the hospital cafeteria. He quickly walked over to the cashier and ordered a coffee and paid the boy behind the counter.

Placing the yellow file on top of the counter, he grazed his fingertips over it carefully, wondering what the hell was inside for the hospital to specifically demand him.

_You must be very interesting,_  Kyungsoo unconsciously thought, and smiled to himself; he did love a challenge now and then.

The boy handed him his coffee and Kyungsoo gave a polite nod before seating himself at an empty table in the almost empty cafeteria and placing the file directly in front of him, unopened.

People were like toys, and the type he dealt with were broken, but nevertheless mendable. They just had to meet the right person to show them which path to take, and Kyungsoo did just that.

Everything begins and end with the human mind. The human mind is a powerful weapon filled with an infinite galaxy of ideas, possibilities and never ending imagination. When using a weapon, man must take care because it would either help them or destroy them, and the human mind is capable of doing both to the user. A single thought born in the mind is could result in a life-changing moment, and it could be good or bad.

The human mind is a wonderful servant but a tyrannical master, thought Kyungsoo, and everyone who he dealt with was unknowingly a slave of their own thoughts. It is very much easier to be left in the dark than in the light; it is very much easier to follow the dark than the light.

Kyungsoo dug into his pocket for his glasses and put them on. Pushing them up the bridge of his nose, he ran his fingers along the edge of the file and before finally opening it. There was a picture of a boy - may be in his late teens – at the top of the sheet.

_So, you're the little troublemaker?_

The boy had brown hair that fell over in bangs, casting shadows over his eyes. Brown, beautiful eyes which looked like they had seen too much bore into Kyungsoo, but above all that, it was the smirk that the boy was wearing which unsettled Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo would be lying if he said that he had never felt at least a fleeting sense of doubt when assigned to a new patient, because he did; every single time, but the boy's smirk had icy fingers dancing up his spine.

After a few long moments of carefully observing it, Kyungsoo moved onto reading the sheet about the patient as he sipped on his coffee.

 

 

**Name:**  Kim Jongin

**Date of Arrest:**  Friday, 13th June 2014

**Place of Birth:**  Suncheon

**Nationality:**  Korean

**Age:**  21 years old

**Height:**  182cm (6 ft 0 in)

**Weight:**  65 Kg

**Eyes:**  Brown

**Scars and Marks:**  Lacerations present on the chest, stomach and back. Some age years back while others seem recent. Second-degree burn marks are also evident on the patient's back. Patient claims to have self-harmed in the past, but it has not been confirmed. Otherwise, sources are unknown.

** Crime History **

• Torturing and murdering of two adults; one male and one female. The bodies were found tied to two chairs and gagged and were found to also have had second-degree burn marks, fresh lacerations on the chest, stomach and the back as well as candle wax on the bodies. Both corpses were found three days after their deaths when the neighbors complained of a foul smell coming from their house. By then, the subject had run away

• Assaulted two police officers and resisted arrest when he was found four days after the discovery of the bodies. The officers were physically assaulted and nearly murdered. One of the officers was shot in the process

• Physically harming innocent civilians and stealing from them. A total number of seventeen people were violated during his escape; of whom thirteen were adults and four were children (all above the age of fifteen)

** Extra Information **

• Patient has been observed to have IED (Intermittent Explosive Disorder)

• Patient sometimes has short and minor flashbacks of memories if told of something related to his past and tends to become impulsive and violent

• Patient is not allowed to be given anything; unless permission is granted from the Head of the Department

• Patient has also physically harmed six psychiatrists, who were all assigned to him, during his stay at the institute

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo, who had been sipping on his coffee, involuntarily choked at the last line of the report as his eyes flew back to the date of arrest.

_Holy shit! He's been here for only one year and nine months but he managed to chase out six doctors!_

Shaking his head, he placed his coffee by the file and took three photographs in the file. They showed the front and back view of the patient shirtless.

_Why hasn't anyone thought of putting 'Being ridiculously good looking' in your crime history?_  Kyungsoo thought, trying to lighten up the mood as his stomach tightened in knots at the first two images.

There were scars all over his chest, stomach and back just as the report had said, and they were a horrible sight to see. Kyungsoo felt bile rise up the longer he stared at the images. His back bore most of the damage; cuts and bruises and angry looking red blisters caused by burns.

_Obviously, this isn't the result of self-harming,_  Kyungsoo thought disgustedly.  _No idiot would believe that. Who the hell would do something like this to him?_

The third picture was the worst of all, and it wasn't a picture of the patient; it was a picture of the two bodies.

The cloth that had been tightly wound around their mouths to muffle any noise was soaked through, which Kyungsoo could guess was only saliva. The dead eyes had been opened in terror and showed the immense amount of pain they had experienced. Some places of the skin on both bodies were charred while others were covered with candle wax, and there was a lot more candle wax on the floor lying around the bodies as well. The other places which didn't have candle wax were caked with layers upon layers of dark crimson, dried blood. Both the adults' legs and hands had been secured tightly to the chairs leaving them with no possibility to escape.

Kyungsoo stared at the picture with wide eyes.

_He was nineteen when he did this..._

Placing the pictures back in the file, he looked at the record sheet again. He stared at the picture of his patient again, this time longer than before. Whenever he had been assigned a new patient, and had read their record sheet, there was a certain thing in their eyes which displayed the guilt of having committed crimes. They are not like the 'actual' killers that Kyungsoo labeled them as. These 'actual' killer enjoyed it and never regretted any of their crimes. Ever. You could see it in their eyes. These people carried the guilt on their shoulders with each passing day and immensely regretted having harmed strangers or even the ones they know.

While looking at the picture again, he realized, that his patients' eyes didn't show even an ounce of regret of the things he had done. Nothing. His eyes instead showed a dangerous and mischievous glint which again made Kyungsoo shiver, and the smug smirk across the patient's tan face didn't help at all either.

_It makes him look as if he already is a master or something,_  Kyungsoo unconsciously thought shivering.

_What the hell am I getting myself into?_  Kyungsoo thought for a split second.

Then, he closed the file shut and inhaled and exhaled, focusing his mind once again to his given task.

_Relax, you've done this sort of thing before and you can do it again. No sweat._

Kyungsoo drank the remaining coffee and reopened the file. His lips turned upwards into a small smile as he looked at the picture.

_Kim Jongin, you won't be smiling like that once I'm done with you._

Kyungsoo's lips extended further into a full-fledged smirk that matched the patient's one perfectly.

_Just wait, I am going to break you, Kim Jongin._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A/N

How was it? Good? Or bad? 

Lemma know what you guys think about it pretty plssshhh?!?!

I will upload the other chapters as soon as I can too :)

Love ya'll!

-DW


	2. The 'Do's' And 'Don'ts' When It Comes To Kim Jongin

Kyungsoo was standing outside the Head of Department’s office debating in his head how many times he should knock on the door. He had heard of the Head to be an impatient man and he didn’t want to get on his bad side on the first day of his work with his newly assigned patient by knocking too much or too little on the door. Thankfully, he was saved from having a mental breakdown over something so trivial when another doctor knocked on the door.  
  


“You gonna go in or what?” the doctor, a tall blond, asked him.  
  


“Oh, uh, yes,” he said and followed the male in.  
  


The Head, sitting behind a large desk almost hidden behind the mountain of files and papers piled up on his desk, looked up as the two entered.  
  


“Doctor Yifan, how may I help you?” the Head asked.  
  


“Well, first of all, how about by changing the TV stations which show sappy dramas of breakups to something like Disney or something, that would be an improvement,” the doctor – Yifan – said tiredly.  
  


The Head sighed, “What did Tao do this time?”  
  


“Oh, nothing much. He just happened to watch a drama where the guy and the girl broke up, and he flung a chair at the TV and he punched Yixing’s nose when Yixing tried to calm him down,” Yifan said nonchalantly.  
  


“He did WHAT?!” the Head screeched, his eyes becoming thrice their size. “Is Yixing okay?”  
  


“Relax, your fiancé is fine. It wasn’t that bad this time.”  
  


The Head stared at Yifan with a narrowed gaze before he sighed deeply. “Fine. What did you want to talk about, then?”  
  


“Didn’t I tell you? I want you to change the bloody stations they show on TV over here, or else Tao is going to murder someone soon,” Yifan said crossing his arms.  
  


“Are you serious? That is what you wanted to tell me?”  
  


“Did I look like I was joking?” Yifan said, his thick brows going up and meeting the Head’s gaze with an equally serious one.  
  


The Head pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply again and remained quiet for a few seconds before looking at Kyungsoo.  
  


“What is it that you want, doctor?” the Head demanded after a few moments of silence with his arms crossed over his chest.  
  


It took Kyungsoo a few seconds to realize that the Head was talking to him.  
  


“I- I was told to come to see you before I started my work with my patient, Sir,” Kyungsoo stammered.

As small as the Head looked, Kyungsoo found him to be a very, very intimidating man. “Me?” the Head asked, his forehead creasing and brows furrowing in confusion. “What’s your name?”

 

“D-Do Kyungsoo, Sir,” Kyungsoo replied politely.  
  


The Head’s eyes went round in surprise as he did a small, sharp intake. “Do Kyungsoo? Your patient is Kim Jongin, am I right?”  
  


At that, even Yifan looked at Kyungsoo in surprise as his brows shot up.  
  


“Yes, Sir,” Kyungsoo answered.  
  


“Joonmyeon. Call me Joonmyeon, please,” the Head said as he walked up to Kyungsoo and held out his hand. Kyungsoo took it and noticed that Joonmyeon had one hell of a crushing grip as they shook hands.  
  


“You are starting work today, is it?” Joonmyeon asked.  
  


“Yes,” Kyungsoo said nodding his head.  
  


“Well, I just wanted to make sure you know exactly what you’re dealing with. Too many doctors have been hurt because of Kim Jongin. If at all he harms you, in any way, please be sure to inform me, okay?” Joonmyeon said.  
  


“Yes, Sir,” Kyungsoo replied.  
  


“Oh, and doctor, make sure you do not take anything inside when you go; not even the clipboard that you usually take to make notes.”  
  


Kyungsoo looked at Joonmyeon with a questioning gaze at that. “But I always take it with me, I don’t really write notes after everything has happened.”  
  


“Well, you better get used to writing them after everything has happened because there might not even be an ‘after’ if you take one in,” Joonmyeon stated strictly.  
  


Kyungsoo was beyond confused, but then Yifan spoke up.  
  


“He hit me with my own clipboard. I was the third doctor assigned to him and that bloody sonofabitch knocked me out cold with it. You’re better off going in without one, and you’ll be even luckier if you make it out in one piece without blood being spilled in that damned room,” Yifan said, his forehead creasing as he seemed to remember what had happened.  
  


“Oh.” Was all Kyungsoo could say.  
  


“Now, now, he’s just exaggerating, do not pay him any attention, Kyungsoo,” Joonmyeon said as he shot looks of daggers at the tall blonde who merely shrugged casually.

“Also, you will be having one hour sessions with Patient Jongin, am I right?” Joonmyeon asked and Kyungsoo meekly nodded in agreement.

“Well, I have work that needs immediate attention, and you two,” Joonmyeon said looking at the two males, “need to get to work - now. Yifan, please try to control the amount of television Tao watches and make sure that next time my Yixing isn’t anywhere near there when someone gets killed or if they break up. Understood?”

Again, the blonde just tilted his head to a side and shrugged lazily.

“Doctor Kyungsoo? I wish you all the best of luck with your patient. I know you’ll do well; I can just feel it,” Joonmyeon said smiling wide as he led the two towards the door and hurriedly ushered them out.

“Joonmyeon, I’m not kidding; you _must_ change the stations, Tao is getting bloody depressed about them. Heck, even I’m getting bloody depressed! And you know what I get at the end of the hour after my session with Tao? A shirt full of tears and snot. That’s what! I have never used so much Detergent in one week and the companies are going to shut down at the rate I keep using them. Even the supermarket workers know how much of Detergent I buy in a week, and now they think I fucking roll in the mud like pigs and get dirty to want that much Detergent.” Yifan said in one last desperate attempt as he threw his hands up in a motion of surrender.

“Deal with it, Yifan; life is cruel and it shows no mercy,” Joonmyeon said as he shut the door behind the two doctors.

Yifan’s hands formed into tight fists and he grit his teeth till Kyungsoo could see the veins popping out along his neck in tight chords and a pulse throbbing angrily near his temple.

“Yeah? Well, deal with the fact that he threw the bloody chair at the new television you got! The curved TV!” Yifan yelled before stomping away angrily.

Kyungsoo also turned to walk away and he could hear a glass smashing into pieces inside Joonmyeon’s room; he could imagine the look of horror that must have dawned upon the features of the Head.

Kyungsoo walked in silence a few paces behind the fuming giant and he swore he could almost see the plumes of white smoke coming out of his ears.  _Almost._

Suddenly, Yifan stopped when he arrived at a part of the hospital where the single corridor split into two separate ones. Yifan whirled around to face Kyungsoo, making the shorter male come to an immediate halt.

As Kyungsoo looked up at the face of the tall man in front of him, Yifan asked, “What time do you have your session with Jongin?”

“In thirty minutes, actually,” Kyungsoo replied surprised as he looked at his watch fastened around his left wrist.

Yifan looked him up and down before he finally spoke again, “Okay, I don’t know why Joonmyeon chose you, but the guy has to obviously have his reasons for doing so. Just stay safe, that’s all I can tell you.”

Kyungsoo laughed softly, “I think I should be saying that to you. Didn’t your patient throw a chair at a brand new television and destroy it?”

Yifan pressed his lips tightly together. “Well, that’s better than having a chair being thrown at _you_.”

Kyungsoo’s laughter ceased immediately as he stared wide-eyed at the blonde.

“At me?” He asked incredulously. “He won’t throw a chair at me, right?”

“Oh, no no no.” Yifan said, waving his hands in front of Kyungsoo’s face before they dropped stiffly to his sides and his features contorted into a strict expression. “He’ll throw a ton of butcher’s knives at you if he could, actually.”

“Oh.” Kyungsoo muttered, his eyes going slightly wider.

Yifan, feeling a little apologetic towards the doe-eyed doctor whom he had probably frightened the wits out of, gently patted the shorter male’s shoulder reassuringly.

“Hey, calm down. It can’t be that bad; Joonmyeon has had years of experience so you can trust him. He chose you because of a reason, you may not know what the reason is now, but you probably will in the future.”

Kyungsoo just nodded as he tried not to think of the tan colored male he saw in the picture throwing chairs at him. Or butcher’s knives. Or both. He shuddered at the thought.

“Well, my session with Tao starts in another thirty minutes as well, so, I gotta go get ready. You’ll be fine on your own?”

“Uhm, yeah, sure. I can manage,” Kyungsoo said.

“Well, it was nice meeting you, Doctor Kyungsoo,” Yifan said as he held out his hand.

Kyungsoo took the large hand and smiled as they shook hands, wincing a bit when his smaller hand was crushed within the giant's large grip. “It was nice meeting you too, Doctor Yifan.”

“But before I go, let me just tell you the ‘do’s’ and ‘don’ts’ when it comes to Kim Jongin. No clipboards; he will smash your brains out with it. No pens or pencils; he might stab you with one. Don’t even wear footwear with shoelaces; he might strangle you. No belts, or else, again, he might strangle you. Next time, cut your hair shorter. He once grabbed a doctor by his hair and smashed his head against the wall till the poor guy nearly died, his brains would have decorated the room if some of us hadn’t rushed into the room in time to save him,” Yifan advised like how a mother would advise a young and learning child.

Kyungsoo had paled as Yifan had told him all the possible ways in which he could die a horrible death in the room.

“Do not get too touchy-touchy about his past or else he will kill you. Do not tell him anything that might remind him of the past or else he will kill you. Do not piss him off or else he will kill you. Do not. Do not. Do not. As long as you prefer to walk out of the room alive in at least a few pieces which the medical surgeons would hopefully be able to stitch back together, do not do any of the stuff I mentioned. You understood that?” Yifan asked.

Kyungsoo nodded as he felt a knot tightening in his stomach. “And the ‘do’s’?”

“Excuse me?”

“You said the ‘do’s’ and the ‘don’ts’. You’ve told me what not to do so far when it comes to Kim Jongin, so what should I do?”

Yifan seemed to think for a second. “That's funny.”

“What is it?”

“There doesn’t seem to be any ‘do’s’ when it comes to him.”

_Great. Just fucking great._

 “Oh, by the way, do you have a good voice?” Yifan suddenly asked, his eyes lightening up as if he remembered something important.

A ghostly looking Kyungsoo looked up at the giant with wide eyes. “Good… voice?”

“Yeah? Do you have one?”

“Well, I guess so. I used to be in the college choir, but I’m a bit rusty now.”

“You…sing?” Yifan asked, brows rising again.

“Yeah, but it's like I told you, I’m a bit rusty.”

Yifan sighed and looked at Kyungsoo with something close to pity reflecting in his eyes. “I actually meant if you could scream or something like that, not if you could sing. You don’t really hear singing in this place but screams, so to ‘have a good voice’ over here means to be able to scream pretty damn well enough to shake the foundations of this Godforsaken shithole.”

“Scream?” Kyungsoo looked at the blonde, bewilderment shining in his eyes.

“Yeah, you know, the noise that people when they are scared shitless and are about to piss their pants and when they want help? You can’t exactly sing for help; at least I’ve never heard of anyone singing for help here.”

“Right, well, I guess I could manage that as well; if the need ever does arise, that is,” Kyungsoo said, scratching the back of his head.

“Hmm, yeah, well, I better get going now, you should too,” Yifan said, smiling warmly as if they had a really heartwarming chat while Kyungsoo could barely manage a smile when he felt as if he had signed his life away to the devil when he agreed to take charge of Kim Jongin.

“Yeah. See you later, Yifan,” Kyungsoo said.

Yifan smiled a wide, gummy smile and clapped Kyungsoo on the back. “That’s the spirit! See you later, Kyungsoo!”

Yifan hurriedly walked away without even looking back in one direction and Kyungsoo walked in the other as he wondered what had made the blonde smile so widely.

_See you later, Yifan._

And that was when it hit him like a ton of bricks.  _Later._

 _If there ever comes a later,_ Kyungsoo thought bitterly as the picture of the smirking boy that lay in the file inside his bag flooded his head.

Kyungsoo checked his watch. _Twenty minutes left._

 _Yeah,_ the boy in his head seemed to tell him mockingly, his smirk stretching even wider making him look like something out of a horror movie. _Twenty minutes left to get your shit together and pray to God you can play a good round of dodgeball; except this time it will be with chairs and butcher’s knives._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> Well, hope you enjoyed this chapter too. Next chapter is where Kyungie and Nini officially meet for the first time! Are ya’ll excited?! Well, Kyungie isn’t… maybe I’ll just flip during the next chapter and make Jongin throw a chair at Kyungsoo and we’re all done with this crappy story! *grins evilly*
> 
> I seriously LOVE Yifan, though. He gives horrible advice! XD
> 
> What do you guys think? Lemme know, yeah??? :)
> 
> Comment and vote!
> 
> Love ya’ll!
> 
> -DW


	3. What Makes A Criminal A 'Criminal'?

** Monday, 5th September 2016 **

 

Kyungsoo was standing outside Kim Jongin’s room and exactly two minutes, thirteen seconds (and counting) had passed of his session time with Jongin.

_No clipboard – check. No stationary – check._

Kyungsoo’s eyes traveled downwards and stared at his shoes.

Shoelaces.

_Well, if he tries to strangle me with one, I still have another one to use against him, or I could whack him up the head with the shoe itself, and I can always grab a handful of his hair, too. I’m not completely defenseless._

Taking in a deep breath to calm his rattled nerves and pulling up his trousers that was slowly slipping down without the support of his belt, he knocked on the door three times, waiting with bated breath and strained his ears to pick up any voice.

“Fuck off,” a deep, cold voice said from inside the room.

_Well, isn’t that just plain rude?_  Kyungsoo thought crossly, his brow twitching in annoyance.

Heart in his mouth, he huffed out sharply as his fingers closed around the doorknob and he pushed it open.

“Kim Jongin?” Kyungsoo called out as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

_PANG!_

Kyungsoo stood rooted to his spot with a racing heart and huge, bulging eyes. It took him a moment to register the fact that his patient had thrown a knife at him. It had narrowly missed him and had embedded itself in the door.

“Damn.” the same cold voice said and Kyungsoo looked towards that direction.

Kim Jongin swung himself off from the bed which he was lying on and walked towards a frozen Kyungsoo with slow, menacing strides of that of like a hungry Cheetah about to pounce on his prey.

“Missed you by that much, didn’t I?” Jongin asked while bringing up his right hand and holding his thumb and index finger in such a way there was only a very tiny gap between the skins.

_I… I COULD’VE BEEN KILLED!!!_

Kyungsoo swallowed and pulled himself out of his trance.

“YOU FUCKING IMBECILE! YOU NEARLY KILLED ME!” Kyungsoo spat angrily, his nostrils flaring and blood boiling dangerously high.

Jongin stopped walking and stared at Kyungsoo with amusement dancing brightly in his eyes. Then, as if remembering that he was a Cheetah who was still hungry, he continued to walk towards the now fuming short male.

“Feisty, aren’t you?” he asked with a questioning gaze and a lopsided smirk. “But the keyword there is ‘nearly’. I  _nearly_  killed you; which means I had the chance but didn’t take it.”

“You.” Step. “Could’ve.” Step. “Killed.” Step. “Me.” Step.

Kyungsoo was now standing in front of the tanned male, glaring into a pair of eyes glinting with madness, danger, and amusement.

“Ohhhh, but I didn’t, and look! You’re alive! And it's a butter knife, just so you know; it would've just pierced a few layers of skin or, worst case scenario, damaged one of your eyes.” Jongin exclaimed amused.

Kyungsoo was at the point of pulling out the taller male’s hair and murdering him there and then, but then images of the photographs of Jongin’s murdered parents popped up in his head. Kyungsoo unconsciously took two steps back and lowered his gaze to the floor while Jongin stared at the doe-eyed male with a questioning gaze.

“What?” Jongin demanded. “I don’t bite, I swear – at least, not too hard.”

_Yeah, but you’ll probably make me into something like pork chops and feed me to the sharks,_  Kyungsoo thought bitterly.

Jongin chuckled amusedly, his eyes forming two dark crescents. “Pork chops? Sharks? Nah, I won’t do that, doctor.”

_Did I just say that out loud?_  Kyungsoo wondered in horror, but he relaxed; his stiff shoulders losing some of the tension in them.

“I’d rather throw you to the guard dogs they have over here at the institute and watch as they eat you up alive,” Jongin said nonchalantly as he walked up to the table present in the room, placed his palms and hoisted himself up to sit on it, his legs barely dangling above the floor.

Kyungsoo looked back up sharply at the seated male with wide eyes.

“I mean, have you seen the size of those things? They look like they haven’t had a proper meal ever since they were probably born. You-” Jongin explained and looked at Kyungsoo up and down slowly with hungry eyes as if devouring him; eyes absorbing every little detail of him from the top of his head, travelling down to his flushed face, grazing ever so slowly over his chest, lingering for a bit longer than expected on his lower torso and finally coming back up to meet his eyes. “Looks like you could definitely satisfy a craving hunger that was never quenched before.”

For some odd reason, Kyungsoo felt a shiver run down his spine when he heard the last line.

_Why does it feel like he wasn't referring to the dogs?_

An uncomfortable silence settled in the room and it became more suffocating as the seconds ticked by.

“So,” Jongin said, startling Kyungsoo who flinched and his eyes quickly darted to the chair next to the tanned male.

“Relax, doctor, if you think I’m going to throw this chair at you-” Jongin said and pointed at the chair a few feet away from him, “I won’t. I don’t really use the same tactics of attack twice; it’s not fun. I like new; I crave for new.”

“So I’m guessing you’re going to try to murder me in another way then? Not butcher’s knives? Or with chairs? Or both?” Kyungsoo said, rolling his eyes.

_I am done with this guy and his shitty attitude!_  Kyungsoo thought fiercely.  _I’m gonna put you in your place._

“Of course.”

_And there goes the ‘putting-Kim-Jongin-in-his-place’ plan._

“Fine,” Kyungsoo said, his voice shaky just around the edges. “Bring. It. On.”

Kyungsoo walked towards the male with his head held high and a stern gaze while his patient smirked at him, showing off beautifully carved white teeth.

With palms placed flat upon the table to support his weight, long legs dangling carelessly over the edge of the table and head tilted to a side in a mocking fashion with his plump lips stretched to an equally mocking smirk, Jongin stared intensely at the short male. Kyungsoo gulped, grabbed the chair and made himself comfortable after placing a good distance between himself and the unbelievably, crazy,  ~~sexy~~  homicidal maniac of a patient.

“So, tell me? What did they tell you this time?” Jongin asked curiously.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re excused,” Jongin replied with a mischievous smile and Kyungsoo had to fight the urge to eye roll in front of the demon in the room.

“What did they tell you this time? You’re not carrying a clipboard like the blonde bitchface doctor I once got, so, I’m guessing you know what happened.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Did they not tell you to cut your hair?”

“They did, but I had to prepare for the session and I didn’t have enough time to do so.”

Jongin smirked triumphantly.

“They also told me not to wear a belt or wear shoes with shoelaces because you might strangle me.”

“I see,” Jongin said nodding as if in approval. “But you’re wearing shoes with shoelaces.”

“And I have two, so if you take one, I’ll strangle you with the other.”

Jongin displayed another blinding smile and Kyungsoo forced himself to look away, a weird feeling erupting in his stomach.

“Now your pants are going down because you’re not wearing a belt, huh?”

Not finding the need to answer such a question, Kyungsoo remained silent, but the blush that crept up his face gave it all away.

Jongin hummed cheerily. “Well, looks like I have made a very bad first impression on you, haven’t I?”

“Tell me about it,” Kyungsoo muttered under his breath, low enough so that Jongin couldn’t hear him.

“Well, let’s introduce ourselves, then,” Jongin said, eyes crinkling at the corners as his mouth extended into a smile. “Hello, my name is Kim Jongin and I am twenty-one years old. I have a dream of becoming a dancer one day and becoming a professional at it.”

Kyungsoo's brows shot up. "Dancer?"

"Yeah, a dancer. What?"

"But you're a criminal." Kyungsoo wanted to bury himself far, far away from humanity.

_Tell a criminal that they're a criminal. Smooth, Kyungsoo, real smooth._

"Me?" the tanned male asked, head tilting to the other side and pointing a finger at himself. "A criminal?"

Kyungsoo didn't want an early death, so he kept his mouth shut, knowing better than to accuse a criminal saying that they are a criminal for the second time.

"Why would I be a criminal?"

Kyungsoo's gaze went back to the tanned male and saw his features contorted into that of confusion.

_Am I in the correct room?_  was Kyungsoo's first thought. How could the guy not know that he murdered his parents, harmed two officers and attacked seventeen innocent civils?

"You... you're Kim Jongin, right?" Kyungsoo asked nervously as he fidgeted with his fingers.

"The one and only seated right in front of you present in all of his magnificent glory," Jongin replied giving a narcissistic smile.

Facing a mental battle within himself, he answered cautiously, "Well, you kind of-"

_He didn't 'kind of' murder his parents! He did!_

"-murdered your parents. Then you ran away and nearly killed two officers and before them, you had harmed seventeen innocent civils."

_I'm fucking screwed to high heaven._

"Seventeen?" Jongin asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

"Uh, yes. Quite a lot, right?"

"No, no, I mean,  _only_  seventeen?" Jongin asked, his brows furrowing in confusion. "There was definitely more than seventeen."

Kyungsoo's eyes bulged out and his jaw dropped. 

"Huh, maybe the others were too scared to say that I hurt them."

_Forget criminal; this guy is the fucking spawn of satan._

Sweat popped out on Kyungsoo's forehead and his palms became sticky. "M- more than seventeen?"

"Yeah, a few more, but hey, it's fine, mistakes happen," Jongin said chuckling.

Kyungsoo wanted to throw up.

Jongin was not like the other patients he had ever gotten. He was proud of his work and he was proud of the blood he had spilled and had got on his hands. He didn't regret it.

"Yeah..." Kyungsoo managed to mumble weakly.

"So, why am I called a criminal? Is it because of all the murders and attacks?" Jongin asked as he placed his right elbow on his thigh, hunched over and placed his chin on his palm.

Kyungsoo once again remained silent.

"Huh. Well, doctor, do you mind if I ask you something?"

Kyungsoo nodded timidly, dreading the words that would be spewed out of Jongin's mouth.

"Do  _you_ think  _I_ am a criminal?" Jongin demanded, his vision narrowing in on the short male fidgeting uncomfortably in the wooden chair.

Kyungsoo looked up at the male.

_Does he seriously expect me to answer that? Do I look like I wanna die today?_

"Answer me." the voice commanded, low and dangerous. "Do you?"

Gulping, Kyungsoo nodded, eyes wandering over to the bed and avoiding the hard gaze that was being directed at him.

"Doctor, what do you think makes a criminal, a 'criminal'?"

Kyungsoo kept staring at the bed.

"Is it the number of bodies they piled up? Is it the fact that they got their hands bloodied? Is it the fact that they stole something? Is it the fact that they did something wrong? What is it?"

Kyungsoo looked at the laid-back male sitting on the table from the corner of his eye and his entire body shivered at the way his patient was looking at him.

"What makes a criminal a 'criminal', doctor?"

Kyungsoo took in a deep breath and looked back at his patient. 

 "If you've broken the laws and rules of the society, then, I guess that makes you a criminal?" Kyungsoo answered timidly.

"Do you think you can even live in a society like today abiding by the laws and rules? You'd be chewed up and spit out faster than you could blink. Look around you, there’s only corruption and evil going on. People don't need to 'live' in this world anymore, they need to 'survive', and to survive today is to live by no rules. Break them all, to hell with every single one of them."

Kyungsoo listened to Jongin with wide eyes. 

_This guy is smarter than he looks._

"So, doctor, in a world without rules or laws, tell me, what makes some of us 'criminals'?"

Kyungsoo, taking in a deep breath, realized he was going to have to talk all this with the patient in order to change the twisted mindset he was having.

"If you do something wrong - something bad - then I guess you would be a criminal."

"I see," Jongin said, nodding and deep in thought. "So, what you're saying is, that I'm a criminal because I killed two people and harmed some others? Because I did something wrong?"

Kyungsoo nodded, this time a bit more confidently.

"But is what I did actually wrong?"

Kyungsoo looked at the tanned male in confusion.

"Is what I did actually wrong? Or did society label my actions as wrongdoings and me as a criminal? What if I don’t see it as wrong? Am I still a criminal? You call me a criminal just because majority call me as such and you turn a blind eye on the minority."

"They say follow your heart and do what feels right, so I did, and for some reason, following my heart seems to make people think I have done something wrong. If committing murder feels right to me, why should others say it's wrong?"

"Everyone I have dealt with are criminals," Kyungsoo stated firmly.

"Everyone you have dealt with are criminals because they think what they did is wrong and they feel ashamed about it and they  _accepted_ the label 'criminal' as given by the others. They're stupid not to know wrong from right. I am not like them. I am not a criminal because I didn't do something wrong. I did the right thing, and it felt so, so right. Unlike your other patients, I know wrong from right.”

Kyungsoo shuddered involuntarily and fidgeted in his seat again.

_The guy is a lunatic! Tell him he's not a criminal already!_

But Kyungsoo said nothing and remained silent in his seat.

Jongin also became silent, his legs dangling above the floor making slight scraping noises when skin came in contact with the cold floor.

“So, you see, I’m not a criminal. I think you’re in the wrong room and you’re wasting your time, there’s nothing to correct in me because I have done nothing wrong. Maybe, just maybe, I am right and the world is wrong.” Jongin said shrugging. “But, speaking from your perspective, you can’t really survive by always doing right.”

Kyungsoo was rendered speechless for once by one of his patients. For some reason, Jongin’s sick, twisted mind actually made perfect sense to him.

The world, full of corruption with evil lurking around every single corner, had turned into a place where it was the ‘survival of the fittest’. Rules and laws were bent and broken. Living was not the choice but rather surviving was.

_If something feels right for a person who’s committed a bad thing and others say it’s wrong, could it still be a crime?_

“It’s your choice, really, to keep trying to change me. It won’t be easy because, unlike all other times, you’re not dealing with a criminal this time.”

“I’ll stay,” Kyungsoo said firmly, staring straight into the brown orbs of his patient. “I’m staying and I’m going to try. Your perspective is of no matter to me, I have been given a job and I must fulfill it. You’re going to become a person that would be accepted and not be labeled as a sociopath. The world doesn’t fit into you, you have to fit into the world, and I'm going to help you."

Jongin tilted his head on his palm with tightly set lips and looked at Kyungsoo for a long time, and this time, Kyungsoo didn’t look away from the male’s intimidating gaze but rather returned it with the same ferocity.

“Don’t disappoint me, then,” Jongin said after some time.

“I won’t.”

Jongin smiled. “Well, that was about me. What about you?”

_Right. We were introducing ourselves._

Kyungsoo cleared his throat, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat. “My name is Do Kyungsoo and I’m twenty-four years old. I am now your Psychiatrist, Kim Jongin.”

Jongin leaned back again, palms now closed around the edge of the table.

“Do. Kyung. Soo.” Jongin said, voice low and an unreadable shadow of emotions in his eyes.

A delicious shiver ran up Kyungsoo’s spine and another eruption started in his stomach as he heard his name slowly drawl out from between Jongin’s plump lips.

 “Well, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Do Kyungsoo.”

“Finally?” Kyungsoo asked, head tilted in confusion. _Had he been expecting me?_

Jongin just smiled again and leaned back, his long, long legs, which were quite a distraction to Kyungsoo, still swinging slowly.

A bell rang outside and Kyungsoo was wondering if someone had triggered the fire alarm or something.

“We are done here for today, doctor. My session is up.” Jongin announced and jumped down from the table, his jeans tightening around his contracting muscles.

Kyungsoo quickly stood up as Jongin made his way towards the startled, short doctor.

Kyungsoo took a few steps back as Jongin advanced. As his hand reached for the doorknob, an arm shot out and effectively stopped him from opening the door.

A sheen of sweat broke across his forehead as he turned around, his face only a few centimeters away from the perfect sun-kissed tan male.

Jongin stared deep into Kyungsoo’s eyes, as if seemingly lost in them.

“Are you going to cut it?”

“E-excuse me?”

“Your hair. I know I bashed a doctor’s head after having grabbed a handful of his hair, but are you going to cut your hair too?”

“I… maybe.”

_Why should it matter to him?_ Kyungsoo thought as his eyes traveled downwards, anywhere but Jongin’s face.

Jongin lifted his right hand and he twirled a lock of Kyungsoo’s hair between his deft fingers.

“Don’t. It looks good on you.”

Kyungsoo could’ve sworn the temperature in the room shot up at the sudden closeness as he looked back up into the brown orbs locking their gazes, the flecks in Jongin’s eyes dancing brightly as something passed through them for a fleeting moment.

Kyungsoo nodded and Jongin’s fingers disentangled themselves from the red-faced male’s hair only to place his index finger under Kyungsoo’s chin to level their gazes.

“I told you I don’t use the same tactics of attack twice, didn’t I?” Jongin reminded, grinning widely, his breath hot on Kyungsoo’s face. "So, don't cut it."

Jongin then stepped back and waited for the doctor to depart.

Kyungsoo, face flushed with embarrassment and butterflies exploding in his stomach, clumsily fumbled with the doorknob before wrenching the door open with an unusual amount of force.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_

“See you soon, Do Kyungsoo," Jongin said softly.

Kyungsoo looked back one last time to see Jongin standing in the room with his hands stuffed deep in his pockets, head tilted, eyes twinkling and a smile on his face as if saying 'I will be waiting for you' before he closed the door.

_Breathe in. Breathe out. In. Out._

"Kyungsoo!" a familiar voice called out and Kyungsoo turned around to see a smiling Yifan head towards him. "How did it go?"

Kyungsoo played back through the events that had happened in the room from which he had stepped out. "Well, I called him an imbecile, I threatened to strangle him with one shoelace if he took the other, I called him a criminal when he kept implying that he was not, reminded him that he murdered his parents and harmed two officers and seventeen other people, which is apparently less than the number he had actually harmed according to him, and, yeah. I guess it went pretty well."

Yifan was staring at him with wide eyes and disbelief written all over his face. "How are you even alive?"

"I don't know," Kyungsoo answered truthfully.

Yifan guffawed. "You, my friend, have luck on your side."

"You hungry? Wanna grab something to eat before you go? Kim Jongin has a reputation for draining people's energy at times."

As if on cue, Kyungsoo's stomach rumbled. "Some food would be good right about now."

"Great! Then you can tell me all of what happened as well! I'm dying to hear everything!" Yifan said as the two walked to the cafeteria.

Kyungsoo decided to tell Yifan everything except the close contact he and Jongin had shared for the briefest of moments which had caused jolts of electricity to travel through him and the weird feeling he got when he was around Jongin.

"Sure thing."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
>  And the Kaisoo ship has set sail.
> 
> I like Jongin. Straightforward. Dangerous. Badass. Sexy. Narcissistic. Manipulative. Mastermind. His perspective of the world actually kind of makes you see things differently, don't they? First to touch Soo. Oh, I like that. I like that very much. Very much. Very. Much.
> 
> What do you think of him? Like him? Don't like him? Well, although he says he doesn't care, the guy desperately wants to know. :p And did what he said make sense to you as well? In a twisted way?
> 
> I'm not asking ya'll to murder someone... but the dude has sort of got a point hasn't he? 
> 
> If you're doing something wrong and it feels right although everyone else says it's wrong, does it still remain wrong? Or is it right? We agree to wrongdoings because the majority say so. What about the minority? Sometimes doing the wrong things end up being right.
> 
> Now don't go and end up in jail! I am not responsible! XD
> 
> And lookieeee, Soo is already getting the butterflies for Jongin!
> 
> I love these two. They don't keep the touching thingy minimum in public, so why the heck not make them impatient in the story as well, right? Them feelzzzzzz... XD
> 
> Comment and lemme know how it was! Your comments be my strength and they be Baeeeee!
> 
> Vote for Kaisoo people! Now. -_-
> 
> Love ya'll! 
> 
> -Dw


	4. Shattered Pieces, No Matter How Small They May Be, Can Still Draw Out Blood

** Monday, 12th September 2016 **

 

Kyungsoo walked through a big door and entered the Cafeteria which was surprisingly bustling with quite a few people around an overturned table and a couple of chairs.

After scanning the room and taking in the mess for a couple of seconds, he spots a familiar mop of blond hair belonging to a hunched over figure seated at a corner giving absolutely no shit to his surroundings and solely concentrating on something on the table in front of him.

Smiling to himself, Kyungsoo walked over to the corner. “Hey, Yifan.”

Yifan’s head snapped up at the sound of his name as he tore his gaze from a tab placed on the table and a smile replaced the frown on his face upon seeing the short doctor.

“Wassup Kyungsoo?” the male greeted back cheerily.

“Getting ready for my session today with Jongin,” Kyungso replied with a small smile dancing on his heart-shaped lips as he sat opposite to Yifan.

“Ahh, I see. So, has he opened up to you any more than last week?”

Kyungsoo sighed. “No. Hopefully, today will be different.”

Kyungsoo was, to say the least, disappointed, and also downhearted by Kim Jongin. After their first day, Jongin and Kyungsoo hadn’t talked about much, and even if they had talked, the questions were more directed at Kyungsoo to open himself up to his patient and not vice versa. Jongin made him appear like the patient, and that had Kyungsoo questioning himself at times as well; as to who was actually the victim here.

From Tuesday to Friday, since Kyungsoo had no work during the weekend, Jongin either threw questions that Kyungsoo had asked back at the Psychiatrist or slept like a log. And boy could the tanned male sleep. Kyungsoo was sure that he could probably slice the man’s throat and he still wouldn’t wake up, but then again, it’s not like he could since he’d be dead. 

“Hmm, well, all the best of luck, then,” Yifan said as he went back to concentrating on the tab.

“What are you doing?” Kyungsoo asked and leaned forward a bit, curious as to what had Yifan so engrossed on the tab.

A slight pink tinged Yifan’s cheek as he weakly mumbled, “I’m watching a video on how to make things out of building blocks.”

Kyungsoo grinned widely. “Why?”

“Tao really likes building blocks for some odd reason and I bought a bag of them on the way home yesterday so that we could make something today, but this shit is harder to build than it looks. I went to sleep yesterday on the floor in my living room at around three in the morning trying to build a house, I woke up in the morning with a sore body after having rolled all over the blocks with some under my shirt and some in my pajama pants, although God only knows how they even got there,” Yifan explained sheepishly.

“So, can you make anything now?”

“Yep,” Yifan said proudly as he dug something out of his jean pocket. He held up two pieces of red building blocks, one longer than the other with the shorter one placed on top of the longer one so that the two formed a perfect cross.

“Oh,” Kyungsoo said. “You made a cross like the one that Jesus was crucified on?”

Yifan gave Kyungsoo a long look before he looked back at the small piece he held in his hand. “Uhh, no, I didn’t. I built a spaceship, duh," Yifan stated unamused as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Kyungsoo bit his lower lip and chuckled. “Well, it sure does look like something from star wars – out of this world.”

Yifan grumbled out a sarcastic ‘sure it does’ and stuffed it deep in his pockets, swearing to himself that his ‘spaceship’ would never see daylight again.

“What happened here, anyway?” Kyungsoo asked Yifan, throwing a glance at the overturned table and chairs.

“I don’t know for sure, but apparently some punk ran out and ended up here and some brawl had happened when they tried to calm him down,” Yifan said shrugging, eyes glued to his tab.

“Huh,” Kyungsoo said and watched as the people walked here and there, still arranging some of the chairs.

“What do you plan on doing today with Jongin?” Yifan asked, tearing his gaze from the tab momentarily.

“I don’t know. I really don’t know. The guy is a mystery to me.” Kyungsoo sighed heavily. Usually, within the first few days alone he would’ve cracked his other patients, but Jongin was different. Way different.

“Well,” Yifan grinned mischievously. “I can lend you my building blocks some time if you want?”

“And give him a possible way to kill me? No thanks.” Kyungsoo shuddered. He could imagine the headlines on all the newspapers ‘Death by Building Blocks to Young Psychiatrist’.

Not happening.

A comfortable silence settled upon the two as Yifan grinned and went back to watching some YouTube tutorial for kids about building blocks while Kyungsoo tried to come up with a way to talk to Kim Jongin.

 

 

 

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

It was that time of the day again and Kyungsoo was standing right outside Kim Jongin’s door. Smoothening down the sheets of papers on his clipboard, he stuffed the pen in his pocket before politely, but firmly, knocking thrice on the door that bore the label ‘ 0751: Kim Jongin’.

As he expected, there was no answer from inside.

_You know, even a rude ‘fuck off’ right about now would be fine,_ Kyungsoo thought bitterly, remembering the first words spoken by the tanned male a week ago.

Sighing heavily, he turned the knob, pushed open the door and froze.

A knife nor any other sharp objects had thankfully not been thrown at the short doctor, but he was rather surprised to see his patient sitting rather comfortable on the empty table with legs crossed and both his arms upon his lap with his eyes closed and a serene smile on his lips.

_Is he… meditating?_

Kyungsoo stood motionlessly for a few moments before he silently closed the door behind him. As to whether his patient had heard him enter or not, he did not know, and even if he had heard, he was very good with hiding it; his face gave away nothing at the extra presence in the room.

After a while of watching the tanned male, Kyungsoo grew restless and slowly proceeded to take the chair placed in front of Jongin. Cautiously, he took the chair and placed it at a safe distance before he sat down and took a pen out of his pocket and decided to make notes; even if they were nothing.

After about five minutes, Jongin’s voice, sharp as ice, cut through the suffocating silence, making the doctor jump in his chair. “You’ve brought a clipboard this time.”

It took a while for Kyungsoo to register the words since silence was what he was so used to receiving from his patient. “I- yes.”

“Bitchface didn’t warn you this time?” Jongin asked, eyes closed and a smile still on his lips.

“You won’t hit me with the clipboard,” Kyungsoo stated firmly. “You don’t use the same tactics of attack twice.”

Eyes still closed, Jongin broke into a wide smile. “True, but I have never stabbed a person with a pen, and I might do it to you.”

Kyungsoo stared at the pen in his hand and suddenly it gleamed menacingly under the lights in the room. He slowly reached into his pocket and brought out another pen. “I have another one and I might do the same to you.”

At that, Jongin opened his eyes and stared at Kyungsoo and then the pen in his hand. “My, you never fail to amuse me, do you? You could become just like me, you’re always ready, unlike many people.”

Kyungsoo shuddered at the thought. “No.”

Jongin cocked an eyebrow at that. “No? Why ‘no’?”

“I’m not like you. I won’t ever become like you.” Kyungsoo stated, his voice more hostile than intended causing his patient to frown.

“Well, that’s true,” Jongin said, tilting his head to the right. “You can never be like me, but I can teach you to become you.”

It was Kyungsoo’s turn to give Jongin a questioning gaze. “And what makes you think I am capable of killing and hurting people like you?”

Jongin smiled at the doctor. “All of us are born with the power to kill, Doctor Do, but only some of us use that power. The others are scared of that power, but if you can, you control life.”

Kyungsoo’s gaze hardened and he pursed his lips. “What’s the use of possessing the ability to control life when you rule it by fear?”

“Fear?” Jongin asked. “Fear is an illusion created by the people themselves; I never created it for them. They just find it easier to place the blame on someone else other than themselves. I don’t kill for pleasure, everything has its reasons, and when I do find the reason to kill, then… then there’s pleasure.”

“Well, then, Jongin, what are your reasons?” Kyungsoo asked, hoping for the best.

Jongin leaned forward and smiled. “That’s for me to know and for you to figure out, Doctor Do.”

Kyungsoo pouted in frustration; just when he thought that his luck had finally changed and he got his chance for Jongin to open up to him, his patient slammed the door in his face.

_Swell._

Jongin just smiled widely at the pouting male. “Well, when you’re ready, I shall welcome you to my dark side with open arms, then.”

Kyungsoo shuddered again, the temperature of the room seeming to grow colder by the minute. “No thank you, I shall politely decline your kind offer.”

Jongin just shrugged as if it was nothing. “Hmm, people are so boring, you know? They have no idea how beautiful the darkness is. Just as there are so many, many horrors in the light is there so much of beauty in the dark. Just as how light can be a nightmare, the dark can be a dream."

“Why do you like the darkness so much? I mean, why would you even want to continue living there?”

Jongin’s eyes clouded for a moment and his lips turned down before he immediately straightened his back as he went back to his meditating position and closed his eyes. Kyungsoo bit his lower lip, mentally scolding himself for having gone too far with the questions.

When Jongin gave no reply for a full minute, Kyungsoo sighed and his eyes went back to the clipboard in his hand, eyes widening at the unconscious doddles he had been making on the paper. Eliciting a frustrated sigh, he put the paper under the many sheets of papers and he wrote in big, bold letters in the middle of the fresh page ‘ _Kim Jongin?_ ’ and circled it repeatedly.

Chewing on his lower lip, Kyungsoo tried desperately to come up with something – anything – to write on the paper, and he nearly missed Jongin start to speak once again.

“It’s all I’ve ever known. It’s all I’ve ever seen. It’s all I’ve ever lived in.” Jongin said, his eyes a bit hazy and unfocused and his voice raspy.

“There’s only so much time you can spend in the dark till your eyes grow accustomed to it and you start to see. Then, when you finally start to see and you adjust to it, you don’t want to leave, because you’d leave your safety zone. It’s just like how you don’t want to come over to the dark because you’d be leaving a place you’ve known all along and stepping into a world you know nothing about. You never want to tread on dangerous waters where you've never wandered in."

Jongin sighed. “I wandered in the darkness for too long and I got lost. I couldn’t find my way out so, eventually, I became the darkness in order to escape.”

“But staying or even becoming the darkness doesn’t help you, it just destroys you,” Kyungsoo said, his voice a whisper.

Jongin smiled at that and focused his intense gaze on the doctor. “I desire the things that are capable of destroying me.”

Kyungsoo stayed silent and brooded over the line and fidgeted uncomfortably under the firm gaze cast upon him.

“You’ll have to destroy me, don’t you see?” Jongin said, stretching his crossed legs so that they hung carelessly over the edge of the table. “You’ll have to break me completely in order to change me if you want to, but, you know, as much as I desire the things that are capable of breaking me, I love breaking them too."

Jongin licked his dry lips and stared longingly at Kyungsoo. "Completely. Breaking. Them.”

Kyungsoo gripped the clipboard in his hands as his eyes hooded over with a mix of emotions. “If destruction is what it takes to get through to you, then destruction it will be, but you can’t break me.”

Jongin tilted his head once again, brows furrowing and forehead creasing.

“I’m already broken.”

Jongin’s eyes narrowed at the doctor as their gazes locked and the air between them seemed to crackle with the electricity of a thousand questions unasked and unanswered.

_Two can play at this game,_ Kyungsoo thought firmly. 

Jongin was not joking, not one bit. Kyungsoo knew the male was more than capable of breaking him and making him become nothing if he wanted to. Although having been around for Jongin for only nearly a week, and only having talked one day with today being the second, he knew from the behavior and from the way he spoke of what he was capable of. He was a master at twisting words in order to give them a new perspective of being seen and also molding ideas of others so perfectly and flawlessly with his. As much as Kyungsoo hated to admit it, his patient spoke of nothing but the truth - the truth that not many people had given a care to look at from a different angle. 

“Kim Jongin, just know, that if you try leading me to my destruction, you’ll be leading yourself to your own as well. I am human and I am broken – shattered, like a mirror. What’s remaining are the broken pieces and what’s left to break are the broken pieces, and I hope you know that shattered pieces, no matter how small they may be, can still draw out blood.”

Jongin stared deeply into Kyungsoo’s eyes, searching for a fleeting sense of doubt that might pass in the brown orbs of the short male; but they gave away nothing and only matched Jongin’s steely gaze.

Kyungsoo furrowed his brows when Jongin suddenly broke the gaze and started chuckling, muttering something like ‘I knew you were different’, but he may have heard it wrong.

Just then, the bell rang, and Jongin jumped down from the table as Kyungsoo got up from the chair.

Calmly putting the pen back in his pocket, Kyungsoo turned to walk around and was about to open the door but Jongin beat him to it.

Glancing curiously at the tan male, Kyungsoo quirked a brow questioningly. “You’re not gonna slam the door on my face or something, are you?”

“And destroy that beautiful face? Nah,” Jongin scoffed and smiled. "I don't stoop so low, Doctor Do. If I want to hurt someone, I make sure to make it worthwhile and enjoy it."

Kyungsoo tightened his grip on the clipboard and walked past the male holding the door open for him.

"Aren't you scared?" Jongin asked and Kyungsoo stopped and turned around to face his patient.

"Excuse me?"

"Aren't you scared of getting to know my dark side?"

Kyungsoo pondered over the question before he firmly shook his head. "No, I'm not; I'm scared of you hiding your dark side from me. So, I'm going to do whatever it takes to make you open up to me."

Jongin stared long and hard before he smiled a sad smile. Stuffing his left hand in his pocket and gripping the cold, metal doorknob tightly with his right hand, he looked at the doctor with eyes that held a whirlwind of emotions all at once and too much for the doctor to comprehend.

"Then destroy me, Soo," Jongin mumbled, his voice barely audible. "Don't look back and don't hesitate; just destroy me."

Kyungsoo reached out towards his patient but the door slammed shut, nearly colliding with his outstretched hand.

Kyungsoo stayed rooted outside the door for a few minutes before he placed his right palm against the door and his forehead against the cold metal door.

"I will," Kyungsoo whispered back.

Sighing, he turned to leave before something clicked in place; a tiny detail that he had nearly let slip and nearly forgotten.

_Soo._

Jongin had called him 'Soo'.

_How did he know about that?_

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> Destroy me. Dang. Just.... dang.
> 
> Here it is! Hope ya'll liked it anyway! Lemme know how the chapter was. 
> 
> Subscribe, Comment, Vote! :p
> 
> Love ya'll!
> 
> -DW


	5. 'Kim Jongin???' (Part one)

**Note to readers! We are gonna play a game... along the way of the story, I'm gonna add chapters labeled 'Kim Jongin???' and this'll be where Kyungsoo tries to figure Jongin's character more and more. YOU, my dear reader, are going to have to put yourself in Soo's shoes and try to figure him out. If there is anything you'd like to share of him (of what you assume to be of Jongin's character), anything at all (even if it sounds stupid or irrelevant, it just might be right), share it, and if you're correct, I just might add it in the next labelled chapters and it'll be added to Soo's board (read below about the board, you'll understand). But then again, sometimes if you're too close and figure it out a bit too early, I might not add it until I feel it is right to add it. But then again, I won't add them again if they are wrong. But then again, I might add wrong assumptions just to lead you in the wrong direction ;p **

**Don't mind me... I can be one helluva psychotic and bipolar bitch at times! XD**

**(You can also drop in your assumptions of how this story is gonna go like if you want)**

**May the odds be ever in your favor!**

 

 

 

* * *

 

**Words marked with * are explained below in the A/N. :)**

 

 

 

It was a gloomy Friday and gray clouds hung over the landscape of the dull sky threatening to pour any minute.

Kyungsoo stretched his lithe body on the couch he was lying on and yawned lazily. Grabbing the television remote, he switched it off since it was starting to show some sappy drama.

Reluctantly pushing himself off the couch, he walked to the kitchen without even turning on the light and opened the fridge, scanning for food items inside that was edible and hopefully not empty.

Grabbing a carton of milk that had expired three days ago after much rummaging, Kyungsoo poured it into a mug before going to his 'workroom'. It wasn't much, really, just a small room in the silent house he had separated for work purposes only.

Pushing open the door, he switched on the light and winced at the sudden colors that flooded his vision. Four white walls, three bare and one with a huge whiteboard hung on it, surrounded him.

A dark, rich-looking mahogany table piled with papers, files, stationery and a small lamp stood to the right of the room, facing the wall to Kyungsoo's left as he entered through the door. A black leathered swivel chair was placed behind the desk and a small shelf bearing a load of books more than it could probably hold was behind it. Another similar chair was placed opposite to the other, and although it had never been used before, Kyungsoo liked the feeling of it being there in the room. The wall that the desk faced bore a large whiteboard that displayed a range of faded out colors.

Kyungsoo placed the mug on the desk and walked behind it, pulling open a drawer and taking out a familiar yellow file. He walked to the front again and sat on the extra chair in the room as he swirled slowly in circles while reading the file he had read a million times.

_Kim Jongin… Kim Jongin… Kim Jongin…_

The name seemed to echo in his head like a never-ending mantra as his thoughts were clouded with that being alone.

Kim Jongin was going to break Kyungsoo, he could feel it, now the only move the Psychiatrist was left with was to figure out a way to break his patient before it happened to him.

For a long time, ever since Kyungsoo finished his degree in Psychiatry and started doing a job, he wondered if he would ever get a patient that would be tough to crack. Kyungsoo loved to push himself, even at times when he knew it would probably be too much for him to bear, and Kim Jongin gave off that vibe of trouble.

It’s an addiction, he _needs_ to pass the boundaries he has set. Kyungsoo knows that at one point, his need is going to get him hurt and probably make him end up in a worse state than he is now, but the trouble he finds with himself is that trouble always finds him. He can’t run away; it’s like a drug because the feeling he gets after having achieved it is just unbelievable.

_I like new; I crave for new._

Kyungsoo shuddered involuntarily as his patient’s voice rang in his head. In a twisted way, he and Jongin were kind of similar, but not all that much.

Kyungsoo gently ran his fingertips on the photo of his patient. _Why won’t you just let me in?_

After their talk on Monday, Jongin had gone right back to himself the next day and given the Psychiatrist the cold shoulder. If this was some kind of repetitive pattern where the two would only talk on Mondays, then Kyungsoo would probably be the only living human that dreaded the weekend and would be looking forward to Monday to come sooner.

Jumping off the chair, he walked back to the drawer and took out a few magnetic metal clips and two markers, a red and a black, before walking to the whiteboard as he reopened the file.

Taking the record sheet, he clipped it at the top of the board. Next, he took the front and back pictures of Jongin and attached them side by side next to the record sheet.

Stepping back and observing the three sheets on the whiteboard, Kyungsoo went over everything that had happened between him and Jongin carefully; the way the male talked, walked, and behaved was all of importance.

Eye contact. It was the one major thing Kyungsoo noticed about Jongin. His patient always maintained stable eye contact when talking, and even when not talking or so, his gaze was too intimidating and Kyungsoo felt like a specimen being observed under a microscope.

Jongin’s tone of speech was also mostly neutral or low and Kyungsoo knew that usage of a low tone meant that the speaker demanded the attention of the listener. Otherwise, he was mostly never speaking too low or too high. His speed of speech was medium, meaning his thoughts were very much organized and that he was certain about whatever he spoke and he did it in a continuous flow with no unnecessary pauses.

His stance gave way mostly to lots of self-confidence; the way he held his head high at all times unnerved Kyungsoo because you could almost feel a powerful aura enveloping Jongin, and Kyungsoo didn’t like it because it seemed to give his patient the upper hand and be more dominating than him. Another one of Jongin’s favorite head positioning was tilting his head to the left or to the right, and Kyungsoo noticed that Jongin’s head tilted to the left mostly when the doctor had given his opinion about some matter they were discussing.

_Skepticism._

At times Jongin had the idea that whatever he thought was right and only that was right and was not open to any other opinions and disregarded them.

Kyungsoo also mildly remembered reading somewhere that a head tilt to the right means goodwill, but he highly doubted that. It just didn’t seem to match with Jongin’s personality.

Pulling the cap of the black marker, Kyungsoo wrote in big bold letters at the middle of the board ‘Kim Jongin???’ before he closed it again and opened the red marker, writing in smaller handwriting from the right side.

_Stubborn._

_Confident._

_Dangerous._

_Deadly._

_Egotistical idiot._

Kyungsoo bit his lower lip at the last line and thought about erasing it before deciding against it; Kim Jongin _was_ an egotistical idiot, no doubt. Although it was probably a childish act, it felt good to write at least something on the board rather than leaving it empty.

Shaking his head, he continued to write, but this time he wrote two words – * _‘Dacnomania?’_ and * _‘Algophilia?’_ – next to the name written in the middle before circling them and connecting them to the name at the middle.

Closing the red marker, Kyungsoo bit its end before the wheels in his head started working again.

Killers were categorized into three types: Organized, disorganized and mixed.

Organized killers are very methodical; sometimes they might observe their victims for a certain period of time before they actually attack, and when they finally do, they usually lure them to a place before killing them and properly disposing of their bodies. Disorganized killers act on impulse and kill with whatever weapon is available at that moment. They usually don’t dispose of the bodies at all. Mixed killers display characteristics of both organized and disorganized killers.

Jongin, Kyungsoo thought, belonged to the category of disorganized, but he didn’t know the full story – yet; so he could either be ‘mixed’ or ‘disorganized’.

The next hardest part he found was to find Jongin’s motive for his homicidal behavior.

Although it has four categories, Kim Jongin was still a mystery that seemed to stand in the middle of it all.

Opening the red marker again, Kyungsoo wrote in small letters at the left corner of the board and drew a square around it repetitively.

 

_Visionary?_

_Mission-oriented?_

_Hedonistic?_

_Power?_

 

‘Visionary’ killers believed they were commanded by supernatural beings such as the Devil or by God or else by other entities to commit murder whereas ‘Mission-oriented’ killers are driven purely by the need to rid the world of people who they believe are undesirable and do not have a place on Earth. ‘Hedonistic’ killers either kill because of lust, thrill or for profit.

Sex plays the main role when killers are driven by lust and they are sexually aroused by harming and killing their victims and it doesn’t matter if their victim is dead or alive. A thrill killer lives for the adrenaline rush of the moment and seeing the pain and the hurt inflicted upon their victims. There is usually no sexual harassment caused by thrill killers as they only move for the kill directly. ‘Profit’ killers, also known as ‘Comfort’ killers, kill for their own profit – they are after material gain and a life of luxury afforded by others. In most instances, the female killers recorded in history were ‘Comfort’ killers but not each and every one of the ‘Comfort’ killers were females, there have been instances where men were also driven by the need for comfort and killed, but they are mostly driven by the thrill or for their need to satisfy their sexual desires.

Killers who crave domination and power fall under the final category. They usually sexually abuse their victims as well, but the difference between them and the ‘Hedonistic’ killers is that, while ‘Hedonistic’ killers commit murder driven by lust, these types desire the feeling of having control and power over their victims.

Kyungsoo sighed out loudly and pinched the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes, feeling a slight pounding of a persistent headache coming along the way.

Jongin definitely did not look like the type to have had a bad enough psychotic breakdown to confess that he was being told to kill by God or the Devil; and even if he had confessed to such an act, Kyungsoo wouldn’t have believed him because the said male was capable of chasing the Devil away.

_So… not visionary?_ Kyungsoo wondered.

Although the answer was as clear as daylight, he let the writing be on the board untouched.

The work Jongin had done to his parents did definitely seem like the work done by a ‘Thrill’ killer, but maybe there was something else too? Something that Kyungsoo might be missing since he still didn’t know anything about his patient?

_And also if he was a ‘Thrill’ killer, why didn’t he kill the other seventeen people? He definitely must’ve had the chance, no?_

Or Jongin could be driven by the need to feel powerful than others; he did have that sort of aura around him all the time.

_But what if he was driven by the need for comfort? What if he attacked rich people or so and stole from them?_

Kyungsoo growled in frustration as he ran his fingers through his hair roughly. So many, many questions with no answers.

He didn’t know where to start with Jongin because he couldn’t even figure out where he stood. He was all over the place and at the same time nowhere.

Kyungsoo heard the distinct sound of thunder rumbling and the soft pitter-patter of rain and looked at the clock hung above the board.

10.48 PM.

Sighing, Kyungsoo was definitely not going to find anything with a headache and decided to lay it to rest for the night. Closing the empty file and carelessly throwing it onto the messy table, Kyungsoo grabbed his mug of milk which he had not drunk and switched off the lights before leaving the room with his thoughts wrapped around only one person for the rest of the night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> Well.... that was quite a description of killers, wasn't that? 
> 
> Well, here are Soo's first assumptions, and I made it easy by giving you so much information too! Make good use of it! -_-
> 
> Hope ya'll like this (creepy) chapter!
> 
> Lemme know how it was and try figure Jongin out... ya'll are gonna have to become Soo 'cause it kinda depends on you now! :)
> 
> Good luck to all you Sherlock Holmes people out there! Your John Watson (me ;p) is patiently waiting to note down your thoughts.
> 
> Love ya'll!
> 
> -DW
> 
>  
> 
> *Dacnomania – obsession with killing
> 
> *Algophilia - a morbid pleasure in the pain either of oneself or of others


	6. Eyes Don't Lie

** Monday, 19th September 2016 **

 

Kim Jongin stood under the shower with eyes closed and lips pursed in a straight line as the scalding water dampened his brown hair, turning it into a darker color before it ran down his naked torso in rivers as he hummed a random, rather out of tune melody loudly much to the annoyance of the male guard stationed outside his cubicle as it was the same tune that the patient kept humming every time he went into the shower.

The guard, having had enough of waiting for Kim Jongin to come out for the last thirty minutes, impatiently knocked on the door and the humming immediately ceased as only the trickling of water resounded in the empty men’s washroom let alone for the two male’s inside.

Gulping, he stuttered, “Kim Jongin? You’ve been in there for long enough. Your session with your doctor is supposed to start in ten minutes. Please, come out and get ready.”

In all the years the guard had worked at the mental institute, he had never before been so tense and had a nerve-wracking moment unlike the mornings and the evenings when he had to take Kim Jongin to the washroom for the male to clean himself, and due to the many fights that had occurred because of the tanned male in the washroom, he had to be taken at a different time when no one else was present in order to avoid a bloody riot and broken bones.

The door immediately opened and the guard heaved a sigh in relief as he turned to face the patient who walked out naked and dripping wet. At once, the guard looked away embarrassed but Jongin wasn’t fazed by the least that he was standing in front of the guard with no clothes on.

“Did you say something?” Kim Jongin asked in a neutral tone as he stared at the embarrassed guard.

“Y – your session with your doctor is starting in ten minutes and you have to get ready soon,” the guard squeaked.

Jongin smiled wickedly at the other male’s reaction before he composed himself once again. “I expect you to look at me when you’re talking to me.”

Sighing heavily, the guard wearily turned his head at the naked male and locked their gazes. It was a real pain to know that Jongin wanted to always, _always_ , maintain eye contact when speaking and being spoken to.

Jongin smiled a little in satisfaction. “Good, now, did you say something?”

“Your session with the doctor is starting in ten minutes, so, please get ready, Kim Jongin.”

Jongin tilted his head. “But, I haven’t applied shampoo yet.”

The guard gulped, “Well, you’ve been under the shower for quite a long time, so I’m pretty sure it’s not necessary.”

Jongin’s gaze narrowed on the guard as if a hunter locking his aim on a target. “But… I haven’t applied shampoo yet.”

The guard fidgeted nervously under the stare. “But you need to get ready for your session!”

Jongin stayed silent for a few seconds before he repeated, “But… I haven’t. Applied shampoo. Yet.”

The guard took a step back and sighed exasperatedly. “Fine, fine, go apply shampoo and finish fast or else I’m gonna lose my job,” the guard sighed in defeat, muttering the last line under his breath.

Jongin nodded and went back into the cubicle and the guard let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding in. Soon, the sound of gushing water started again, accompanied by a random, rather out of tune humming of a melody, much to the annoyance of the guard stationed outside Kim Jongin’s cubicle as he continued to wait.

Thirty minutes later, when the guard’s patience was wearing thin, the shower stopped and he heard the ruffling of clothes and he sent a prayer of thanks to the heavens above. About three minutes later of the sound of clothes rubbing against skin and the unbroken humming of the melody, Kim Jongin stepped out wearing a grey V-neck shirt that exposed his collar bones, a pair of blue, baggy jeans that barely clung to his waist with his hair dripping wet.

“You… didn’t apply shampoo?” the guard stated drily since he hadn’t smelt anything pleasant for the entire thirty minutes.

“Oh, I was standing under the shower for quite a long time, so I didn’t think it was necessary,” Jongin replied as he walked towards the mirror. The guard, meanwhile, was forcing down every raging cell in his body to stop himself from banging his head on the wall.

He wiped his face with the towel at the remaining water and just ruffled his wet hair with his hand, droplets of water spraying on the mirror. Jongin glanced at the clock hung above the mirror and feigned surprise.

“Oh? I’m quite late for my session, aren’t I?” Jongin said and the guard rolled his eyes.

“Yes, you’re very late. Now come, we better get a move on,” The guard said as the duo finally left the washroom.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo’s keen ears perked up at the sound of feet going ‘ _clack, clack, clack’_ outside Kim Jongin’s room and he looked expectantly at the door, waiting for it to open and a certain male to walk in. As the sound of the footsteps faded yet again, he huffed in annoyance and glanced at the wristwatch fastened around his left wrist; twenty minutes had passed since his session was supposed to start with Kim Jongin but the male was a no-show. He had been informed by someone that his patient was currently bathing when he came, but the bathing hours were long before his session, so what the hell was Jongin doing in the bathroom for nearly over an hour? Cleaning the washroom itself?

Ten minutes passed by in utter silence when Kyungsoo decided that he had had enough; he got up and walked to the door, determined to drag Jongin’s ass back to the room. The doctor wrenched open the door and turned to the right before his face collided with a firm chest.

Kyungsoo yelped and jumped back startled, grabbing his nose which was starting to turn red from the impact. He looked up and there was his patient with his wet hair plastered to his scalp and a towel hung around his neck.

“Oh, doctor Kyungsoo, I hope that you weren’t about to leave just because I was late by a few minutes,” Jongin said smirking at the short male.

Kyungsoo’s nostrils flared and his temper skyrocketed. “A few minutes? I’ve been waiting for you for thirty minutes, Jongin,” Kyungsoo hissed.

“You can’t possibly leave just because I didn’t come in thirty minutes.”

“Leave? Of course not. I was going to drag your ass out from the washroom and bring you here,” Kyungsoo stated matter-of-factly.

“Oh?” Jongin asked and then turned towards another male who had been following him whom Kyungsoo hadn’t noticed till then. “You. Why did you ask me to hurry up? If you hadn’t rushed me, he would’ve come to fetch me.”

The guard gulped and his shoulders tensed as he stared at Jongin helplessly.

Kyungsoo huffed as he grabbed Jongin by the shirt and threw a curt nod to the guard before he dragged the tall male into the room and closed the door.

“Next time, I want you to be here when I come. I don’t want to waste my time waiting for you,” Kyungsoo stated firmly.

Jongin raised a brow. “And what if I’m not here?”

“I’ll come and get you myself.”

Jongin smirked. “Then expect me to not be here. I’ll be waiting for you to come to me while I’m showering – naked.”

Kyungsoo blushed furiously at the thought of walking into the washroom to find a naked Jongin. “I – never mind. I’ll complain to the Head about your behavior and then we’ll see what happens.”

“But you won’t get to see me naked.”

“Thank God for that,” Kyungsoo snorted as he rolled his eyes.

“Well, that’s too bad, but I’m pretty sure you’d come around pretty soon. The guard loved the show when he saw me.”

Kyungsoo’s heart flinched at what Jongin said and he mentally scolded himself for feeling so as he tried to maintain a neutral expression.

“Oh, well,” Jongin said as he casually strolled to the table and sat on it. “Your loss.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes once again at how narcissistic his patient could be. “Whatever.”

Jongin ruffled his hair playfully and small droplets of water dropped onto the table. Then he balled up the towel and threw it onto the bed.

“Did you not have enough time to wipe your hair after all the time you spent in the washroom?” Kyungsoo asked as he observed some of the droplets slide down Jongin’s strands of hair and fall onto his shirt.

“I don’t usually wipe my hair, I like it wet,” Jongin replied shrugging.

Kyungsoo shrugged as well and went to sit on the wooden chair that was placed close to the door and a safe distance away from his patient.

“Come here, doctor Do,” Jongin said and moved towards one corner of the table as he gently patted at the empty spot next to him. “Come sit next to me.”

Kyungsoo glanced at the chair and then at the spot next to Jongin. Half of him screamed to not sit next to Jongin as he could probably kill him but the other half told him to not sit on the chair as Jongin might get mad that he didn’t listen to what he had said and that he might kill him. Either way seemed to cause his death, though.

Jongin, sensing the mental battle within the doctor, grinned playfully. “Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you. If I did want to, I would’ve done it already.”

_So not helping,_ Kyungsoo thought.

“It’s fine, I like the chair. So I’ll just–”

“Sit next to me, Kyungsoo,” Jongin demanded, his tone becoming dangerously low.

Kyungsoo gulped before he timidly walked towards the tanned male who smiled as he approached the table. Placing his palms flat against the table, he hoisted himself up onto it and sat towards the very end and prayed he didn’t fall off while his patient was watching him with hawk-like eyes. Kyungsoo’s feet dangled a few inches above the ground unlike Jongin’s which were scraping against the floor as the male swung his legs back and forth in a lazy manner.

Minutes passed of Kyungsoo staring straight ahead at the wall in front as he tried to tame the amount of red creeping up his face whilst Jongin continued to keep his gaze on the doctor.

“Will you stop doing that?” Kyungsoo finally asked and turned towards his patient.

“Stop doing what?” Jongin asked trying to sound innocent.

“Staring at me. It’s creeping me out.”

“What? This?” Jongin asked and leaned closer to the doctor and stared directly into his eyes and watched in satisfaction as fear fleeted through the large doe eyes.

Kyungsoo’s hands reflexively swatted at the granite-like chest as he struggled to balance his weight without falling over the edge.

“Stop it, Jongin,” Kyungsoo hissed.

“Why? Don’t tell me you don’t like it, because you and I both know that’s a lie,” Jongin said grinning wickedly like a Cheshire cat.

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes yet again as Jongin distanced himself from the unbalanced male.

A few more minutes passed by in silence with Jongin’s legs making the ‘ _scratch, scratch_ ’ noise and Kyungsoo playing nervously with the hem of his shirt. He wasn’t really comfortable with talking to Jongin whiles sitting right next to him, he could’ve at least run for the door if had been sitting on the chair.

“So, have you figured out anything about me?” Jongin asked, startling the doctor.

“Uh, no, not really,” Kyungsoo replied.

“That’s not what your face seems to say,” Jongin observed.

Kyungsoo turned to look at his patient, raising a questioning brow. “Oh, yeah? Then what does it say?”

Jongin stared at him a bit longer before, “Well, I don’t exactly know what it is, but there’s something; you’re looking at me differently and you’re nervous.”

“Have you thought that it might be because we are too close for comfort?” Kyungsoo said and bit his tongue.

_Shouldn’t have said that, now he knows he makes me nervous._

Jongin chuckled amused, “That too, obviously, but there’s something else.”

“How can you tell?”

“It’s different from when we met first and now. The first day, you were basically fearless, but now, there’s something.”

“I didn’t know you the first day.”

“You knew me enough. My parent’s death and the injuries inflicted upon the two officers and the twenty-two people.”

“Seventeen.”

“Huh?” Jongin asked confused.

“As far as I know, you only harmed seventeen other people; not twenty-two. It hasn’t been proven.”

“You still didn’t tell anyone else about it?”

“Only Yifan.”

“Who’s Yifan?”

“Uhh, bitchface?” Kyungsoo said, feeling guilty for calling Yifan that.

“Ahh, I see. What did he say?”

“Nothing, really. He just said that he wasn’t surprised about the number or that you’d so casually boast about something like that since you’re the biggest narcissistic asshole he has ever seen.”

“Huh,” Jongin merely shrugged. “Should’ve hit him harder when I had the chance.”

_Yifan was seriously right,_ Kyungsoo thought, shaking his head.

“Anyway, as I was saying, there’s something different now, but I like that difference,” Jongin said, getting back to their topic.

“What’s the difference?” Kyungsoo asked, curiosity sparking to life.

“Well, you look pretty determined more than before,” Jongin said and tilted his head.

“I was determined from the beginning, Jongin, that’s nothing new,” Kyungsoo snorted.

“Maybe, but it’s more than before,” Jongin stated, staring hard at the doctor.

“Huh,” Kyungsoo shrugged, _that’s because I want to break you before you do it to me._

“Wanna know how I know it?” Jongin asked, grinning like a little kid who knows far too much for his own age.

“Enlighten me, oh wise sage,” Kyungsoo dramatically stated, the doubts of fear slowly dissolving and talking more comfortably.

“Your eyes,” Jongin said as he stared deep into Kyungsoo’s wide, owl-like eyes.

“Yeah, well, they say that your eyes are the windows to your soul, so, it may be correct, ‘cause I do feel like a little change has taken place inside me,” Kyungsoo agreed.

“Eyes are the windows to your soul, huh?”

“Hmm, I’d say so, it helped me figure out what my previous patients were going through a lot and what they felt at times,” Kyungsoo explained as his legs also started to swing unconsciously with the same rhythm as Jongin’s. “If you can read them, you can relate to them in some way and help them. Eyes don’t lie, they show what your heart and lips are unable to say most of the time.”

“So, you can figure out people when you look at their eyes?” Jongin questioned as he placed his right elbow on his thigh and his chin on the inside of his palm.

Kyungsoo turned to his curious patient, “Sort of. A lot of emotions can be expressed just by the way their eyes behave and so on. I’m not a specialist on it and I don’t know the stuff too deeply, but I guess I have the basic idea about them.”

“So, then, doctor, what do mine tell you?” Jongin asked as he stared.

Kyungsoo hesitated for a few moments as his eyes searched his patient’s brown pair before he faced the wall in front once again, biting his lower lip as he did so.

Jongin jumped off the table and before Kyungsoo could even react, Jongin was standing in front of him, his hands flat on each side of the doctor.

“I expect you to look at me when talking or when I’m talking to you.” Jongin glared at Kyungsoo fiercely. “And I also expect you to answer a question when I ask one.”

Kyungsoo continued to stare at the male in shock, unable to move. His hands gripped the edge of the table tightly when Jongin's hands sneaked under Kyungsoo's legs and pulled him closer to the towering male, Jongin standing right between Kyungsoo's spread out legs.

“So, answer my question,” Jongin commanded, gripping the doctor’s left thigh with his right hand as Kyungsoo flinched at the hostility directed at him and at the sudden contact.

“What do my eyes tell you?” Jongin hissed, squeezing Kyungsoo’s thigh.

Kyungsoo snapped out of the trance as pain shot through his leg. “Jongin! Let go! You’re hurting me!”

The grip on his thigh tightened and his winced at the pain. “Tell me!”

“I don’t know!” Kyungsoo yelled in pain as he pushed at the tanned male with all his strength.

Jongin stumbled a few feet back and glared at the doctor menacingly while Kyungsoo tried to ease his burning thigh. Jongin’s eyes traveled down to the area where the doctor was massaging and he looked away, raw guilt gnawing at him for having hurt the short male.

Silently, he made his way to the chair placed away from the doctor. When the pain had lessened, Kyungsoo looked up and was surprised to see Jongin now seated on the chair.

“Why-”

“It’s so that I don’t hurt you again,” Jongin answered coldly, looking at the wall behind Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo sighed. “It’s fine, Jongin, you’re not the only one to hurt me. Come and sit next to me,” Kyungsoo smiled, and this time, he patted the empty spot next to him.

“I said I don’t-”

“I expect you to look at me when talking or when I’m talking to you, and as I am your doctor, I expect you to listen to me. Sit next to me, Kim Jongin, or else I’m gonna drag you here against your will.” Kyungsoo said firmly as he crossed his arms over his chest.

Jongin’s eyes widened a fraction before he looked at the short male. “You’re impossible,” he scoffed.

“Thanks, you too,” Kyungsoo said and smiled as Jongin came and sat at the other end of the table as far away from him as possible.

They stayed that way for a few moments before the doctor spoke again and Jongin listened intently as he stared at the floor.

“A person's behavior is sometimes usually enough to say a lot about them; the way they talk, the tone they use, the way they act, their body language and so on, but at times, they are very careful to not give so much away, and that is where the eyes play an important role. The human eye, as I said before, is capable of exposing some of the deepest emotions and a lot of other things which the facial tissues sometimes fail to reveal. It has helped me a countless number of times when I had to deal with patients in the past. Sometimes, all you need is one feeling to be given away and the chain reaction starts and you see everything that you had never been able to see before. With most people – the normal ones, the crazy ones, the most innocent or even the cruelest of criminals – their pupils dilate or constrict depending on what they’re feeling or experiencing; after all, they’re also humans and they too have feelings.”

“Emotions like happiness, pleasure, love, laughter, and affection cause the pupils to dilate and you can basically feel it from them. Hatred, anger, jealousy, fear and so cause the pupils to constrict and that too, you can feel it and see from their behavior.”

Jongin continued to stare at the floor and waited for the doctor to continue. “You, Kim Jongin, I still haven’t figured you out. Your pupils, as far as I have seen, have never dilated, even if you had laughed or smiled in front of me, not once had they dilated. They are fixed and unchanging; two thin, dangerous slits of black against brown. They never reveal anything, no matter what your face or body language shows, your eyes give away nothing but remain dark and dead without letting any light seep in. Your eyes observe and read everything and everyone around you but remain impossible to be read. All it takes is one feeling to be revealed before the chain reaction starts, but you..."

"Mine hasn't started." Jongin completed the sentence.

"Yeah, yours hasn't started," Kyungsoo agreed. "Yet."

Kyungsoo sighed and glanced at his patient from the corner of his eye. “But like I said, eyes don’t lie and they _are_ the windows to one’s soul, so there’s one thing yours don’t lie about.”

Jongin looked up at that. “Eyes that belong to an angry person and eyes that have seen too much and don’t carry any regret in them. Eyes of someone who hates anything and everything around him. That’s all I see in you; anger and hatred and the need for revenge.”

Jongin looked back at the floor thoughtfully as the doctor fell silent.

“You’re right, eyes do reveal everything, but I have hidden mine because no one deserves to see them.” Jongin finally said after a long silence.

“We’ll see. Only time can tell, Jongin, only time can tell,” Kyungsoo smiled at his patient, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

Jongin only glanced at his doctor before looking away.

A bell rang outside and both men sighed.

“Well, looks like your session is up, doc. Pleasure talking to you,” Jongin said as he smiled at Kyungsoo.

“Pleasure’s all mine, Jongin,” Kyungsoo said jumping down from the table.

Jongin didn’t escort Kyungsoo out like he usually did and Kyungsoo walked to the door alone. Just as he was about to open the door, a bone-rattling sneeze made the doctor jump in fright.

“Sorry,” Jongin said sheepishly as he rubbed his nose.

“You really should wipe your hair, it’s still wet and you might catch a cold,” Kyungsoo said as he turned around.

“I’ll be fine,” Jongin waved a dismissive hand.

Kyungsoo glanced at the towel lying on the bed and threw a glance at his patient. Sucking in his breath, he walked to the bed, grabbed the towel and walked to his patient who looked at him in confusion.

Without saying anything, Kyungsoo threw the towel over Jongin’s head and started wiping his hair. Jongin’s hands immediately gripped Kyungsoo’s wrists in an iron grip.

“What are you doing?” Jongin hissed from underneath the towel.

“Wiping your hair, what does it look like?”

“I said I’ll be fine, so why aren’t you listening to me? Wanna die?”

“I’m not doing it because I wanna die,” Kyungsoo scoffed. “It’s because I care, Jongin.”

Kyungsoo felt his patient freeze as soon as the words tumbled out of his mouth. A few moments of silence passed before the hands around his wrist slowly loosened and fell beside their owner.

Kyungsoo hummed happily and continued to wipe Jongin’s hair who remained frozen.

Once he was sure that it was done, he removed the towel, placed it on Jongin’s lap, and grinned at Jongin’s wild hair which looked like a bird’s nest after a massive storm.

“Wow! You really need a haircut!” Kyungsoo laughed as he ran his fingers through the soft, brown hair, taming it down.

Jongin just stared at Kyungsoo whilst the doctor continued to flatten his hair with a wide grin plastered on his face, his deft fingers combing through his knots and his stomach in knots as he knew that his patient was staring at him

“There! All done!” Kyungsoo exclaimed after having finished and Jongin’s gaze immediately dropped to the towel on his lap. “Well, I’m done here for today. See you tomorrow, Jongin.”

Kyungsoo quickly left the room with butterflies still exploding in his stomach while Jongin remained seated and staring at the towel on his lap.

After the doctor had left and closed the door behind him, he looked at the door and sighed wearily. “Why?”

Jongin stared back at the towel and grasped it within his hands. “Why do you care for me, stupid? Don’t care for me.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> How was this chappy? Can’t believe it took me so long to actually finish typing this shit *sigh*
> 
> Subscribe, Comment and Vote if you haven’t already! They are bae!!!! <3
> 
> And so are you!! <3
> 
> Hope you liked it!
> 
> Love ya’ll!
> 
> -DW
> 
> PS. I really tried to make Jongin sound like a wise philosopher in this chapter, but gosh, it’s hard… I made him an even bigger and narcissistic asshole in this chapter! :/
> 
> Oh well, hope you still like him! :p


	7. Sometimes Following Your Heart Means Losing Your Mind

** Monday, 26th September 2016 **

 

“Ayyo, wassup Kyungsoo?” a deep voice called and Kyungsoo’s gaze shifted from the screen of his laptop to a tall giant.

  
Yifan casually walked up to his table and plopped on the chair opposite the owl eyed male. “Morning, Yifan,” Kyungsoo greeted with a small smile.

  
The tall male grinned before taking out a chocolate milk from his coat pocket. Inserting the straw into it, he heavily slurped on the drink, oblivious to the momentary look of annoyance that passed through the short doctor’s face as he stared at the laptop once again.

  
After a short moment of loud slurping noises, Yifan finally finished the carton of milk and crushed it before throwing it at a bin placed about a meter away from their table. The carton bounced off the edge of the bin and landed on the floor.

  
Yifan cursed while Kyungsoo smiled cheekily at the fuming doctor.

“What’s got you in a bad mood, then?” Kyungsoo asked after a while.

  
“Huh? Oh, nothing. I’m just really bored and I’m waiting for my session with Tao to start.” Yifan said in a bored voice.

  
“How’s stuff with him going?”

  
“It’s quite good, actually.”

  
“What’s he in here for anyway? Murder?”

  
“Who? Tao? No way, my Tao could never hurt anyone – at least not intentionally.”

  
Kyungsoo grinned widely when Yifan unconsciously said ‘my Tao’, but decided to say nothing about it.

  
“Oh? But didn’t he hit… who was it? Joonmyeon’s fiance?” Kyungsoo asked, furrowing his brows as he tried to recall a name.

  
“Yixing. Yeah, he did, but it wasn’t on purpose, really.”

  
“Oh, so then what did he do to get in here?”

  
“He tried to burn down his own house thrice.”

  
Kyungsoo raised a brow. “He tried to burn down his house thrice and you say he won’t hurt anyone?”

  
“The kid waited until his parents went to work before he tried to burn it down and there was no one else in the house.”

  
Kyungsoo laughed loudly. “Yeah, okay then. Where did he live that he wanted to burn the house down so badly?"

 

"I don't know for sure, but somewhere in Goyang City or so."

 

"Really?" Kyungsoo asked, eyes widening in surprise. "I used to live there before I moved to Seoul."

  
“Huh. Well, the kid is obsessed with fire, he loves it and says he wants to watch them burn.”

  
“Watch who burn?”

  
“I don’t know.” Yifan shrugged. “But I’m glad I’m not part of his ‘people to burn’ list. Apparently one of the doctor’s who had been assigned to him freaked out when Tao had kept saying ‘I want to watch you burn’. Tao once managed to escape from his room once and he nearly burned down this institute. Luckily for everyone, I was happening to walk down the corridor he was running through. He looked pretty lost so I asked if he needed help and he wanted me to show him the way to the kitchen and when I told him that he could go to the cafeteria to get food, he shook his head and told me he wanted to burn the place down.”

  
“Oh. So what did you do? Drag him back to his room?”

  
“Of course not! I had heard news from other doctors that he knew wushu enough to beat an ass black and blue. So I freaked out, ran for my life and called for help. Next day I come, they removed me from the patient I was assigned to, Luhan, and they assigned me to Tao.”

  
“Oh? Why was that?”

  
“They said that he had specifically demanded for me and apparently he had threatened them if they didn’t do as he had said.”

  
“Really? Why did he want you specifically? Did he want to ‘watch you burn' as well?”

  
“No. Actually, he wanted me because he said that I was the opposite, although God only knows what he meant.”

  
“Huh. Even I don’t know why I was assigned to Jongin when there are obviously better doctors than I am.” Kyungsoo stated.

  
Yifan hummed thoughtfully. “Well, everything has its reasons, and speaking of Jongin, how are things after last Monday?”

  
Kyungsoo had told Yifan of everything that had happened, including when Jongin had hurt him, and also about all they had talked about. Yifan, as much as he hated the tan male, couldn’t seem to disagree with the way he viewed the world, but he completely lost it when Kyungsoo told about when Jongin had hurt him, even though Kyungsoo said that afterward Jongin had more or less apologized indirectly. Yifan had only scoffed and rolled his eyes at the short male. “I don’t care what he says about criminals, Kyungsoo, or about what is wrong and what is right, he is bad and nothing is gonna change how I see him as,” Yifan had said to the short doctor.

  
“Nothing,” Kyungsoo sighed. “I swear I have never been so excited to go to sleep on a Sunday night knowing that I would wake up on a Monday morning.”

  
“You are so fucking weird,” Yifan muttered and Kyungsoo merely shrugged before returning his attention to his laptop once again.

  
“What are you doing on the laptop?” Yifan asked, tapping the device.

  
“Trying to find a reason.” Came the simple reply.

  
“Reason for what?”

  
“A reason for Jongin’s hatred. The murder and assaults were all over the news when it happened, weren’t they? The chase for the dangerous Kim Jongin?”

“You honestly make it sound as if he’s not at all a threat but an angel or something.”

  
“I don’t know, Yifan, but there’s something about him,” Kyungsoo said thoughtfully.

  
“Hello? Earth to Do Kyungsoo! The guy hurt you last Monday and he might do the same today as well!” Yifan said, throwing up his hands in the air.

  
“He just hurt my thigh a bit, not much,” Kyungsoo replied rolling his eyes.

  
"Yeah, sure.” Yifan snorted. “And today he might go a bit higher and squeeze there.”

  
Kyungsoo turned a dark shade of red and cleared his throat uncomfortably while Yifan’s eyes went wide with horror as he realized what he had said.

  
“No, wait! That’s not what I meant! I didn’t mean that he’d squeeze your… umm.. junior… but your neck! I meant he might strangle you!” Yifan hurriedly corrected himself as he also flushed. Kyungsoo continued to read the article on the screen as he pursed his lips.

“God, Kyungsoo. What is going through that mind of yours?” Yifan questioned, a brow going up and lips forming a small smirk.

  
“Me? You said it, Yifan.”

  
“I didn’t even mean it that way but you took it that way,” Yifan stated.

  
Kyungsoo scoffed and continued reading.

  
“You better be careful,” Yifan warned with a serious tone. “You don’t want to end up falling for your patient, would you?”

  
Kyungsoo merely glared at Yifan and muttered an inaudible 'look who's talking' before starting to read the article again.

  
But even he couldn’t deny the fact that there was something about his patient that drew him to the tan male. He was like a moth drawn to a flame, and it wouldn’t be long before something or another happened and he got burned, but for some weird reason, he wanted to be burned.

  
“So, then, any luck on what might have been the reasons?” Yifan asked, pulling Kyungsoo deep from within his swirling thoughts.  
Kyungsoo shook his head dejectedly.

 

Just then, a boy walked up to their table and both males looked at him.

 

“Doctor Do Kyungsoo?” the boy asked facing the short doctor.

  
“That’s me. What can I do for you?”

  
“Umm, the Head asked for you to come to meet him after your session with your patient today.”

  
“Oh. Is there any reason?” Kyungsoo asked the boy shook his head. “Okay, thank you. I shall go meet him later, then.”

  
The boy bowed before turning on his heel and leaving the two males.

  
“Joonmyeon wants to see you? Why?”

  
Kyungsoo shrugged, his mind also trying to come up with a solution. “Beats me. Guess I’ll have to find out later.”

  
Yifan also shrugged before placing his head on the table for a quick nap while Kyungsoo clicked on another article.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo’s brow twitched in annoyance when he stepped into his patient’s room with high hopes only to have them crushed at the sight of Jongin sleeping peacefully on the bed.

  
Sighing wearily, he muttered loud enough so that the tan male could hear him in case he wasn’t really asleep, “It’s a beautiful Monday, Kim Jongin, why don’t we have a nice chat like how we usually did on all Mondays?”

  
Jongin continued to sleep, not revealing whether or not he was sleeping.

  
Kyungsoo grunted in frustration before walking to the chair and dragging it close to the bed, the legs of the chair scraping against the floor loud enough to wake a hibernating bear, but Kim Jongin remained still as a statue, only his chest rising and falling in a slow, steady rhythm.

  
“Seriously? We’re not gonna talk today, then?” Kyungsoo growled, glaring at his sleeping patient. “Fine.”

  
He sat on the chair and just played with his fingers, occasionally casting a glance at Jongin to see if he was awake before he went back to playing with his fingers.

  
After about fifteen minutes of a suffocating silence and a growing need to pour a bucket of water over his patient’s head, Kyungsoo coughed and cleared his throat as a desperate attempt to awaken the sleeping male. Nothing.

  
Kyungsoo stared at his patient long enough to burn holes through him, but the longer he stared, the more he couldn’t seem to tear his gaze away from Jongin.

  
 _He looks so peaceful sleeping unlike when he is awake and being an asshole_ , Kyungsoo thought. Kyungsoo could almost count the long lashes that framed the brown pair of eyes which were closed. His face seemed so relaxed and happy.

  
_And there's a weird sense of innocence around him._

  
“It’s really rude to stare, doc,” Jongin spoke and opened his eyes as Kyungsoo jumped off the chair and took a few steps back looking flustered for having been caught.

  
“I – I wasn’t staring,” Kyungsoo stammered and looked down.

  
Jongin chuckled and sat up on the bed, turning to the short doctor as he crossed his legs and leaned back against the wall.

 

Kyungsoo took cautious steps and sat down on the chair. “I honestly thought you weren’t going to talk with me today," Kyungsoo finally broke the silence when all Jongin did was stare at him.

 

“Missed hearing me that much?” Jongin smirked and Kyungsoo shrugged. “Well, I honestly didn't want to wake up ‘cause I was having a nice dream.”

  
“You… dream?”

  
Jongin raised a brow. “What? You think I’m a robot?”

  
“Well, you sure do act like one most of the time,” Kyungsoo replied bluntly and Jongin laughed a dry laugh.

  
“Touché, but I do dream.”

  
“What was it about?”

  
“You mean, _who_ was it about?” Jongin corrected.

  
Kyungsoo sighed. “Okay, _who_ was it about?” He asked although he knew what the answer would probably be; either his parents or some unfortunate victim of his, someone whom he had hurt.

  
Jongin smiled. “You.”

  
It took a while for the word to sink in, and when it had, Kyungsoo’s large owl eyes became twice their size. “M – me?”

  
Jongin hummed in agreement and closed his eyes. “Yeah. It was the first day we met.”

  
“Oh.” Kyungsoo absentmindedly said, recalling how his first day with Jongin had been like. “Well, I sure do hope that, at least in your dream, you didn’t throw any sharp objects at me.”

  
“Nope.”

  
“Or anything else, for that matter.”

  
“Nope.”

  
“Oh, okay, that’s good to hear.” Kyungsoo smiled.

  
This was progress. For once, Jongin had not mentioned anything about killing.

  
“Then you’re making progress, Jongin,” Kyungsoo smiled widely, feeling a little bubble of happiness from inside him.

  
“Progress? How?” Jongin asked, and opened his eyes.

  
“Well, the dream wasn’t of violence.”

  
“I took something from you.”

  
Kyungsoo’s smile dropped. “Oh, never mind.”

  
“Why?” Jongin chuckled again. “What did you expect it to be, doctor?”

  
“I don’t know; but definitely not me. I thought, maybe of someone you had hurt or so. Maybe your first kill? Your parents? Many tend to relive that moment a countless number of times.”

  
Jongin stared at the doctor for a full minute before he spoke again. “If I was to relive my first kill, then it wouldn’t be my parents, doctor.”

  
A sheen of sweat broke across Kyungsoo’s forehead and the temperature in the room seemed to drop suddenly, making his palms clammy and heart race.

  
“My first victim was someone else. It was a young boy, actually.”

  
Although Kyungsoo hadn’t even heard the rest, he felt sick already and dreaded that Jongin would continue talking.

  
“A young boy who had lots of dreams and hopes. A boy whose life was every bit as miserable as it could probably get, but he kept believing that someday, a change would come and that he’d be free and happy. But you know what? Nothing ever changed for him, and every ‘today’ of his life was worse than his ‘yesterday’ while his ‘tomorrow’ was more unbearable than his ‘today’. So, I helped him, you know. I put him out of his misery and he is very thankful because, with that, his life changed for the best. Do you understand me?”

  
Kyungsoo felt a sudden burst of anger grow inside him and his hands clenched into tight fists. “You killed him, didn’t you?”

  
“Yes. Yes, I did.”

  
Kyungsoo glared at Jongin before diverting his gaze away from the tan male. "Let's take a little break now."

 

Jongin's gaze hardened. "You said you wanted to know me, so listen to me, do you understand?"

 

Kyungsoo kept his gaze fixed away from his patient and tried hard to keep his rising anger at bay as he stayed silent.

  
Taking that as a cue, Jongin continued, "I helped him, you see? He was young and so naïve; easily gave in and easily broke, easily believed and was just as easily hurt over and over, again and again. He just didn’t understand. He wanted to be free but he didn’t understand how to get it, so I made him understand.”

  
Kyungsoo remained silent with lips pursed in a thin line and anger burning in his eyes.

  
“His name was Kim Jongin,” Jongin said and watched in satisfaction when Kyungsoo faced him slowly with confusion etched on his face. “Kim Jongin was my first victim.”

  
“What?”

  
“I destroyed this,” Jongin said as he tapped his head. “I destroyed the dreams and hopes and visions he had inside.”

  
“You killed… yourself?” Kyungsoo hesitated.

  
“Yes. I had to destroy myself in order to understand; I had to kill the weakling I was in order to realize and change.”

  
That was when Kyungsoo understood. Jongin had destroyed all of what he had believed and had crushed all his hopes that had been in his head in order to bring about the change he so desperately wanted; in other words, he had destroyed who he had been in the past in order to become the person he was now.

  
“Humans… they can be mishandled, abused, tortured, chained and so on, but their mind can never be imprisoned, you know? All it takes is one tiny little thought to start something beautiful; to end the life of one in order to begin the life of another.”

  
“Or vice versa,” Kyungsoo whispered in a hushed tone, eyes clouding over.

  
“Or vice versa.” Jongin agreed, observing the distracted doctor.

  
A silence settled upon the two males one of them momentarily lost in another world while the other watched a variety of emotions that fleeted across the other's face.

"Come out if it, Kyungsoo, where ever you are in that head of yours, come out of it right now," Jongin demanded in a low tone, making the doctor come out of his trance immediately.

"Don't live in past memories, it's a horrible place to be."

Kyungsoo looked down at his lap as he tried to mask his emotions, mentally scolding himself for having lost himself in the past.

"As I was saying, anyway, it was the 'me' before who was my first victim."

"Why do you say so, Jongin?"

"The 'me' in the past was an absolute weakling, really. So gullible and stupid for having beliefs in fantasies. But bit by bit, when nothing seemed to change and time moved on although every single day of his life was a repetition of his 'yesterdays', he grew tired of it, and that was when I took part in it. Telling him ways to achieve happiness and freedom and everything else he desired, and all I had to do was give him one idea and the rest took place on its own."

Jongin smiled to himself. "Eventually, I won, and everything he had built up - all his fantasies and dreams and hopes - I destroyed them. I destroyed the cocoon of safe haven he had made in his mind and replaced them with my own."

Jongin looked at the doctor with the ghost of a smile still on his lips. "I was a prisoner in my own head, then."

Kyungsoo looked at Jongin with a mixture of emotions. "The hardest prison to escape is the mind, isn't it? And that's exactly where you managed to escape from."

"Yes. I was imprisoned by fear and by the guilt of the thoughts of all the things I wanted to do. But you know, life is like a bomb that's just ticking away endlessly till it goes boom, and you don't want it to go boom after having not done anything in your life that you wanted to do, because humans are always haunted by the idea that they are not good enough or that they have not achieved anything worth achieving, and at some time in your life, you reach a point where you just cannot take it anymore and you either make the change you want to see, or you just completely self-destruct."

Jongin took a deep breath in. "That time came for me and I did what I had to do in order to change. If you kill the life in one's mind, you completely disarm them, and then you can kill them."

"But you could have taken other measures, Jongin, there's always more than one way out."

"Not in my case. That day, for the first time, I was able to make a choice. I was able to lead a life and I was able to make things right."

"Taking actions by following what your heart and mind say don't necessarily end up being the right thing. You are still a person, just like me, and there's a human side in you, just like me."

"I wanted to be free," Jongin hissed, straightening his back and placing both his palms on each of his knees as he glared at the short male. "I wanted change. I wanted to be free and happy and lead the life I wanted! Is that so wrong, doctor?"

"No, Jongin, it's not. It is only human nature to have the need to be free. Freedom and happiness are what everyone wants, but what you did in order to achieve that was not right in terms of our principles of consciousness and human values and such. We are people and we feel. So, even if you did something bad in order to achieve what you wanted, is the method by which you made that change come about good or even right in definition?"

Jongin continued to stare at the doctor with narrow eyes and Kyungsoo hesitated a bit, wondering whether he had said too much.

But when Jongin made no move or any attempt to talk, Kyungsoo continued to talk. "It's not, is it, Jongin?"

"My priorities and values are far different from your own, doctor Do, understand that. You talk about humanity and such, but there's only so much one can bear before they snap and lose themselves. Sometimes, following your heart and wanting to get what you crave means you lose your mind, and your sanity."

"No, you are still human, Jongin, there's no possibility that'd you'd be completely insensitive or a complete animal; that's what makes us 'us'. You may lose your mind, but you won't lose who are completely, and I am pretty sure, that deep down in you, there's still a bit of the 'old' Jongin whom you have claimed to have destroyed, or as you say 'killed'."

Jongin crossed his arms over his chest stubbornly and glared at Kyungsoo, eyes boring holes through the doctor.

"I know you're human because if you wanted to have hurt me, you would have done it already. Last Monday, you hurt me, but not till it became unbearable or so. You stopped once you realized that I was in pain. You say you are more or less like an animal, then why'd you stop when you could've probably broken my leg? Why, Jongin?"

The tanned male remained silent.

"I am no different from anyone else you've come across, so why'd you stop, Jongin?"

Seconds passed of a deafening silence with only the labored breathing of the two males.

"It's because you care."

Jongin broke eye contact with the doctor and looked down at his lap because for the first time in years after many encounters with many people, the short, nervous male seated in front of him was actually making him question himself. Questions of doubts with no solutions were stirring up inside him, and for the first time in a long, long time, he started to feel an uncomfortable sense of warmth inside.

Luckily for him, the bell rang and he immediately jumped out of the bed and quickly headed towards the door. Kyungsoo let out a groan of utter frustration; after having managed to finally break his patient a bit, the God damn bell just had to ring.

Huffing in annoyance, he reluctantly got up and headed towards the door which was wide open already. He stopped right in front of Jongin and faced his patient.

"Well, I guess I'll talk with you next Monday, then, since you only talk then," Kyungsoo mumbled, giving a curt nod at the tall male.

Jongin was just staring intensely at Kyungsoo before he spoke, his voice gruff, "They warned me about people like you; the ones with the soft-spoken eyes and kind hearts who are determined to get what they want no matter what. They said that people like you could break me and hurt me and they always warned me to stay away from you, but as it turns out, I happen to unfortunately like taking risks, don't I?"

Kyungsok remained silent, trying to read as to what was going through Jongin's head.

"Well, anyway, next Monday when you come, I want you to bring me a lollipop."

Kyungsoo blinked once. Twice. Thrice. "Excuse me? Did you just say a lollipop?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yes, a lollipop."

Kyungsoo debated on what to say for a moment. "Okay, well, which flavor do you want then?"

"You'll know."

"What do you mean 'you'll know'? There's a lot of flavors! I can't possibly know from all of them!"

"When you bring one, I'll either accept it or reject it,"Jongin said with a small smile before opening the door wider, waiting for the doctor to head out. Kyungsoo sighed again and hesitantly stepped out and turned around.

"Do you like orange?"

Jongin stuffed his left hand in his pocket and cocked his head to the right with a smile. "You'll know," he said before closing the door.

"Not helping," Kyungsoo growled and turned around to leave before he remembered that he had to meet Kim Joonmyeon. 

"Aish, I have to go meet him now?" Kyungsoo muttered to himself before walking in the opposite direction, millions of possibilities of lollipop flavors running through his head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> Howkay. IDK what to say about this.
> 
> A big thanks to La-PumpkIn (who commented on asianfanfics)!!!! This woman here commented on my 3rd chappie and God! She made me see some of my flaws in that chapter and made me see it from a whole new perspective!!! We even had a long-ass conversation about both our points of view and I really really really need to thank her because I borrowed some of the ideas and thoughts she shared with me. THANKS SO MUCH, LOVE!!! They may/ may not be in the same wording, though, but gosh.. I love you for the ideas you gave me and for showing me a different perspective!! ♡♡♡
> 
> Hope you guys liked this anyway! 
> 
> Comment and vote and subscribe? Yeah! :p
> 
> Love ya'll so much!
> 
> -DW


	8. Just Wait A While... For Everything Will Eventually Fall Into Place Or Fall Apart

_ Please note that dates change in the middle of the chapter :) _

 

**Sunday, 25th September 2016**

 

 

The well-lit, silent library was occupied of a few people scattered haphazardly at random tables deeply engrossed in their work with mouths moving in soundless whispers and pens scratching roughly against paper, the white being stained by the dark ink. Shelves upon shelves were stacked with books ranging from Economics to Medicine, History to every other information which anyone required.

A tall male with pale pink lips tightly set in a straight line, golden-brown hair curled back perfectly in order with not a single strand out of place, hawk-like eyes darting back and forth restlessly walked briskly into the silent library, scanning the heads as he searched for a certain person. As soon as his eyes landed on a familiar mop of light brown hair, he made his way to the table with that occupant, his shoes making a soft  _clack, clack, clack_  noise, which had, if anyone listened closely, a slightly off timing to that of most of the other walkers.

"Professor Kim?" He called out in a hushed voice and Kim Jongdae, head of the Psychology department of the University, looked up and smiled at his student.

"Ahh, Sehun, what may I do for you?"

The tall male stood in front of the seated professor and gave a small smile before continuing to talk, "I was wondering if you had called the institute and asked about my request and if they had maybe provided you with an answer by now."

The professor tiredly rubbed his eyes and gave a weak smile, the corners of the eyes barely crinkling and his dark circles becoming more prominent. "Ah, that. I'm really sorry, but with the finals and all I really didn't have the time to do so, but since I would have some free time today evening, do you mind if I ask them tonight and let you know then? Or tomorrow morning?"

"That would be just fine, sir. Could you tell them that I'd like to start as soon as possible or so?"

"Of course."

"Will you be talking to the Head of the institute? Kim Joonmyeon?"

"Yes."

"And are you sure that he wouldn't mind it? I mean, my request?"

"Of course not!" Jongdae chuckled. "He'd be quite pleased, actually, because it's a pleasure to see young ones like you giving it your best and trying hard. So, don't worry, but I'll confirm to you anyway and also tell you when you'll be starting."

"Okay. Well, then, that is all I wanted to ask from you, really. I'm sorry if I disturbed you, I shall take my leave now." Sehun said and politely bowed.

"Not at all. A pleasure to help out my best performing student." Jongdae said smiling as he gave a curt nod.

Oh Sehun walked back out of the library, the irregular  _clack, clack, clack_  noise echoing in the silent library.

_Now, all I have to do is wait a while._

But Oh Sehun knew that everything would work out fine; because he always got what he wanted, one way or another.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kim Joonmyeon was doing some paperwork at home late in the night when a shrill noise filled the silent air, startling him.

Looking at the caller ID, he smiled before answering the phone, "Jongdae! What's the matter with you that's got you calling me at this ungodly hour?"

A deep chuckle echoed from the other end at the jovial greeting. "Hello, Joonmyeon, thought you'd be awake now."

"You know me all too well," Joonmyeon laughed and as did the Professor.

"So, what's the matter?"

"Actually, nothing's wrong, in case you're wondering, but I'd like to ask of a small request from you."

"What is it?"

"A student of mine - he's doing Psychology - has asked me if I could see to it if he could do some volunteer work or so at your institute.”

Joonmyeon quirked a brow at that. “A student of yours? Well, that’s new. What’s so special about this student that you want to send him here?"

"Well, he was actually the one to ask me if I could talk to you about it and I said I shall see what I can do. He is my top class student and one of the most respected and loved student's from all. Not at all a troublesome fellow. He does his work and he does it perfectly well, too."

"Really? Well, he must be some superhuman or so if he's to receive such compliments from you like that," Joonmyeon chuckled. 

"Well, the kid sure does deserve it," Jongdae replied with a laugh.

"Hmm, well what exactly does he want to do? Take a tour around the institute or something?"

"Well, not really. He asked me if he could get some experience or so from the institute."

"He wants to work here? Jongdae, you know we only allow professionals here, not university students."

"I know, Joonmyeon, but doesn't the institute have people who aren't that difficult to handle? The ones that are almost stable and those who need only a few months of therapy or so before they are released or something? Can't you find someone like that for him? Please? The kid has been persistent about this and chasing me around campus asking me whether I had asked you or so for the past month."

Joonmyeon fell silent, deep in thought as the suggestion made by Jongdae did feel possible. 

"Well, I guess I can make some arrangements for him. We have a couple of people who are fit enough to be released soon enough, and I may be able to find him someone as well..." Joonmyeon trailed off.

After a few moments of silence, he spoke again, "Tell you what, I think I can do something about this. There are patients here whom he may be able to handle. So, I guess it's okay, but I will have to meet him before. I am not exactly confirming now, but I shall clarify once I have met him and such, OK?"

Jongdae hummed in agreement. "Thank you, Joonmyeon. Also, there is one other thing he also requested for."

"Yeah?"

"Well, he wanted me to know whether there was any patient in the institute that is, basically, the most dangerous or so."

Kim Joonmyeon's thoughts immediately seized on one individual. 

_Kim Jongin._

"Well, yes..." Joonmyeon mumbled hesitantly. "But I cannot let him near that patient, I'm sorry."

"Oh, no, that's fine. Sehun just wanted to know whether he could talk to the doctor in charge of that patient. To study the methods and ways he uses and such during the time they spend with their patients."

"Oh. Well, I have no problem with that, but I shall have to consult the doctor in charge, doctor Do Kyungsoo, to see if that is alright with him or so. I can talk to him tomorrow and confirm then. Is that alright with you?"

"Yes, of course. That would be perfect." Jongdae breathed out from the other end.

"Okay, well, then shall I call you tomorrow morning? Or maybe drop you a text?"

"Drop a text please, I might be at lectures."

"Okay, well, is that all, then?"

"Yes, Joonmyeon. For now, at least. Trust me, Sehun's a good kid, you won't regret it."

"I'll hold you to that, Jongdae." Joonmyeon smiled. "Well, I have more paperwork to attend to, so, if that is all, good night, Jongdae."

"Good night, Joonmyeon," Jongdae said before he hung up.

Kim Joonmyeon sighed tiredly and eyed his paperwork tiredly.

"Oh Sehun," he mumbled. "Let's see what you're made out of, boy."

 

 

 

* * *

 

_This is basically a continuation of the day from the last chapter._

 

** Monday, 26th September 2016 **

 

 

 

Do Kyungsoo walked briskly to Kim Joonmyeon's office, his heart in his mouth and blood pounding in his ears.

_He's not going to fire me, is he? I know that I haven't made much progress after a month, but even he said that Jongin was a tough one to crack, right?_

Sending silent prayers, he knocked on the door thrice.

"Come in," Joonmyeon's voice called out from the other side.

Grabbing the doorknob in his clammy palm, he twisted it and stepped into the room before closing the door behind him as silently as possible.

"Ah! Doctor Do! I was wondering when you'd come!" Joonmyeon exclaimed as he quickly got up, walked up to the owl-eyed male and shook his hand.

"My session with Jongin just ended and I came here as soon as I could. I was told that you wanted to see me?"

"Yes. You see, last night a good friend of mine called me and asked if one of his students could come and just take a look around the institute and maybe get to work with a patient or so. I said that was fine, but I plan on doing that as long as he is supervised by someone. He also asked me if he could talk to you as well."

"Me?" Kyungsoo asked surprised.

"Well, the student had apparently asked who was the most dangerous patient in the institute and if he could talk with the doctor assigned to him. He wants to get advice from you and such. I honestly don't mind this, but the decision is completely up to you, of course."

Kyungsoo blinked a numerous number of times as he tried to process all the information. "A-are you sure, Sir? I mean, I still haven't cracked Jongin one bit," Kyungsoo stated, going red at admitting his failure as a doctor.

Joonmyeon's eyes softened upon the sight of the disappointed doctor. "Kyungsoo," he said softly and placed a gentle hand on the shot male's shoulder, "Not everything happens instantly or happens the way we want it to be. Some things take a while before you start to see results. I know Jongin isn't an easy one. You're the doctor who has not yet been threatened and harmed yet. It takes time, Kyungsoo. Jongin's walls are built so high so naturally, it's going to take some time in order to break them. He's like the sea, you know? Rough around the edges and dangerous, but even the sea is most calm as you go to the center, and it isn't an easy task, but I believe you can get to his center eventually."

Kyungsoo smiled widely at Joonmyeon and he flushed a dark red. "Thank you, for having so much faith in me. Although there are obviously better doctors than me whom you could have chosen for this task, I am honored you chose me, so I shall try my very best."

"I know you will," Joonmyeon said, smiling widely as well.

"And about the student meeting me, I don't mind, really. I shall try to help him in any way I can, even if I haven't achieved much with Jongin."

"You just have to wait for it."

Kyungsoo smiled once again and then cleared his throat. "Well, if that was all, shall I take my leave, Sir?"

"Joonmyeon, Kyungsoo, just Joonmyeon is fine," Joonmyeon said as he waved a dismissive hand. "And of course you may leave now. All the best of luck with your patient."

"Thank you," Kyungsoo said and bowed before he left quickly.

As soon as Kyungsoo left, Joonmyeon texted Jongdae.

_To: Jongdae_

_I talked with the doctor and he said it was fine. When can your student come to meet us? Please ask him to come during a weekday. Thanks._

 

 

 *********

 

 

Jongdae was in the middle of a lecture when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Immediately he knew that it was none other than Joonmyeon. Curiosity getting the better of him, he opened the text and read it, a smile forming on his lips. He then quickly proceeded to send a message to Sehun.

 

_To: Oh Sehun_

_Kim Joonmyeon has agreed to your request. He has asked if you could meet on a weekday. When are you available?_

 

 

 *********

 

 

Oh Sehun switched on his phone when he heard the alert signaling that he had received a message. 

 

_From : Professor Kim Jongdae_

_Kim Joonmyeon has agreed to your request. He has asked if you could meet on a weekday. When are you available?_

 

Sehun felt the corners of his lips tug upwards into a smile as he read the text; of course, it was not at all surprising because he had seen this coming. 

_Everything has begun to fall into place._

 

_Finally._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Kim Jongin jumped into his bed once Kyungsoo had gone and threw his right arm over his eyes before he groaned out loudly.

_How could I have been so careless? Why did I tell him all that?_

He groaned again loudly as he couldn't seem to come up with an explanation for why he had suddenly opened up to his doctor, as his mind reeled back into the past.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_"You little piece of shit! Come here!" An angry man's voice yelled and little Jongin covered his ears with his palms as he tried to prevent tears from falling down his face._

_"Don't you dare cry now!" The man yelled even louder. "Don't you dare fucking cry, you brat!"_

_Jongin whimpered and pressed himself tightly against the wall as he heard the all too familiar tinkling sound; so it was going to be the belt today, then._

_"D - daddy... daddy please..." he sobbed. "You're scaring me, daddy!"_

_"Me?" His father guffawed. "Look at me, boy. Look at me!"_

_When Jongin refused to look up at his father, he felt nails dig into his scalp before fingers curled around his hair and forcefully pull his head up, making him cry out in pain._

_His father squatted down to his level as he kept holding Jongin's head so that he could look directly at his son, the innocence of the small brown orbs reflecting contrastingly against the animalistic look in the man's own._

_"Look me in the eyes and tell me, do I look dangerous to you?" His father demanded._

_Jongin refused to answer and his father tugged harshly at his hair. "Answer me when I ask you a question! Do I look dangerous to you?!"_

_Shaking violently, he nodded timidly._

_"Good." His father said, lips forming an ugly snarl. "That's good because it's not me you should be scared of. It's not the monster that I am that you should be scared of, it's the others."_

_Jongin's father fell silent and Jongin looked at his father as his eyes clouded with emotion. "It's the people with the hidden monsters that you should be scared of because all of us are monsters inside. But the people... the ones with the soft eyes, kind souls and love in their hearts... those are the people you should be scared of because they are the ones who are capable of breaking you over and over again while you remain helpless to all what they do."_

_"I'm not like one of them, so it's not me you should be scared of, because one wrong move with them is fatal to you, and soon enough, you become the designer of your own catastrophe, and when it begins, there is just no end to it."_

_Jongin's father sighed as his grip around Jongin's hair tightened as he looked at his son in the eye, the animal look taking over the little emotions that had been present in his eyes. "So you see, you shouldn't be afraid of me. You just need to stay away from them and not make the same mistake I made, that's all. Or else everything will start to fall apart after a while. Everything."_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jongin sighed heavily as he snapped back into reality, his father's voice replaying in his head, and just like his father had said, he had done it; he had opened up a bit to the doctor.

Made the fatal move. And the dominoes had now started falling.

 _Everything has begun to fall apart_.

Jongin sighed again and removed his hand, his gaze fixed on the ceiling.

 

_Kim Jongin, what is your next move?_

 

_I have to break Do Kyungsoo no matter what._

 

_But how long will you be able to stay within these walls?_

 

_Only until he breaks me._

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> Done with this chappie too!! Yayy!! ^-^
> 
> How was it? Watcha think of the sexy lil' Maknae coming into this mess now? 
> 
> Special thanks to WifeofDoKyungsoo (who is also on AFF)!!! :D
> 
> Haha! We also had quite a long talk about this and damn.. she took on the role of Soo while I was Nini! Thanks for spending some of your precious time talking with me as u also gave me ideas!! Some of these are parts of our conversation when we played psychiatrist/patient!! XD
> 
> You'd make a good psychiatrist :p
> 
> Other than that! Hope you guys liked this! 
> 
> Comment! I love reading every single one of them!
> 
> And vote too!! :D
> 
> Take care people!
> 
> Love ya'll!
> 
> -DW


	9. Veiled Ally

** Friday, 30th September 2016 **

 

Kyungsoo checked his watch impatiently for the fifth time and sighed silently. Across him, Kim Joonmyeon was seated and going through some papers and turned around occasionally to enter something into the computer before turning back to his papers.

Kyungsoo was supposed to be in Jongin’s room right now as it was his session with the patient, but as Jongin has a knack for only making conversation on Mondays, Kyungsoo decided that it wouldn’t make much of a difference that he missed today’s session. Kyungsoo and Joonmyeon were now waiting for Oh Sehun, the volunteer student, to come and talk with them and come to an agreement as to whether or not he would qualify to handle a patient.

A knock interrupted both males and Kyungsoo’s head whipped too fast to the door.

“Come in,” Joonmyeon said as he looked up expectantly at the door.

The door opened, and a boy, no more than twenty, stepped through it and into the room as he closed the door behind him.

“Doctor Kim Joonmyeon?” the boy asked, his eyes traveling to the male seated behind the desk and then to Kyungsoo.

“That’s me. You’re Oh Sehun, am I right?”

The boy smiled, his lips curling upwards slightly in the hint of a smile. “It’s a pleasure to finally see you, sir,” the boy walked up to the desk.

Joonmyeon stood up and shook hands with the tall male and then pointed to Kyungsoo, who was also standing.

“This is Doctor Do Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo shook the hand extended towards him and shivered at the cold touch. As he looked at the boy’s face, he fidgeted uncomfortably as the taller male’s sharp eyes observed him from head to toe.

“Take a seat, Sehun,” Joonmyeon said as he waved a hand towards the second chair placed opposite him.

Sehun bowed slightly and sat down and as did Kyungsoo and Joonmyeon.

“So, tell me, Oh Sehun, what is the reason that made you want to volunteer at this institute? Why not another out of all the institutes here in Seoul?” Joonmyeon asked as his gaze narrowed on the student.

Sehun’s tongue darted out and licked his upper lip, his fingers drumming on his knee as he replied, “Well, although there are many institutes here in Seoul, I have heard about this one a lot and how good it is and the work of professional doctors from a lot of people, too. And Professor Kim also speaks highly of your institute and the way you run it.”

“Of course he would,” Joonmyeon smiled. “What made you choose Psychiatry as your major?”

“It’s really interesting. In my past, there was a time when… things went a bit bad and I was traumatized for a really long time. My mentality was really unstable and I remember that it had affected me really bad that I couldn’t speak nor think straight for days on end. I was taken to a psychologist and there was a gradual improvement after a long time of several failed attempts. It honestly wasn’t all that pleasant, really, and being in that kind of state, when I didn’t know what to do and what not to do, it’s was unnerving.”

The male paused and pulled at his collar a bit. “I really don’t want to remember those days, but it’s a part of me and always will be, no matter how hard I try to forget it. And the feeling then was horrible. My psychologist helped me a lot to pull through that phase and I am eternally grateful for that. I want to do the same to others who might also be going through what I had once gone through and I want to help them as much as I can and to overcome the obstacles they face.”

Joonmyeon had a small smile on his lips as he listened earnestly to what the younger was saying and Kyungsoo was also enraptured by him.

“I still don’t know much about it as I am studying, but I want to learn more. I want to learn as much as I can, and I believe coming here was the right choice. I want to learn the best from the best, and I want to help.”

Joonmyeon remained silent for a few moments as he continued to stare at Sehun who was also looking at him now.

“Well,” the Head finally said. “I really do appreciate what you want to do for the people, and seeing as you had also gone through some rough times and you don’t want others to go through the same thing, I really respect you for having moved on and for thinking in a way that not many young people do these days.”

Sehun gave a small smile in return and his shoulders seemed to lose some of the tension in them.

“But, if you did have a psychologist when you were younger, why didn’t you go to him to learn from. He did help you, right? You could have learned from him.”

Sehun’s fingers drummed against his thigh. “I already did, and I did learn quite some things. And he suggested that I try to volunteer at an institute because experience and learning from the professionals beat everything else. That’s how people are really able to learn.”

“I see,” Joonmyeon nodded.

Kyungsoo pushed his glasses up his nose and stared at the younger male. “If you don’t mind, could I ask you something?”

Sehun looked at the doe-eyed male curiously and gave a small smile.

“Do you mind telling us what it was that made you want to do this?”

Sehun frowned and his brows knitted together. Kyungsoo bit his lower lip nervously and wondered whether he had gone too far with the question.

“I – I'm sorry. I just-”

“No, it’s okay,” the younger replied.

An uncomfortable silence settled upon the three as Joonmyeon and Kyungsoo waited patiently for an answer.

“I lost someone,” came the answer softly. “That person was really, really dear to me and he… died. His death affected me and changed me and I am who I am because of him.”

Kyungsoo bit his lip and lowered his gaze to his lap, regretting the fact that he had reopened an old wound of a stranger he hardly knew of.

“I’m sorry to hear that, Sehun,” Joonmyeon said.

“I just… want to make things right now. I just want to pay back for what I lost. I just want to help.” He said in a strained voice.

Joonmyeon remained silent for a few moments before talking again. “I understand, and the fact that you chose this institute from all that are here in Seoul, I can say you made the right decision.”

Sehun stared at Joonmyeon. “So… does that mean I can work here?”

“Well, it’s more like volunteer work, and there are patients here who are very much stable now, so I guess I could assign you to one of them, but of course you’ll be under the supervision of a professional; we can’t risk anything. It’s really easy to destroy someone, isn’t it?”

“Yes. Yes, it is.”

“And Doctor Do here,” Joonmyeon said and Kyungsoo looked up immediately. “Has agreed to help you with whatever you need.”

“Oh?” the student asked in surprise.

“Jongdae said you requested to seek advice and help from a doctor who is in charge of a dangerous patient, yes?”

“Yes, I did,” Sehun nodded and looked curiously at the short doctor.

“He has agreed to help you, so you can ask him anything you want, okay?”

Sehun continued to stare at Kyungsoo, an unreadable expression etched on his face. “May I ask who your patient is, doctor?”

“Kim Jongin is my patient.”

Kyungsoo thought he saw a smile of satisfaction play on the younger’s lips, but it seemed to have gone as soon as it had come. “I see.”

“Have you heard of him before?”

“No, not really, sorry,” came the reply as the poker-faced male’s fingers drummed on his leg.

“Oh, it's okay.”

“How dangerous is he on a scale of one to ten?”

Kyungsoo thought for a few seconds. “Well, I don’t really know. I mean, all other doctors seem to have a horrible experience with him, but I haven’t really had any so far.”

“And for how long have you been in charge of him?”

“Exactly a month now.”

“Oh? Then you must have really been able to get through to him pretty well, am I right?”

The short doctor reddened at this and laughed sheepishly. “Not really, no. He’s a really difficult person to approach to and I can’t seem to find any way to make him open up to me. Yet.”

“Oh? Well, hopefully, you will be able to get through to him real quick and break him soon enough.” The student smiled.

Kyungsoo fidgeted uncomfortably, a sense of dread growing within him for some odd reason. “Y – yeah, me too.”

A rapid knock echoed through the room and all three looked towards the door.

Before Joonmyeon could say anything, the door opened and Yifan casually strolled in. Upon seeing the three males seated in the room, he stopped and gave a questioning look to Joonmyeon.

“Sorry, did I interrupt something?” he questioned.

“It’s okay. Sehun, this is doctor Wu Yifan. Yifan, this is Oh Sehun. An excellent student majoring in Psychiatry and also a student from one of my closest friend’s. He’s a volunteer worker here at the institute and we were just discussing some matters before he started.” Joonmyeon said.

Sehun stood up and extended a hand to the blond male who had a confused expression permanently plastered on his face. “I’m Oh Sehun and it’s a pleasure to meet you, doctor.”

“… uhh.. yeah, you too…” Yifan replied awkwardly as he shook Sehun’s hand. “It’s certainly nice to see kids being dedicated to this kind of work.”

“Thank you. You’re also in charge of a patient here?”

“Yeah, I am.”

Kyungsoo stood up and walked over to the two males. “Doctor Yifan here has had much more experience than me and he can also help you,” he told Sehun with a smile, completely ignoring the ‘what the fuck’ look Yifan was giving him.

“Okay, really? That would be great. Doctor Do here has agreed to help me and advise me as he was assigned a special patient and I hope you can too.”

Yifan glared at Kyungsoo before turning to Sehun. “Oh, okay, but my patient isn’t all that dangerous as his.”

“That’s okay. It’d be a pleasure to learn from you too, though. A little extra knowledge never hurt anyone.”

“Yeah…” Yifan trailed off as he threw another look at Kyungsoo.

Joonmyeon stood up and walked around the table to them. “Well, you’re definitely going to enjoy your time here and I hope that by the end of your time, you have learned a lot.”

“Hold on, Joonmyeon, is the kid going to go into Jongin’s room?”

“I’d rather not, sir,” Sehun quickly spoke up firmly and without any hesitation. “I- I mean, I really don’t want to interrupt so, I think I’d rather learn from you rather than go into the room,” he said as he looked at the doe-eyed doctor who was looking at him curiously.

“Don’t worry. I wouldn’t allow you to enter the room anyway,” Joonmyeon assured him and smiled when he saw the male relax.

“Well, what time do your sessions start, doctor?” Sehun asked Kyungsoo.

“It’s actually supposed to be my session time now, but Jongin has a habit of talking only on Mondays and no other day so I decided to meet with you and settle everything. Don’t worry, we haven’t missed anything.”

Sehun gazed at him, an unreadable emotion fleeting through his eyes before it quickly disappeared. “Only on Mondays, huh?” his lips turning upwards a fraction at the corners.

“Yeah, you’re gonna have to wait the weekend before he talks and all.”

“Oh, that’s okay. I can wait; I’m really good at waiting.”

“Well, I still do have fifteen minutes left, so maybe I’ll just pop in and see how he’s doing or something. Do you want to come? You’ll have to stay outside, though, sorry.”

“I believe we are done here?” Sehun asked Joonmyeon to which the Head nodded.

“Yes. You may go now. Thank you for coming Sehun, and once again, I really appreciate you for what you’re doing. I hope you enjoy your stay and I hope you achieve what you want.”

“Oh, without a doubt I can say that I definitely will, sir,” he replied as he shook hands again.

“Well, I’ll be off then,” Kyungsoo announced as he too shook hands with Joonmyeon and gave a friendly pat to Yifan’s back. “See you around, Yifan.”

“See you around, Kyungsoo, and you too, Sehun, pleasure meeting you.”

Once Sehun and Kyungsoo left, Yifan turned to Joonmyeon. “You’re okay with a kid working here?”

“He’ll be supervised, and besides, he won’t have to do much at all,” Joonmyeon said.

“Joonmyeon, Kyungsoo isn’t even close to cracking Jongin, why did you place the kid under him? And there are doctors who have had much more experience than Kyungsoo, too. I’m not angry or jealous or anything, but still.”

“I understand what you mean, but he had requested for the doctor handling the special patient in our institute, and even though Kyungsoo is still new to this, I’m sure he can do it. They’re both learning and they can help each other out, perhaps.”

Yifan sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Well, I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“I hope so too, Yifan. Now, why did you come here? Your session with Tao is still not finished, is it?”

“No, but Tao was so tired today that he fell asleep, so I came here to ask you something, but I have forgotten what I wanted to ask now,” Yifan stated as he scratched his head thoughtfully.

Joonmyeon chuckled. “Well, come back when you remember it, then.”

“Fine. Well, I’m also going.” Yifan said and turned around.

Just as Yifan’s hand closed around the doorknob, he turned around to face Joonmyeon who was standing behind his desk ready to return his attention to papers and files that needed to be filled and filed.

“Hey, Joonmyeon, can I ask you something?”

The Head looked up at the blond doctor. “Sure. What is it?”

“I know that there are a lot of doctors who have years of experience here at the institute and also in Korea whom you could have called to handle Jongin, but why did you pick Kyungsoo for this?”

Joonmyeon seemed to think about the answer for a few moments before he exhaled loudly.

“You cannot tell Kyungsoo about this, Yifan.”

Yifan’s brow quirked at that but he nodded nevertheless.

“To tell you the truth, when I saw his file, I didn’t want to assign him to Jongin. He is really good at what he does, but he needs to learn so much more and what he knows now isn’t enough.”

“Then why did you pick him?” Yifan asked, confused. “If you knew he wasn’t ready, why did you still pick him?”

Joonmyeon sighed again. “That’s because _I_ didn’t pick him.”

The blond doctor’s face contorted to one of pure confusion as he furrowed his brows together.

“Don’t tell Kyungsoo this,” he said again and Yifan nodded, still confused. “I didn’t pick him; Kim Jongin did.”

Yifan looked at the short male with surprise. “What?”

“It was during one of his sessions where he had knocked out his psychiatrist that he came to my office,” Joonmyeon explained. “He came here and personally demanded that I assign to him the short, male doctor with big eyes, and if I didn’t do what he said, he said he was going to start hurting every other psychiatrist assigned to him.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> What are your thoughts about this? :D
> 
> Any ideas on what Sehun is gonna be doing here? ;)
> 
> Don’t forget to vote, comment and yada yada yada…. I love reading every single comment :D
> 
> I hope you like this chappie! >_<
> 
> Love ya’ll! <3
> 
> -DW


	10. You Can't Stop A Person From Doing What They Want; They'll Lie To You To Continue Doing It

** Friday, 30th September 2016 **

Kyungsoo and Sehun were walking side by side to Jongin’s room in silence. It wasn’t exactly an uncomfortable silence, but Kyungsoo’s fingers were playing with each other in a clumsy manner anyway.

As they walked in silence, they came to where the single corridor split into two different paths.

“Well, I have to go down this way,” Kyungsoo said and pointed to the right direction. “You go straight down this and you can exit the building. Even if you do get lost here, I’m pretty sure you can find someone to ask directions from.”

“The building structure is quite complicated, isn’t it?” Sehun mumbled looking down one corridor and then the other.

Kyungsoo smiled at that. “A bit, but you’ll get used to it eventually, don’t worry.”

“Well, I sure hope so,” the taller male said as he looked at the doctor. “How long until your session with Jongin is up, doctor Do?”

Kyungsoo looked at the watch clasped around his wrist. “Approximately ten more minutes. I’m just going to pop in and see what’s up before I leave, but he’s probably sleeping, anyway. He always is except on Mondays.”

The other seemed to slightly smile at that. “Mondays, huh? Any idea why?”

“Well, no, not really. Maybe he wants me to like Mondays? Everyone hates Mondays,” Kyungsoo joked.

“Hmm, maybe. Maybe he likes Mondays.”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo agreed and trailed off. “Well, I’ll get going now. It was a pleasure to meet you, Oh Sehun.”

“If you don’t mind, I can wait for you, till you check on your patient and all. I don’t really mind, and I can also see the surroundings and things a bit too.” Sehun suggested.

“Oh, well, I don’t mind, but you’ll have to wait outside. Is that alright with you?”

“It’s okay.”

Kyungsoo nodded before he turned on his heel and walked down the second corridor with Sehun right behind him, observing the huge metal doors bearing numbers and names of different patients behind the closed doors.

Sehun’s gaze riveted to the doctor’s back when the short male abruptly stopped. He was about to question the doctor when his gaze fell upon a person standing directly in front of them.

The male towered above Kyungsoo and a little above Sehun. His feline-like eyes were fixed on the two with a hard gaze, as if the two were some specimen under observation. The male’s gaze was trained on the short doctor before his gaze lifted to stare at Sehun.

Sehun definitely wasn’t one to usually be disturbed by anyone, but the way this male was staring at him with his cat-like eyes made him feel exposed, open… vulnerable.

“Hello, may I help you?” Kyungsoo asked politely and the male’s gaze immediately went back to the doe-eyed male staring at him in curiosity.

“Who are you?” the male asked, his voice flat and monotonous.

“E – excuse me?” Kyungsoo stammered in surprise.

“Who are you?” the male repeated, this time more hostile than previous.

“I’m a doctor here, and you are?”

The male ignored the question directed at him and looked directly at Sehun.

“Who are you?”

“Oh Sehun,” Sehun replied automatically, keeping a neutral expression and an equally neutral tone.

The gaze upon him narrowed as he also continued to stare at the other without breaking eye contact.

“Umm, could you please-”

“Hey Kyungsoo, what’re you still doing here?” came another voice which made Sehun look towards the voice and Kyungsoo sigh in relief.

“I thought – OH MY GOD! TAO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!” Yifan suddenly screeched and Kyungsoo’s wide eyes became even bigger as he took a few steps back away from the stranger and bumped onto Sehun’s chest.

“Sorry,” he sheepishly apologized, all the while keeping an eye on the male standing in front of him.

The stranger merely threw a glance at Yifan who was rushing towards him before looking back at Sehun.

“You’re not allowed to come out of your room without any doctor! What are you doing here?” Yifan questioned as he grabbed Tao by the elbow.

“Stranger danger.” Came the reply.

Yifan looked baffled at the answer and then looked at Kyungsoo who was frightened and basically standing up again Sehun who was staring at Tao.

“They’re not strangers, Tao. This is one of my friends, doctor Do, and he works here.” Yifan sighed and introduced Kyungsoo who didn’t move one bit.

“And him?” Tao asked, still staring at Sehun.

“He’s… with Kyungsoo-” Yifan started to say before Sehun interrupted him.

“I’m also working here.”

Yifan gave a questioning look at Sehun which wasn’t noticed by Tao as the said male was observing Sehun from head to toe carefully.

Finally, after having brought his gaze back up to Sehun’s face, he spoke again. “You don’t belong here, stranger, so get the hell out.”

Yifan looked at Tao in surprise; sure Tao has had a history with violence and openly saying what he wants to, but he was usually not harsh to people he had never met, at least not for a long time since Yifan had worked with him.

Sehun looked baffled at the hostility too, his brows quirked together for a split second before his poker face was back. Kyungsoo was beyond confused and staring back and forth between Sehun and Tao, having long forgotten that he was standing less than a few feet away from a dangerous patient he had no clue about.

“Tao, that’s not very nice,” Yifan said as he stepped in front of Tao and frowned at him.

Tao looked at Yifan before sighing and looking down at the ground. “Sorry,” he mumbled softly.

Yifan’s face softened at that. “It’s okay, but apologize to Sehun.”

Tao looked over Yifan’s shoulder and stared at the poker-faced male before mumbling out a barely audible apology. Sehun remained motionless but Yifan’s lips break into a wide grin.

“That’s my Tao,” he says and ruffles his patient’s hair, making the other crack a small smile.

“And now, why are you out of your room?” Yifan questions and Tao looks down at the floor again.

Kyungsoo is really beginning to question the male in front of him; whether he is actually capable of burning a house down _and_ using martial arts on people or whether had had accidentally been put at the institute. One minute he’s vicious but the next he looks like a little kid guilty of having been caught stealing chocolate.

“I woke up and saw that you weren’t there, so I came to find you,”

“Tao,” Yifan sighed. “You were really tired and you fell asleep and didn’t at all look like you were going to wake up so I thought I’d leave and not disturb you. I also had to talk with the Head.”

“But our session wasn’t done and you’re supposed to leave only after the session is done,” The male argued back.

“I know, but-”

“No. No buts. You stay till the session is done and leave only after the time is up.” Tao stated, crossing his arms across his chest and glaring at the blond doctor who gulped nervously.

“I… okay. Fine. I won’t leave like that again,” the doctor gave in and Kyungsoo swore he had never seen anyone smile as brightly as Yifan’s patient did when Yifan agreed.

“Good. I felt lonely.”

“Sorry, Taozi, but never again, okay?” Yifan smiled and the other nodded, still smiling brightly.

The boy then looked at Kyungsoo who was staring at the two with a smile on his face.

“So you work here too, huh?” Tao asked Kyungsoo and the doctor snapped out from his daze. Yifan turned around to face Kyungsoo and smiled at him as if saying ‘ _it’s okay, he won’t hurt you’_.

“Y – yeah, I do.”

“Are you a friend of Fanfan?”

“Uh, who?”

“Fanfan,” Tao repeated and pointed to a red-faced Yifan. Kyungsoo bit back a laugh and nodded.

Tao extended his hand to the doctor and Kyungsoo looked cautiously at Yifan who simply nodded. He shook Tao’s hand, expecting to be thrown across the corridor soon.

“Huang Zitao. I’m in here since I tried to burn down my house thrice which was lurking with evil.”

Kyungsoo blinked at the male, trying to hide his surprise as to how casually the male had said his reasons. “That’s… interesting. I’m Do Kyungsoo and I’m in here… to help a patient.”

“I see.”

“This is Oh Sehun,” Kyungsoo said and introduced the male standing behind him, hoping to lessen the tension that seemed to be crackling between the two. “He’s here as a volunteer to gain experience and to also work a bit.”

Tao frowned and Kyungsoo thought he heard a ‘ _no, he’s not’_ , but he might have been wrong.

Sehun simply nodded in response with his hands stuffed deep in his pockets while the other looked him up and down again.

“Sunset,” Tao said after a few moments of silent staring.

“What?” Sehun asked.

Tao stepped around Kyungsoo and circled Sehun who suddenly grew tense.

“Beautiful sunset,” Tao said as he came face-to-face with the stiff male. His eyes seemed to mock Sehun, and again, Sehun couldn’t help but feel vulnerable under the stare of the patient.

“What?” he asked confused.

“Sunsets are beautiful, aren’t they, Oh Sehun? They are really fascinating to watch but then they leave the entire world in darkness afterward,” Tao smirked, all the while staring at the Sehun’s face as if waiting for something to show. “But even the setting sun has to eventually rise again and shine light onto the world again, right? It can’t keep the world in the darkness for a long amount of time, because it’s only natural that it shows itself.”

Sehun continued to stare at the male while Kyungsoo and Yifan gave each other a questioning look.

“What’s he talking about?” Kyungsoo whispered so that only Yifan could hear.

“About sunsets and sunrises?”

“I figured that much out, but what does he mean?”

“I don’t know, I never understood him much when he spoke in riddles anyway,” Yifan whispered back sheepishly and Kyungsoo rolled his eyes.

Tao giggled suddenly and turned to the two doctors with a smile on his lips. “I heard you, Yifan, and it’s not that I don’t make sense, it’s just that you don’t see it, but give it a while and you’ll understand.”

Yifan smiled warmly, “Of course, I always do, but Tao, we need to go now. If someone catches us here, they might remove me and you might get a new doctor thinking that I cannot even control you and I do a bad job handling you.”

Tao’s face turned into one of pure horror. “No! They can’t do that! I won’t let them! Come on, Fanfan! Let’s go!” the patient said before grabbing Yifan’s hand and running down the corridor as pulled along a red-faced doctor.

Kyungsoo smiled after their retreating figures. He looked at Sehun who was also looking at the two with a scowl on his face.

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean anything by it. Come on, I have about five minutes left and I need to see Jongin.” Kyungsoo said as he started walking and soon enough, Sehun followed suit.

He stopped in front of the door and looked at Sehun. “Wait here, I’ll just check on him quickly and be out.”

The taller male merely nodded and Kyungsoo disappeared into the room.

Sehun walked closer to the door and placed his ear against the door, straining to hear anything from behind the door.

_“Where the hell have you been?”_

Sehun smirked, his hands balling up into tight fists by his side as they shook uncontrollably.

_So then, it really is you, Kim Jongin._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kyungsoo was shocked. Surprised. Baffled.

He was _not_ expecting to see Kim Jongin seated on the table and be looking at the door as if waiting for someone to walk through it.

“Where the hell have you been?” He hissed the moment Kyungsoo closed the door and turned around to face him. The short doctor jumped in fright and looked at the tanned male wide-eyed.

“W – what?” Kyungsoo managed to croak out.

“I asked where the hell you’ve been all this time,” Jongin repeated as he jumped down from the table and advanced towards the doctor who was up against the door.

“I… I had to go talk with the head. It was urgent.”

“So urgent that you couldn’t spare an hour with me? Just an hour?” Jongin demanded, his voice low and dangerous.

“I’m sorry. Next time I’ll go after the session then,” Kyungsoo gulped.

Jongin stared at him for a long time before relaxing. “Good.”

Kyungsoo stood in silence as Jongin continued to stare at him.

“Why didn’t you come today?” Jongin finally asked, the tone less hostile.

“I told you, I had a small talk with the Head.”

“What did you talk about which was more important to attend to than my session?”

Kyungsoo was about to explain about the volunteer student and all but stopped himself from doing so. The wheels in his head started to work and a small plan came invaded his head.

Kim Joonmyeon, the Head of the institute, was the only one who possessed the authority to assign a doctor to any of the patients in the institute as well as remove them.

“About our sessions,” Kyungsoo smoothly lied.

Jongin’s gaze narrowed on him. “What about our sessions?”

“He wanted to know the progress.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“And what did you tell him?”

“The truth.”

Jongin’s jaw clenched as a sense of dread filled him. “And what’s the truth?”

“That there isn’t really any progress. I ask questions, I try to help you, but you ignore me and talk whatever you want with me. You don’t let me in and don’t even give me a chance. You talk only on Mondays and sleep during the rest of the days or completely ignore me. I told him the truth, Jongin.”

Jongin remained silent for a minute; as if trying to decide what to say next, because although he hated to admit it, the doctor did have a point. “And what did he say?”

“Nothing. I just said that I’m not making much progress and he said he’ll see what he can do about it.”

The tanned male remained silent for a few more moments before he spoke again, his voice cracking and worry laced with his words. “What will he do?”

Kyungsoo shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe assign a new doctor to you?”

The short doctor stared in amazement as Jongin’s face contorted into one of pure anger, his eyes burning with rage and his mouth curling into a snarl. He suddenly yelped in alarm when Jongin took a couple of strides towards him and banged his fists on either side of the Kyungsoo’s face.

He could hear his patient’s labored breathing and feel the hot breath on his face as watched Jongin try to control his emotions.

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo asked and touched him.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” Jongin yelled suddenly and pulled back, making the shorter flinch at the sudden increase in volume. “Don’t you fucking touch me! So what? That’s what you’re going to do? Give up? All because you can’t break me? Because I don’t wanna talk? Huh?!”

Kyungsoo stared in disbelief at his patient and winced once again when a fist connected solidly with the door again.

“Fucking pathetic. And here I thought you were different from the others,” Jongin hissed.

Kyungsoo snapped, his anger building up within him and his petit frame starting to shake. “Well, look around, Jongin! Look at where we are! You know how this goes! You know how this entire process works but you don’t cooperate at all! It’s been one entire month and still nothing! You think Joonmyeon is going to keep me assigned to you even after all this time? Even when there’s no improvement? No nothing? We don’t have forever, Jongin! We are expected to work within a limited amount of time and if nothing happens they remove us! Open your fucking eyes and look! I am still where I started a month ago and I can’t waste any more time waiting for you!”

Kyungsoo was breathing heavily by the time he was done and Jongin was staring at the panting doctor in silence. Slowly, he made his way towards the doctor. Kyungsoo managed to take a few steps back before his back was against the door again. He shivered and goose bumps broke across his skin when Jongin placed both his hands on either side of his body and trapped him as he dipped his head low enough for the doctor to feel his hot breath against his neck.

“What do I do to keep you, then?” Jongin breathed softly. "What do I do to stop you from leaving?"

Kyungsoo’s breath hitched in his throat at the sudden closeness and at what his patient had just said.

_He’s willing to change._

“You can’t blame me for leaving you because you haven’t given me a reason to stay,” Kyungsoo whispered against the shell of the tanned male’s ear. “So give me a reason, Jongin; give me a reason to stay.”

Jongin remained silent and all Kyungsoo could hear was the pounding of his own blood in his ears and hear Jongin’s and his own erratic breathing.

A bell rang outside the room, startling the doctor while the other remained motionless. They stayed that way for a few more moments before Jongin pulled away, his gaze fixed on the ground. Kyungsoo waited for the male to say something, but after a while, when he realized that his patient wasn’t going to say anything, he sighed heavily in defeat.

“I’m going now. I’ll see you on Monday, Jongin.”

Jongin looked up at the doctor, an unreadable expression etched on his features. “Will you? Will you really see me on Monday?”

Kyungsoo bit his lip. He had started this with a small lie, it was his fault, but there was something different about Jongin from before so he decided to play along, even though it hurt like hell to lie. “We’ll see,” he replied and turned around.

A hand gently brushed his cheek before it clamped on the door, preventing him from going out. Kyungsoo was about to turn around when he felt Jongin’s breath against his neck again and his patient’s chest against his back, instantly stiffening when he felt his patient place his head on the back of his own.

“Don’t… turn…” came a hoarse voice and the doctor obliged.

A few more moments before, “One more chance.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened in surprise and guilt tore at him from the inside. _It's working, Jongin believed the lie._

“You want a reason, then I’ll give you one, but I need one more chance.”

“Okay,” was all Kyungsoo was able to whisper before he felt the other lean against him some more.

“You’re not leaving me.” Kyungsoo shivered at the words that tumbled out of Jongin's mouth. “I won’t let you.”

The hand on the door retreated and as did the patient. Kyungsoo didn’t dare look back, he was afraid that he’d break down and Jongin would figure out that he had lied. He couldn’t let this slip away. Instead, he opened the door, stepped out and stood with his back facing his patient. He could feel Jongin’s eyes burning into his back and it took everything in him to not look at the male behind him.

“I’ll see you on Monday, Jongin,” he said softly before closing the door behind him. Leaning against the closed door, he inhaled and exhaled a multiple number of times before looking up to find Sehun looking at him curiously.

“Everything alright?” The taller asked once the two had started walking down the hallway.

“Y – yeah,” Kyungsoo replied shakily as he rubbed his neck.

“Did something bad happen inside there?”

Kyungsoo glanced at the younger and smiled warily. “I lied. I lied to him that Joonmyeon would assign a new doctor since there’s no progress between us.”

Sehun cocked a brow at that. “And?”

“And I told him that if he wants to make me stay, he needs to give me a reason. He asked me to give him one more chance.” Kyungsoo said, guilt washing over him for having lied.

Sehun smiled before placing a hand on the shorter male’s shoulder. “It’s okay that you lied,” he said reassuringly. “It’s only natural, you know? You want to break him but his walls are basically unbreakable right now. It’s alright.”

Kyungsoo looked up at the student.

“Because you see, you really want to break him, so you lied. When someone wants to do something or accomplish something desperately, you can’t stop that them from doing so. They will start lying to you to continue doing it and to make sure they get what they want in the end.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> Oh la la!
> 
> Another chappie :D  
> This will be the last chapter I will upload for today since I just uploaded ten chapters at a stretch. I will upload the rest another time, so don't worry :D
> 
> Watcha think of it? 
> 
> And ASDFGHJKL!!! TAORIS IS HERE!!! Well, the interaction wasn’t much, really, but still… and yes, I tried to add a bit more of Kaisoo moments too. It sucked *rolls eyes so hard they pop out of my sockets*
> 
> Hope you liked it anyway… and if it was too rushed… tell me… I’ll try to… umm.. slow it down. Edit this chapter a bit…?
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading!
> 
> Vote and comment... I smile like the lunatic I am when you guys share your opinions! ^~^
> 
> Love ya’ll!! <3
> 
> -DW


	11. When Crimson Spills

_Red._

All around him.

All he saw was red around him; and it was on him too, the viscous fluid dripping like syrup and leaving tiny trails of more red.

_Pain._

Everywhere.

All he felt was pain. His heart was hammering against his chest wild and uncontrolled as he writhed in fear against the wall at the sight of fresh crimson stain the floor. His jaw was sore and throbbing with pain, and he was sure that his jaw was probably dislocated; if it hadn’t been for the fact that he had opened his mouth in horror and released a bloodcurdling scream before immediately choking up as a pair of murderous brown eyes narrowed on him.

He brought his legs up to his chest and buried his face in the tiny space between them, shaking violently and waiting for the blow to come.

There were heavy footsteps drawing closer to him and labored breathing, and then came the blow, strong enough to knock him sideways.

His arms immediately flew to his face as his body lay sprawled across the floor, his eyes closing tightly when his mouth let out a treacherous whimper of fear.

“No… no. Please, stop…” He cried.

Fingers curled around his hair before roughly pulling him up and slamming the back of his head against the wall, his eyes forced to look up at the ceiling.

“What was that?” the voice asked gruffly.

“Just, please… stop… please… why are you doing this?”

There was a deafening silence as soon as the words were out. The eerie silence seemed to stretch on forever and fear started to engulf him again. He could feel it in the air; the sudden stillness of the atmosphere and a suffocating tension building up in the room as he squirmed under the glare from a pair of brown eyes that were solely focused on him.

Then, the fingers gripping his hair loosened as he tensed, waiting to be hit again.

Suddenly, a laughter that sounded so bitter and full of pain, cut through the silence, starting out from a low chuckle before increasing in volume and soon becoming a painful, full-blown laughter booming through the walls and chilling him to the bone.

He felt a heavy presence land right next to him and he tensed.

“Why?” the voice asked. “Why, you ask?”

Another silence.

“It’s because of what I am; of what I have become.”

He was silenced by the fear of saying something wrong, of being harmed again. So, he watched the red continue to flow and spread out.

“I fed the wrong wolf, didn’t I?” the voice asked again. “I listened to the wrong person and fucked it all up. Monsters are very much real in this world we live in and their existence plays a crucial part in our lives. Do you know why?” the voice said, this time a bit louder and then a humorless chuckle followed. “Because they are within us, and sometimes they win when you have no other way to escape except to accept them.”

He looked from the corner of his eye and looked away immediately when he realized that the brown, dead looking eyes were trained on him and observing him closely.

“Which wolf do you plan on feeding?”

He kept quiet; silenced by fear.

The presence leaned in closer to him. “Tell me,” the voice whispered rough and low, “which wolf are you going to feed and let loose?”

He shivered and brought his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them.

“There are two wolves inside you, you know that? The good one and the bad one. One hates and the other loves. One is the darkness and the other is the light. One causes despair and the other gives hope. They always fight within us, but who do you think will eventually win?”

Silence.

“The one you feed will always win.”

Silence.

“And unfortunately for _you_ , it looks like _I_ have fed the wrong one, haven’t I?”

Tears stung his eyes as his hands clenched into fists.

“Which one will you feed? The good one? Or the bad one?” the voice seemed to taunt him.

The presence beside him chuckled again. “Of course you won’t stray away from your path.”

A hand shot out and grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled at it, making him yelp in pain. “You’re too weak for your own good, aren’t you? You’re so fucking weak and you aren’t capable of doing anything by yourself.”

The tears started to fall over the cliff of his eyes as his frame shook violently.

“Fucking pathetic,” the voice hissed in rage. “Can’t react and can’t fight back. Always thinking that there is some light in the darkness.”

The grip tightened and a strangled sob broke from his lips as more tears flowed down his face.

“Come on! Is what I have done not enough for you? Are you not going to stop me?” The voice yelled loudly and yanked at the hair as he roughly got up.

He cried loudly and scratched at the sturdy hand on his head as he was dragged forcefully towards the small pool of red.

“Come on! Are you always going to remain the weakling you are then?” the voice roared as he was pushed against the floor, landing right next to the pool of crimson and instantly curling up.

The presence leaned in on him again, hot breath fanning against his face. “Stop me now.”

“Save me,” came an almost inaudible whisper.

A few seconds passed in utter silence before a foot buried itself in his stomach, making him cry out in pain as fresh tears started to cascade down his face as pain traveled like thunderclaps all over his being.

“No… stop…”

Immediately, he opened his eyes and stared at the brown pair of eyes which seemed to fill with rage and hatred with each passing moment.

He cried out again as fresh blood sprayed on the floor once again.

_One day, sooner or later, I will stop you, and your crimson will be spilled._

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> Well... I don’t have much to say about this chapter… or, wait, I do… it plays an important role in this story… meh… figure it out! :P
> 
> The chappie was inspired by the Chinese proverb 'There is a battle between two wolves inside of us all. One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, lies, inferiority, and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and truth. The wolf that wins? The one you feed.'
> 
> And I had a random quote sharing moment with TreacherousBanana (who is also on AFF) and she said the quote ‘Monsters are real, ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes they win.’ Thanks a bunch, love! It was the idea u gave to me that was added in this! ^-^
> 
> Well… this chapter was a spur of the moment thingy… and it does play a sort of important role in the story… coz there is something in there… which you kinda got to figure out :p
> 
> And… well... hope you liked it anyway :)
> 
> Love ya’ll!
> 
> -DW


	12. Memories Are Sometimes The Key To Figuring Out The Future

 

** Monday, 3rd October 2016 **

 

Kyungsoo shuffled on his feet and stared at the array of colors before him, his eyes slowly raking over them as he carefully observed every single one of them. Scratching the back of his head, he slowly reached out and his fingertips grazed over the orange color. Grabbing it in his hand, he turned around and started to walk over to a man dressed in white reading a magazine with a bored expression permanently plastered on his features.

Stopping midway, his mind was going through the stack of colors behind him again and he groaned internally. Making up his mind, he turned back around, walked back to the stand and grabbed one of each of the colors present before walking back to the cashier who eyed him curiously when he dumped everything in his hands in front of the man.

“Your kid is gonna get diabetes at this rate,” the man said as he eyed the lollipops on the counter.

“It’s not for my kid,” Kyungsoo mumbled.

“For you?”

“For my patient.”

The man tore his gaze away from the lollipops and stared at the doe-eyed male. “So you’re a doctor?” the man asked and Kyungsoo nodded. “I thought doctors are supposed to save patients and not give them diabetes and kill them?”

“Can you please just get on with it?” Kyungsoo muttered, irritated. “I have to get to my patient.”

The man just gave him one long look before rolling his eyes and scanning the lollipops. Kyungsoo paid, mumbled out a polite ‘thank you’ and decided to walk to the hospital since it was only five minutes away, wondering whether Jongin would open up to him today or not after their discussion the previous week.

_Jongin, what are you going to talk about with me today?_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Morning Kyungsoo!” Yifan greeted the short doctor and Kyungsoo looked up at the giant who walked to him with Tao right beside him. “You’re a bit late today, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I was at a convenience store near the hospital and I decided to walk to the hospital and I was so lost in my thoughts that I missed the road,” Kyungsoo said sheepishly and then looked at Tao who was looking at him with a smile on his face. “You’re… allowed outside your room?”

“As long as Fanfan is with me, yes,” Tao smiled.

Kyungsoo had to bite his lip to prevent himself from laughing out loud at the nickname. Although having heard it before, it still managed to make him smile. “Are you allowed outside the hospital? Or to only wander inside here?”

“They place a tracker on me if I am to go outside, and even then I need to go with him,” Tao replied as he gave a pointed look at Yifan.

“I see,” Kyungsoo said and looked at Yifan. “Is any patient allowed to go outside? Like, any patient in this hospital?”

“You need to get permission from Joonmyeon and even he also needs to talk to some other people and get permission from them before that is possible. If they are patients with minor criminal activities, usually getting permission from Joonmyeon is enough, but at times he needs to talk to the higher-ups.” Yifan replied.

“I see.”

“If it’s someone like Jongin, he will need to ask the higher ups, and even then he needs to show enough proof that the patient is cooperating with the assigned Psychiatrist and the Psychiatrist will be solely responsible for the patient outside the hospital. Although measures are taken in order to reduce the risk of… unwanted incidents occurring,” Yifan continued to explain, having read Kyungsoo’s mind perfectly well.

Kyungsoo only nodded and stayed silent for a few moments. “So you’re going out to the city today Zitao?”

“Just Tao is enough, doctor, and no, Fanfan and I are visiting the dogs here in the hospital. I love them so much! Aren’t they the most adorable things you have ever seen?” Tao gushed as he smiled widely.

Kyungsoo raised a brow and looked at Yifan. “He… he isn’t talking about the guard dogs which are capable of tearing apart a human, is he?”

Yifan nodded and said, “Don’t even question him. He is loved by the most unbelievable things on this planet.”

_And one of them happens to be you,_ Kyungsoo thought smugly.

“Yifan, they are adorable,” Tao said and crossed his hands over his chest as if annoyed.

“Yes, yes, they really are,” Yifan mumbled and rolled his eyes.

“Ignore him, he’s just jealous that the dogs love me and not him,” Tao said, waving a hand dismissively and Yifan rolled his eyes yet again.

“Yeah, well, I need to get to my patient or else he might tear me apart,” Kyungsoo said as he looked at the time.

“Okay, see you around, doctor Do,” Tao said and waved at the doctor.

“Catch you later, Kyungsoo,” Yifan said and started to walk with Tao trailing behind him.

Kyungsoo quickly walked down the corridor and knocked at Jongin’s door once before opening door. As soon as he opened the door, a hand grabbed his wrist and he yelped in pain.

“It’s you.”

“Jongin, my hand-” Kyungsoo started to say and the hand clasped around his wrist loosened immediately.

The short doctor rubbed at his wrist as he looked at his patient who was looking at him with what seemed to be an expression of relief.

“You’re late, but you came,” Jongin said almost silently.

“Y-yeah, I did.”

The tanned male’s lips quirked up slightly before he turned around fast and walked over to the table and sat down on it. “So the Head decided not to assign a new Psychiatrist to me?”

“Well, it seems so, but it’s only for now. He won’t do anything if he sees some improvement.” Kyungsoo replied.

“Okay,” Jongin said thoughtfully.

Kyungsoo cleared his throat and walked over to the seated male as he put his hand into his coat pocket. “I brought you something.”

Jongin stared at him curiously and his gaze traveled down the where the doctor’s hand had disappeared into the pocket before looking back up at Kyungsoo. Taking out a bag, he dumped the bag of lollipops on the male’s lap.

“Lollipops,” Kyungsoo stated. “Just like you asked. I brought every flavor that was there in the store.”

Jongin stared at the doe-eyed male with amusement shining in his eyes before his gaze lowered to the bag on his lap. His hands undid the knot and he looked inside curiously before looking at the doctor once again.

“There’s a lot in this bag.”

“I know. Pick what you want.”

Jongin chuckled. “I don’t think you understand this, doctor. What I meant was that you are to offer me a _single_ lollipop per session, not an entire bag, and it should be _exactly_ what I want.”

“Is it not in that bag?” Kyungsoo asked, his brow twitching in annoyance.

“I don’t know, so you have to find out. You pick one of these lollipops and give it to me, and I will tell you if it is the correct one or not afterward.” Jongin replied casually as he held the bag of lollipops in front of the doctor’s face.

Kyungsoo took the bag and looked at the different flavors of lollipops inside the bag. “But there’s so many of them and it’s not fair if I am supposed to give you one per session!”

Jongin only smiled and waited, eyeing the bag and then staring at the male in front of him. Kyungsoo huffed out in annoyance and looked through the flavors.

_Orange. I’ll give him orange since I love the orange flavor._

Kyungsoo just grabbed the lollipop with the orange wrapper and handed it to Jongin who took it without a word, unwrapped it and put it in his mouth.

After a few moments of nothing but Jongin tasting the lollipop, Kyungsoo sighed heavily. “Well, is it that flav-”

The shorter didn’t get the chance to complete the sentence before Jongin quickly pulled out the lollipop and put it in Kyungsoo’s mouth, effectively silencing the doctor whose eyes widened in surprise.

“Nope. Not even close.” Jongin replied, running his tongue over his teeth.

Kyungsoo immediately took the lollipop out of his mouth once his mind started to work again. “What the hell, Jongin?!” He hissed as he dropped the lollipop and glared at Jongin who gave him a questioning look.

“You don’t just stuff a lollipop that has been in your mouth in mine!”

Jongin just casually rolled his eyes. “Why? You don’t like lollipops?”

“Actually, yes,”

Jongin stared at the shorter. “Funny, that’s not what I remember,” he mumbled too quietly for the doctor to hear.

“Excuse me?”

The tan male shook his head before grabbing the doctor’s wrists and pulling him closer.

“Tell me, doctor, what are memories to you?”

Kyungsoo stared at Jongin before sighing. “Memories? Well, sometimes they are my source of happiness and at times they are my source of pain. They take me back to a time when everything was alright or when they were falling apart.”

“Doctor, why do you think people create memories?”

“It… it’s hard to describe. They create memories because they want to hold onto something that is precious? Like, happy memories? Or maybe because they learned something? I… I don’t know for sure, Jongin. I think that sometimes people have memories because, well, everything changes and change is inevitable be it bad or good, so sometimes they hold onto memories because although everything else may change, memories won’t ever change. They are treasures that remind them of something significant that occurred in their life.”

Jongin remained silent and looked at the doctor, his eyes scanning the shorter male’s face. “Then why is it that some people forget memories at times?”

Kyungsoo pondered for a while before answering. “I believe it depends on how much of an impact it has left on that person. Sometimes it may never actually fade, maybe little bits and pieces, but not the entire thing, but at other times, they might forget it with time eventually. Or else sometimes if someone has encountered a situation with a high level of stress, or has gone through a traumatic experience, they can be unconsciously blocked; these are called 'repressed memories'. In such cases, even if the person does not remember the memory, it might still affect them subconsciously, and it's possible that they might recover them later on.”

“What is it that makes people forget some memories and never forget others?”

“Like I said before, it depends on the impact it has left on the person or the situation they might have been in. If it is of importance, they may never forget it, but if it is a small matter, they might eventually forget it. Or else a person may not remember if they are repressed memories.”

“Doctor, is it possible that even if two people share a memorable moment together, they might still forget it?”

“Jongin, I don’t understand what this has to do with anything,” Kyungsoo sighed heavily.

“Answer the question.” Came the curt reply.

“I… maybe? I don’t know. It still depends on how much it affected them, and whether it's a positive or negative moment.”

“So, say that these two shared a happy moment, it’s possible for one to remember and another forget it?”

“If it’s not of much importance to one, yes.”

“But people say that although you are able to put an old memory out of your mind, you can never make the heart forget. What do you think of that?”

“Jongin, there are so many things occurring in a person’s life. One cannot simply remember everything that has happened in his or her life till their present moment. We are humans and we forget. We live our life, make new memories and old ones fade away. Some never fade because it has either affected us in a positive or a negative way.”

“But the heart,” Jongin said and tapped the area above the doctor’s heart lightly. “The heart can never forget. Sometimes all it takes is something small to trigger a memory that was supposed to have been forgotten, don’t you think? Even if it wasn't of much importance to one person?”

“It’s… possible, I guess.”

Jongin stared longingly at the doctor before releasing his grip around of the wrists and bringing the doctor to sit beside him. Kyungsoo obeyed silently and sat next to him, placing the bag of lollipops next to him.

“It’s funny, isn’t it? How sometimes some people can never forget something whereas others can even if they shared the same moment?”

Kyungsoo tilted his head to look at Jongin who was looking at the wall in front of him absentmindedly.

“It’s funny, how that moment can mean everything to one person and absolutely nothing to the other.”

Jongin turned to look at the doctor with an unreadable expression on his face. “It’s funny,” he continued, “how someone can find another to be just a chapter in their life whereas that other person can find that someone to be an entire book, isn’t it?”

The tan male chuckled before turning to face forward again.

“So what are you stating, Jongin? That I have to remember something? A memory? For what?”

Jongin smiled. “Sometimes, they are the key that people are looking for, and they just need to remember. They just need a little trigger to remember and the future - the result -  can be figured out."

“Then what are you trying to make me remember, Jongin? Or are you trying to make me help you remember something?”

Jongin looked at the doctor with a crooked grin. “I don’t know, doc. What do you think I am trying to do?”

Kyungsoo held his gaze as he searched for an answer on the other’s face. “I’ll find out sooner or later. You’ll see, I’ll figure you out sooner or later, with or without any memories or remembering anything”

Jongin chuckled. “You know, the more you try to figure me out, the more you will figure out that I can’t be figured out,” he replied playfully with a wicked grin.

“You’re not helping me, Jongin. You do remember what we talked about last time, don’t you? You might get a new doctor.”

“I’m just saying, doc, I’m a hard person to understand, that’s all. I feel like I am actually there to understand others and not to be understood by others.”

“You always need someone to understand you, Jongin, at one point, you eventually do. You can’t be dependent only on yourself. You’re going to want to have someone to know the real you, to understand you and to be with you.”

“You do know I’m not exactly the type to share what I feel since I am said to not feel anything.”

“I know you feel; you told me yourself today.”

Jongin raised a brow and tilted his head to the left as his eyes burned into the doctor’s brown pair.

“Memories. You have memories of the past.” Kyungsoo answered. “Feelings can’t die, Jongin, not as long as you keep feeding them with memories. A moment, which became a memory, made you feel something at some point, and that memory can make you feel even after time has passed. It doesn’t matter how much time has gone by, because we make them to relive and feel that moment again.”

Jongin smiled before looking down at the floor.

“So, is this how you’re going to cooperate with me, though? By continuing to talk in riddles?” Kyungsoo asked.

His patient grinned widely. “I’ve already helped you enough for today,” Jongin stated firmly.

The bell rang outside and Kyungsoo sighed. “Well, it’s… something, I guess.”

Jongin raised his arm and placed his index finger on the other’s forehead. “It’s everything.”

Kyungsoo remained silent until Jongin withdrew his arm and got off the table, making his way to the door. He grabbed the rest of the lollipops and stared at the orange lollipop lying on the floor before picking that up as well and walking to the door.

“Say,” Jongin said and Kyungsoo stopped half-way out the door as he turned to look at his patient. “Do you think reviving a memory can hurt someone?”

“Why do you ask?” Kyungsoo asked curiously.

“Just,” came a nonchalant reply.

“Well, if it is an unpleasant one, yes, it can. Like I said before about repressed memories, they could be hiding trauma from awareness, so if someone remembers such memories, it definitely wouldn't be pleasant for him or her.”

“What if you’re making someone remember something when you’re starting to forget it?”

“Then it’s better to not make that person remember at all, isn’t it? If it’s only going to hurt that person in the end?”

“But what if that one is making another remember because he doesn’t want to be forgotten afterward?”

“After what, Jongin?”

“The final outcome.”

Kyungsoo became still. “What kind of final outcome are we talking about?”

“Where one has finally remembered and the other has finally forgotten.”

“I don’t know,” The shorter replied as he bit his bottom lip. “It still depends on how much that person has been affected.”

Jongin smiled once as he nodded at the doctor. “Okay. Anyway, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, doc.”

Kyungsoo gave Jongin a questioning stare before slowly nodding at him. “Sure, see you tomorrow, Jongin.”

The door shut behind Kyungsoo and he made his way down the corridor, his mind an unsolved puzzle.

_Jongin, what are you trying to remember?_

_Or better yet, are you trying to make me remember something?_

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> So, hope you guys liked this.
> 
> What do you think Nini was tryna tell Soo? Well… I’ll leave it up to you.
> 
> Vote if you are enjoying the story so far, and comment and lemme know how this chappie was :D They are bae! <3
> 
> Love ya’ll
> 
> -DW


	13. 'Kim Jongin???' (Part 2)

**Note: Although this is a 'Kim Jongin???' chapter, there might not be much information put on the board 'cause it kind of depends on you guys and what you're assumptions are as well. So I basically add some of the stuff you say. So go ahead and guess some more.**  


 

 

**Friday, 7th October 2016**

 

_His feet made slick, wet sounds as he moved cautiously up to a pair of huge iron gates. A guard held up a hand as he arrived at the gate and looked at the guest up and down._

_“Name?”_

_He replied._

_After a few more questions being asked and answered and his identity being clarified, the gates opened, allowing him to walk into the property. A shiver ran down his spine as he heard the loud echo of the gates closing and locking behind him._

_After entering the eerily silent building, he walked up to the service desk and tapped softly on the counter to get the attention of the nurse who was typing away rapidly on a keyboard._

_“Good evening, how may I help you?” The nurse asked cheerfully despite the heavy atmosphere that hung around in every corner of the building._

_“I have come to see a patient,” he replied politely._

_“I’m sorry, sir, but visiting times are over now. Unless you-”_

_The male quickly showed her a card and the nurse proceeded to confirm the identity. Once the process was completed, she handed his card back and asked him to wait until another nurse was with him before he could visit the patient._

_He nodded and quietly took a seat near the service desk as he patiently waited. After about two minutes, a male and a female nurse appeared and motioned for the male to follow them. Soon after, they came to a room and the two males entered while the female went into another room._

_A brightly lit room with a large wooden table and two wooden chairs occupied the room. A man was seated on the chair opposite to the two males who entered the room, his gaze fixed curiously on both of them._

_The male nurse nodded and the other sat down on the other chair opposite to the male dressed in the usual hospital attire._

_“You’re here,” the patient whispered. “Again.”_

_“Yeah, I am.”_

_The ghost of a smile played on the patient’s lips and he chuckled softly._

_“How are you feeling?”_

_“I’ve felt better, but I guess you could say I’m doing well now.”_

_“That’s great to hear,” the male sighed in relief._

_The patient’s gaze never left the other as he tried to read him. “So what brings you here?”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“I know you visit me when you can, although it’s sort of rare, but I was not expecting you at this hour. So what brings you here?”_

_The male pursed his lips tightly and seemed to think for a while before he got up and made his way to the male nurse._

_He spoke a few words, ignored the hard gaze directed at him by the nurse and waited until he obeyed the order. After a few moments of silence, the male nurse mumbled out a ‘five minutes’ and walked out, closing the door behind him._

_Stuffing his suddenly clammy hands in his pockets, he turned back and went to take a seat._

_The patient remained silent all the while carefully observing the other. After a minute of nothing but silence, the patient spoke._

_“What brings you here?”_

_“I- I don’t know.”_

_Another few seconds of silence passed as the patient carefully observed the confused looking male before speaking again. “What don’t you know?”_

_“Most of the time, it feels like everything. Just… everything and I hate that.”_

_“Of course you do. You fear for what you don’t know.”_

_“For some reason, everything feels so… wrong, and I don’t know what to do,”_

_“Whatever it is you’re fearing, you’re treading on unknown water, aren’t you? On deep, dark and dangerous water?”_

_“I feel like I’m already in it and that it’s too late. What do I do?”_

_“Keep going even if it’s difficult. You don’t exactly drown by entering the deep water; you drown by just staying there and not doing anything about it, but you need to do something fast now, don’t you?”_

_“I don’t want to, though. What can I do to avoid it?”_

_“Now, now. Wouldn’t life be too easy if you could do just that? But I’m afraid you can’t.”_

_“Why not? I don’t exactly like where this is headed.”_

_The patient leaned forward on the chair and the light shone the sadness in his eyes as he continued speaking. “You and I, neither of us can avoid it. We’re both the same, you see? That’s the way it’s supposed to be; we’re the kind who are meant to be broken.”_

_The male played with his fingers as he went over the words again in his head._

_“But what about this person is actually making you hesitate so much?”_

_“Person?” the male echoed in a surprised manner since he didn’t remember having said anything about a person._

_“I know you,” the patient chuckled as his eyes shone under the bright lights._

_Just then, a knock came on the door and the male nurse entered the room and signaled to both that the time was up. Reluctantly, the male stood up and nodded curtly at the patient before turning around and walking towards the door._

_The sharp scraping of the chair as the patient stood up made the other male stop halfway with his back facing the patient._

_“You’re just afraid, aren’t you? Afraid of being hurt by this… this person, right? Of ending up broken? Of getting lost? Losing sense of who you are and of yourself?” he chuckled humorlessly._

_“Expecting and trusting someone to not hurt you after you have met them is ridiculous, isn’t it? It’s pathetic, laughable and just madness itself!” the patient’s voiced boomed out and the other turned around to face the panting man at the other end of the table. “Because people… people always try hard to create something beautiful, but most of the time they are only capable of destroying. But that’s the beauty of it all; because destruction breeds creation. Destruction provides possibilities for new beginnings.”_

_The patient went silent and stared at the other male with an unknown emotion flicking in his hooded gaze. “And don’t worry about getting lost,” the patient said, his voice hoarse. “We’re all lost anyway.”_

_The male remained silent as he continued to stare at the other with a straight face._

_The patient’s face broke into a smile and he laughed loudly, trying to dissipate the heavy atmosphere. “Well, it was nice seeing you again. Do visit me more often if you can.”_

_The male gave a curt nod. “I’ll see what-”_

_“Never mind,” the patient waved a dismissive hand. “That means you probably won’t.”_

_The other pursed his lips together. “I’ll try my best, till then, take care of your health and be well.”_

_“You too, and thank y-”_

_“Don’t. Just don’t.” The male said as he held up a hand although he knew exactly what the other was trying to say –_ thank you for saving me _._

_The patient merely smiled before giving a small nod and the male turned around and continued towards the door._

_“I’ll see you soon,” he whispered softly. “Father.”_  


 

 

 

* * *

  


 

 

Kyungsoo grunted heavily as his right hand clenched around one shopping bag and his jaw clenched around the other as his left hand tried to insert the key into the lock in the darkness. After several attempts, he succeeded in opening the door and he stepped inside, his left hand immediately roaming the wall for the light switches as he kicked the door shut with his foot.

Once the lights came on, he took the bag in his mouth into his left hand and walked into the kitchen. With one final grunt, he heaved the bags onto the table and let out a sigh of relief when the throbbing pain in his arms started to slowly disappear.

_Stupid! What the hell were you thinking when you decided to get groceries enough to feed an elephant?_

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and sighed once again before taking one of the bags and walking over to the refrigerator. After opening the door, he bent over and took anything and everything that had expired or smelt or looked funny. Then he packed in everything in the bag in the refrigerator without caring about how disorganized it was. Then he took the second bag and did the same. Folding both shopping bags after he was done, he folded them up and put them both in another bag containing more shopping bags of all sizes near the door.

He entered his workroom and switched on the lights as he casually made his way to the whiteboard.

It was the first time for Kyungsoo to look at the board with a small of writing on it despite having spent so much of time with Jongin.

He was nibbling on his lower lip lost in his thoughts when his phone started ringing loudly. Without looking at the caller ID, he swiped his thumb and answered the call.

“Hello?”

“Kyungsoo!”

Kyungsoo smiled widely upon hearing the cheerful voice from the other end of the line. “Hey, Yifan. What’s up?”

“Nothing special. Just called ‘cause I was bored with nothing to do.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes but smiled. “Seriously?”

“Yep. So, what are you doing now?”

“Working? What kind of work?” Yifan sounded surprised.

“Just at home. Trying to make sense of Jongin, that’s all.”

“Man, you’re hooked on that guy, aren’t you?”

“I’m just doing my job,”Kyungsoo said nonchalantly to which Yifan snorted loudly with a sarcastic ‘ _yeah, right’_.

“So what are you still trying to figure out about him?”

“I don’t know to be precise, but anything that’ll get through to him, unlike all other things. Anything at all.”

“You honestly make it sound like you’re trying to find a four leaf clover in a meadow or something right now,” Yifan exhaled from the other side.

“That’s exactly what it feels like, but I’m just not looking at the right place yet.”

Yifan exhaled deeply and went silent on the other end.

“Hello? Yifan?” Kyungsoo thought it was unusual for his friend to be silent for that much of time – unless he had fallen asleep.

“I’m still here,” came the reply.

“Oh, okay.”

“You want me to help you with this?”

“Help me? How?”

“Well, you can tell me how the last session went and everything and anything that he said which you found to be strange.”

“Yifan, we’re talking about Jongin. When has he ever talked in a normal way?”

“Yeah, good point, but fill me in any way.”

Kyungsoo then explained to Yifan everything about their last session. Everything he and Jongin had talked regarding ‘memories’.

“Wow, that’s… deep.” Yifan said after having heard everything.

“I know, and for some reason, that talk gave me the chills.”

“You know, the way he was talking about memories and remembering and forgetting, the first thing I thought of was ‘athazagoraphobia’.”

Kyungsoo also seemed to think for a few seconds. “Yes, that would actually make sense.”

He took a marker and wrote  _‘Athazagoraphobia’_ also on the board.

As Yifan kept thinking at the other end, Kyungsoo also remembered other things which he hadn’t written down before.

_Talks on Mondays – WHY?_

_Wannabe dancer?_

“Hey, Kyungsoo?” Yifan suddenly said.

“Yeah?”

“How badly do you want to help Jongin exactly? I mean, I know it’s really good to be dedicated to your work and all and also perform well and everything, but, I can’t help but worry for you at times.”

Kyungsoo couldn’t help but smile at what his friend had said. “Hey, I’ll be just fine, no need to worry about me.”

“I know…” Yifan trailed off. “It’s just that, I’m really worried because I know that Jongin isn’t like the other patients and you said that you guys are basically trying to break each other. He’s taking this all as a game, Kyungsoo, don’t you think that’s dangerous?”

“Although he’s an adult, he’s pretty childish in that way, Yifan. He wants to feel like everything is his and he needs – no, he  _must_  win, and sadly, even though I am a doctor, I’m also that way. I just don’t want to back down from something that I know I can accomplish.”

“Kyungsoo, unlike you, he is so much more broken and damaged, and those kind of people are the ones you should be the most careful of because they know exactly how to survive in this world and how to strike when the moment is just right. You know what kind of a person you should avoid at all cost?”

“What?”

“A person who has got nothing left to lose.”

Kyungsoo became quiet as he thought in silence. “Yifan, you’re right, but there must be something that is Jongin’s weakness. Because if a person has nothing left to lose, it’s basically like you have no purpose in life, and how many people live a life that has no purpose? It’s that purpose that drives them and inspires them. No, he has to have something that is important to him.”

Yifan growled in frustration and was about to argue before Kyungsoo interrupted him. “No, Yifan. Stop. Nothing you’re gonna say is gonna stop me from doing what I want to do. Think about this, Yifan. I think that most of the people who are hurt and broken seek or demand from others for things which they themselves don’t have or did not get. Jongin must also be looking for that sort of thing, right?”

Yifan remained silent and released a heavy sigh after a few moments of silence. “You’re not gonna back down no matter what I say, are you?”

“Nope,” Kyungsoo grinned at the board. “Not one bit, Yifan.”

Yifan laughed from the end. “Fine, fine. Well, taking your stubbornness into consideration, I shall not waste any more time trying to convince you otherwise, but I’ll be here for you. If you ever need help or something, I’ll try my best, okay?”

“Thanks, Yifan,” the doe-eyed male smiled widely. “Really.”

Yifan cleared his throat from the end awkwardly. “Well, that sounded like something out of some sappy drama.”

“I’m guessing that watching all those dramas with Tao has started to affect you?”

“Shit,” Yifan cursed but laughed out loudly. “Ah, Taozi. That guy is making me go all soft which is so not my style.”

Kyungsoo also laughed out loudly.

“Well, I guess I’ll hang up now.”

“Hmm,” Kyungsoo hummed. “Good night, Yifan, and thanks for calling me.”

“That was nothing. Night, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo smiled and stuffed the phone back in his pocket and focused once again on the board.

_Talks on Mondays – WHY?_

_Wannabe dancer?_

_Athazagoraphobia._

_Lollipop?_

Kyungsoo then took the blue marker and wrote ‘ _MEMORY?’_ and circled it thrice. He then took the red and wrote ‘ _Weakness?’_ boldly next to the name on the board.

 _No one’s perfect, Jongin. Everyone has their weakness that they can’t hide no matter how much they try to, and I’ll just have to find yours._  
  


 

 

* * *

  


 

 

Kim Jongin was lying in his bed and blinking at the surrounding inky blackness continuously.

He was wide awake in the middle of the night, something that was quite unusual for him since he only woke up in the morning when his day was to start.

_Why am I awake?_

He was having a dream of that day again; the day when he finally gained control of his life after having manipulated himself.

_But what about it made me wake up?_

He was racking his brains when he heard it in his head.

_Thank you._

And then he saw his father’s brown pair of eyes staring back at him with so much emotion that he thought his mind was starting to play tricks on him. But no, it was there. It was really there. It was so pure and so overwhelming all at once. Then, his father spoke again.

_Thank you._

Jongin didn’t have to ask what for because one look into his father’s eyes and he knew –  _thank you for saving me._

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> GAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
> 
> I don't know how this chapter is for you all, probably confusing as hell, but I tried my best! :P
> 
> I really hope this is at least an OK amount of good :')
> 
> Comment and lemme know how it was for you guys and everything! And don't forget to upvote this too!!! :D
> 
> -DW


	14. Playing The Same Game, But In Different Levels

The following Monday, Kyungsoo made his way to Jongin's room with the bag of lollipops in his hand. As he opened the door, his gaze rested on his patient who was seated at what seemed to be his favorite seat whenever the doctor arrived – the table. The wooden chair was placed a few feet away but directly in front of the tanned male, waiting to be occupied.

Kyungsoo closed the door behind him softly before cautiously making his way towards the male who was staring at him with a fixed gaze. "Good morning, Jongin."

A smile that didn't quite reach the eyes bloomed on the other's face and he nodded in reply.

"How are you doing?"

Jongin casually shrugged and glanced at the doe-eyed male before throwing a sharp look at the chair placed in front of him.

Sighing, Kyungsoo sat down and looked up at the other. "So then, what did you do during the weekend?"

Jongin cocked a brow before he looked around the room and then back at the doctor. "Do I look like the type of guy who would be allowed to leave my room? Especially when the hallways would be filled with other patients?"

Kyungsoo bit his lip. "Well... no."

"Exactly."

Kyungsoo was racking his brains on how to start a conversation with his patient when Jongin spoke again much to his relief.

"But I would actually like to walk around if possible. It's suffocating to see only these four walls every single day. Maybe during our sessions, you could take me out of this hellhole."

The shorter male fidgeted uncomfortably as he had no idea how to answer. When he had been assigned to another patient in this very hospital, he was allowed to take the patient for small walks and mostly spend time in a cafeteria-like place that was for the patients to spend time in, but he wasn't sure about getting permission to take Jongin out of his room.

"Well," Kyungsoo started to wonder. "Have you ever been allowed to walk around this place?"

"With my first two psychiatrists, yes. And then they banned me."

"Oh. Why?"

"I picked a lot of fights with other patients then, and I also used to hurt the doctors who were assigned to me."

"Oh." Kyungsoo deflated; the chances of getting permission from Doctor Joonmyeon was slim. "Why did you pick fights with the other patients? Did they ever do anything to you?"

Jongin smirked. "Well, let's just say it was my way of sending a certain someone a certain message."

Kyungsoo's brows furrowed together. "A message? To who?"

Jongin leaned forward, bringing his head almost to the same level as the doctors'. "You don't need to know that."

"But-"

"I see you've brought the bag of lollipops again." Jongin interrupted and looked at the bag on the doctor's lap.

"Yes, I did, but to who-"

"I said you don't need to know that." Jongin barked suddenly, startling the other at his raised tone.

Kyungsoo blinked rapidly before looking away in disappointment.

Jongin cleared his throat after a few moments of growing silence and Kyungsoo focused his gaze once again on the other. "So, as I was saying, you've brought the bag of lollipops again. What flavor is it going to be this time?"

Kyungsoo sighed in defeat before throwing the bag onto Jongin's lap and glaring up at him. "I don't know, and I don't care. Pick whatever flavor you want today, and I'll just bring the bag again tomorrow, and the day after that, until you're done with all of it or until you finally choose the right flavor."

Jongin looked at the bag on his lap and then again at the short male seated in front of him. "Okay, fine," he shrugged before he started rummaging through the flavors in the bag and picking out one.

Kyungsoo crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in his chair, his focus now on the floor as he waited for Jongin to finish analyzing the lollipop.

"Hmm," Jongin said as he tasted. "Well, this definitely is the flavor alright."

Kyungsoo's head snapped up and his eyes rounded at the lollipop in Jongin's mouth. He jumped to his feet and grabbed the wrapper which Jongin was holding.

_Cherry flavor._

Kyungsoo winced slightly as the cherry flavored lollipop was not one of his personal favorites. His eyes riveted back to Jongin who was now watching him with curiosity burning in his eyes and the red lollipop placed between his plump lips.

"So... you look excited." He stated after a while.

"A-are you sure?" Kyungsoo asked, shaking the wrapper in front of the tanned male's face. "Are you sure this is the flavor?"

A few seconds of silence passed before the patient gave a small nod in confirmation. "Yes, that is the flavor."

Kyungsoo looked at the wrapper again before lifting his gaze to his patient. "Are you playing with me?"

"No. Do I look like I am?"

"I don't know when you are lying and when you are telling the truth, Jongin, so how am I supposed to believe you on this? What if you are just lying to me again just to mislead me?"

"But even if I did just lie to you, you believe me, don't you?" Jongin asked with a knowing smirk.

The doctor remained silent and looked down at the wrapper in his hand

"Even if this is a lie, you believe me already because you would like to take the chance of taking one more step closer in the direction of what I am trying to show you. Am I wrong, doctor?"

Kyungsoo's hand clenched into a tight fist. "Okay, fine. Let's say I believe you, now what? You like cherry flavored lollipops, so now what happens?"

Jongin cocked his head to a side and grinned wickedly. "Now, you have to get the other details right."

Kyungsoo's brows furrowed in confusion. "Other... details?"

"Just because I told you I liked the cherry flavored lollipop, it doesn't mean that I like this specific cherry flavored lollipop."

The doctor blinked before staring at the other in disbelief. "You're not actually asking me to get something, like, the brand of the lollipop correct as well, are you?"

"There you go. Now you just need to get that correct."

Kyungsoo shook the wrapper in front of the tanned face. "Are you joking with me? I am a Psychiatrist and I am supposed to be helping you, not be playing this... this game or whatever you want me to play with you."

"But you're playing it, doctor, and there's no going back."

"Well, I don't want to anymore, Jongin."

"Really?" Jongin questioned as he scooted to the edge of the table while remaining seated.

"Yes, really."

"Are you sure you  _really_  want to give up now?"

Kyungsoo continued to glare at his patient whose face slowly split into the knowing smirk which the doctor had grown to hate.

"After all the times we have met and all the talking we have done till now, I believe you know me enough, doctor. You probably knew from the first day itself that this was how it was going to be. Hopefully, you know by now that I am childish, that I love playing games, especially with people, and that I hate losing."

Kyungsoo's hands clenched and unclenched. "Yes, and you're also the type of person who keeps giving enough hints to keep them in it although they feel like there's no point in it and they are going around in circles."

"Exactly. I want to play this game for as long as I can. It's not fun when the game ends too fast."

"Oh, I see. So who's the next contestant in your game, then? Maybe that person would be a better challenge than me for you, Jongin." Kyungsoo said in a hostile voice.

Jongin chuckled. "That's the thing, you're the final one; or more like the  _only_  one."

Kyungsoo stared dumbfounded for a few moments before gathering his scattered thoughts. "Why me?"

"Finding that out is the game, and I wish you good luck," Jongin smirked.

"Right, obviously," Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. "So then, Jongin, tell me, when does this game end?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know how your own game ends?"

"Beautiful, isn't it? Not knowing the ending? Makes you wonder what it could possibly be."

"But what if I tell you that I know how it is going to end?" Kyungsoo questioned.

Jongin leaned back in surprise, an unreadable emotion flashing through his eyes for a moment before they became hard in a split second.

"What if it ends now because I quit? I am done because I don't see the point. I have a job to do as your doctor, and I know that this most certainly is not it. Looks like you'll have to find another contestant after all, Jongin."

Jongin's features showed mild relief as he smiled and placed his elbows on his thighs while leaning forward and resting his chin on the inside of his right palm. "And who are you trying to convince right now by saying that?" Jongin asked as he slightly tilted his head. "Me? Or you?"

"No one," Kyungsoo hissed.

"Then why are you getting so worked up over this?"

The doctor closed his eyes and inhaled and exhaled a couple of times before looking at his patient again. "Now I'm not, so let's stop playing."

"You won't stop playing, Kyungsoo, I know you won't – or rather, you  _can't_. So stop lying to yourself 'cause you're a horrible liar."

Kyungsoo dropped the wrapper onto the other's lap and crossed his arms over his chest. "I will play this game under one condition."

"That's not how the game goes."

"There won't be a game if I decide to go tell the Head to assign you a new doctor."

"He won't take that risk."

The doctor gave a baffled look towards his patient. "What? Why?"

"Does it matter? I will convince him to send you back here by any means possible anyway."

Kyungsoo's brows furrowed for a moment, a weird look on his face before he spoke again. "Okay, but what if I am the one who doesn't want to do this?"

"Like I asked you, which one of us are you trying to convince more by saying that you don't want to play this game anymore?"

Kyungsoo looked down at the floor as he bit his bottom lip hesitantly.

"You do know that I am childish and love playing games and that I hate losing, right? If I'm like that, I needed to choose an opponent like me to play with me."

Kyungsoo gasped loudly when a pair of legs went around his waist and pulled him forward violently, his hip hitting the edge of the desk painfully and his hands gripping Jongin's thighs tightly.

"And that's why I chose you because you seemed to be like me; childish, and you hate losing games which you love to play. So don't disappoint me, doctor."

Kyungsoo's doe eyes were still wide with shock and he was as stiff as a board in the cornered space of Jongin's legs and the table.

"You just need to get one little thing correct and you'll find the answer. Just dig a little deeper, that's all I'm asking you to do." Jongin whispered. "You might say you want to stop, but you and I both know that you'd hate it if some other doctor was able to help me other than you."

Kyungsoo grit his teeth for he hated Jongin for telling the truth he so badly wanted to be a lie.

"So don't quit on me now; not when I refused to quit before and not when I've made it this far."

Kyungsoo stared at the tanned male astounded. "When you refused to quit?"

"Doctor, do you sometimes ever get the feeling that after you've met a person, you lived your whole life just to meet them at some point? You may not have known it then, but you know it after you have met them?" Jongin asked, his eyes softening slightly at the startled doctor. "I feel like that now. I know you find me infuriating at times, but prove me right by sticking with me till the end. Prove to me that the wait was worth it."

Kyungsoo gulped and he couldn't but stare at the vulnerability that was suddenly present in the other's eyes and how broken he sounded. "O-okay. I will."

Jongin gave a half-hearted, empty smile. "Thank you."

"But you know, Jongin, this whole thing would be a lot easier if you could just tell me everything, you know?"

Jongin's smirk returned and the male shrugged. "I know, but I like playing games, and I also want to know something. So we'll keep playing."

"You said you liked to play with people, but my feelings aren't something to be played with."

"I know, but I have taken the risk of playing this kind of game with someone who knows how to play it too, so I guess it's fair and square."

"But I don't know how to play it."

"You do, but you just haven't realized how to yet. The thing is, doc, we are both playing the same game, but I guess we're right now in different levels. Figure out a way to come to my level."

Kyungsoo sighed heavily. "You want me to prove to you that the wait was worth it, right?" He asked Jongin as he stared into the patient's brown orbs and smiled softly. "Fine, Jongin. Then I'll find out whatever it is you want me to find out, and this time, I'm going to give it all I've got."

Jongin grinned widely before his eyes traveled to the doctor's hands which were still on his thighs. Embarrassed, Kyungsoo tried to take away his hands and free himself from the legs wrapped around him but another pair of hands held his in place and he was pulled even closer.

"What condition were you talking about previously?" Jongin asked, his eyes still focused on their entangled hands.

"What?" Kyungsoo echoed mindlessly.

"You said you'll play this game under one condition. What was it?"

"Oh," Kyungsoo bit his lip. "Does it matter? You'd probably wave it off anyway, like how you usually do."

"I can give it a thought," Jongin said thoughtfully.

"Well, I'll play this game if you start talking a bit more about yourself and everything. If you open yourself a bit more."

Jongin looked back up to the doctor and stared for the longest of times before he finally breathed out softly as if almost in defeat. "Okay. I think I can do that much now."

Kyungsoo blinked once.

Twice.

Thrice.

Jongin tilted his head when the doctor seemed to be frozen in place. He quirked his brow at the doctor and gave the petit hands in his own a squeeze, startling the doctor out of his shocked state.

"Did you just... agree? To what I said?" the doe-eyed male questioned.

A curt nod from the other was all that was needed to make the doctor smile widely.

"Does it honestly make you that happy?"

Kyungsoo could only nod.

"What if I lie?"

The smile disappeared off of Kyungsoo's face and he frowned at Jongin before smiling once again. "Well then, I guess I'm going to have to work harder at figuring you out until you can't hide yourself from me anymore."

"I'll be waiting, doc."

Kyungsoo continued to look at his patient for some time while Jongin's gaze shifted back to the hands on his lap.

"Jongin, since you said you'll open up to me, can we try that, like, today?" Kyungsoo asked desperately.

The other just casually shrugged and the doctor decided to take that as an okay.

"What did you mean when-" Kyungsoo started to say before the bell rang loudly outside and the doctor cursed out loudly. "I swear to God I'm going to smash that bell one of these days," He hissed whereas a small smile played on Jongin's lips as he freed the doctor.

"That question can wait till tomorrow," Jongin said as he got off the table and quickly walked towards the door.

Kyungsoo cursed mentally before he walked towards the door. Jongin held out the bag of lollipops and Kyungsoo frowned a bit before he took it anyway.

"Well, now I know the flavor which you like and also that it's not this brand of lollipops. So one down and God knows how many more to go," Kyungsoo huffed, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"That's the spirit, doc," Jongin grinned wickedly.

"Jongin?" Kyungsoo asked hesitantly at the door and the patient quirked a brow at the doctor. "Why did you do that?"

"Do what? Agree with you? It seemed fair enough to me." The tan male shrugged nonchalantly.

"Not that. There are so many lollipops in here, but why did you choose the lollipop flavor out of all of them? You could have taken another one to mislead me but why didn't you?"

"How do you know I'm not misleading you with this?"

"I don't know for sure, but I'm going to take a leap of faith on this. So why did you do it?"

Jongin sighed before deciding to answer. "Because, doctor, time waits for no one, and we are all living on borrowed time here."

Kyungsoo remained silent for a moment before nodding in an understanding manner. "See you tomorrow, Jongin," Kyungsoo said to which the other nodded before closing the door.

The doctor was walking through the hallway when he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Hey, Kyungsoo! Wait up!"

Kyungsoo smiled before turning around to face Yifan. "Hey, Yifan. Finished with Tao's session?"

"Yep, just finished. You also just finished with yours?"

"Yeah."

"How did it go?"

Kyungsoo's smile widened. "Well, I think I might have finally gotten through to him."

Yifan's jaw dropped in surprise and he stared at the short doctor for a while before pulling himself together. "Are you serious? What did he say?"

"Well, the darn bell rang before we could talk about anything, but tomorrow sounds promising enough."

"Ugh, even I hate that goddamn bell. It honestly has really horrible timing."

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it."

"What's that?" Yifan asked as he eyed the bag in the doctor's hand.

"Oh, these are all the lollipops I bought for Jongin."

The blonde male frowned. "He's still asking you to guess what his favorite lollipop is?"

"Well, I know what his favorite flavor is."

"You do?" Yifan asked in a surprised manner.

"Yep. Now all that's left to do is guess which brand of the cherry flavored lollipop he likes."

The frown instantly disappeared off the giant's face. "Say what now? Did you just say you need to guess which  _brand_  he likes?"

"Yep. So I don't really have any use of these. Do you want these? You can share them with Tao if you want?"

Yifan frowned down at the doctor and shook his head in disbelief. "He's insane and you're crazy. Great. But I'll take the lollipops, thanks. They're great stress relievers."

"I'm not going to eat another lollipop for the rest of my life," Kyungsoo said as he handed over the bag to Yifan.

"I'm not even surprised," Yifan mumbled as he looked through the flavors of the lollipops in the bag. "Hmm, Tao is gonna love these. He has a sweet tooth and he's gonna be happy after he sees these."

 

_Are you okay? Why are you crying? Hey, stop crying. Here, take this. Wipe your tears and smile, okay? Be happy!_

 

"Kyungsoo?" Yifan asked as he stared at the dazed-looking doctor.

"Huh?"

"Are you alright?"

"Y-yeah. I just... I thought... I remembered something," Kyungsoo said as he tried to rack his brains.

"Remembered what?"

"I... I don't know."

Yifan shot the other a quizzical look. "Ok, well, let's go?"

"Yeah, okay. Let's go." Kyungsoo said absentmindedly as the two walked down the hallway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. It was a tad bit rushed, but I hope it's okay :)
> 
> Kudos if you're loving the story and support it! Comment and lemme know how the latest chapter was for you :D
> 
> -DW


	15. Turning Back The Pages

Kyungsoo was seated in the cafeteria and reading a newspaper when a voice greeted him from behind, startling him.

“Good morning, Doctor Do,” Sehun greeted before setting down two cups of coffees and sitting opposite the doctor.

“Good morning, Sehun.” Kyungsoo greeted with a warm smile. “How are you?”

“I’m doing well, doctor, and you?”

“Same here.” The other replied with a small smile. “I saw you seated here and bought you a cup of coffee as well. I hope you don’t mind; I didn’t even ask you if you wanted one.”

Kyungsoo smiled widely. “No, that’s okay. Thank you very much.” The doctor said as he took the warm cup towards him. “How are things going on with the patient you were assigned to? Luhan, was it?”

“Things are going quite well. I don’t really have much to do as he seems to be almost completely fine.” Sehun explained as he took the other cup and opened the lid. Reaching into his pocket, he took out a lollipop and started to unwrap it. “But of course it’s also because my supervisor is really great and helpful and makes sure I don’t make any mistakes.”

The doctor laughed softly. “I really don’t see you as a person to make many mistakes, Oh Sehun.”

The younger male smiled before he dipped the lollipop into the coffee and swirled it in the brown liquid slowly.

“What are you doing?” The doe-eyed male asked as he stared at what the other was doing.

Sehun looked down at the cup before smiling sheepishly back at the doctor. “Oh, it’s a habit at times. For some reason, this seems to add a bit more flavor to the coffee.”

Kyungsoo smiled before he took a small sip of his own coffee.

“How are things going with Kim Jongin? Is it any good?” Sehun asked as he continued to stir the coffee with the lollipop.

“Oh, well, only yesterday he told me that I had to get the correct brand of the lollipop too, so I still haven’t progressed much,” Kyungsoo said, fidgeting a bit uncomfortably. He didn’t know why, but every time the other asked him something regarding Jongin, the doctor felt a bit uncomfortable. It was as if the younger one was waiting for something to happen, the burning curiosity in his eyes always unsettled the doctor’s nerves. So he was always cautious about the type of information he told the other, especially really personal things related to the patient was not revealed.

“Oh? Did you get the flavor right, then?” Sehun asked, suddenly sitting upright.

“Well, I did, but it’s more like he told me. I kind of lost my temper a bit and asked him to choose whatever flavor he wanted and he chose one and said it was the correct one.”

“Are you sure it’s the correct one though?”

“Not really, but it’s better than nothing.”

“What was the flavor?”

“Cherry flavor,” Kyungsoo said and grimaced a bit before drinking some more coffee.

“I see,” the younger male said, a small smirk tugging at his lips.

Just then, a brunet walked up to their table and greeted the two of them.

“Doctor Byun, may I help you with something?” Sehun asked as he got up and bowed to the brunet.

“Ah, Sehun, let’s go. Your session will start in about thirty minutes and today there will be another doctor to evaluate Luhan, as well as you. You might want to be prepared for this one.”

“Of course, doctor,” Sehun said as he took his cup of coffee. “I’ll see you later, doctor Do.”

“See you, Sehun. Good luck.” Kyungsoo said as he waved at the two.

Kyungsoo continued to read the newspaper until it was ten minutes before his session also started. He folded the newspaper and stood up to leave before the lollipop wrapper caught his eye. He took it and turned it over and observed the wrapper before shaking his head and dumped both the empty cup of coffee and the wrapper in the bin.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Morning, Jongin,” Kyungsoo greeted as he closed the door behind him and casually walked over to the chair that was again placed at a considerable distance away from the table where the patient was seated.

Jongin gave a curt nod before leaning back against the wall.

Kyungsoo nervously played with his fingers as he watched the other male stare at him from half closed eyes.

“What is it that you want to tell me or ask me that you’re so silent right now?” Jongin finally asked after a long stretch of silence.

Kyungsoo stared at his patient for a second before beginning to speak with caution. “Jongin, since you said you’ll open up to me yesterday, can we try that? Like, today?”

The other just casually shrugged and the doctor decided to take that as an okay.

“Yesterday you said, and I quote, _‘so don’t quit on me now; not when I refused to quit before_ ’. What did you mean by when you refused to give up before? And also about living your life to meet a certain person?”

The tanned male remained silent before slowly leaning forward, gaze focused on the ground. Kyungsoo remained quiet for a few moments as he patiently waited for an answer.

“Doctor, let’s say that a person is going through something unbearable – like some kind of difficult times – what do you think that person will try to do?”

“They will try to escape from the situation or avoid it.”

“But what if they can’t escape it or give up? Then what would they do?”

“Are we talking about this matter in physical terms or mental terms?”

“Both, but let’s already say that no physical escape is possible from the situation. What would they do?”

“They would at least try, wouldn’t they, Jongin?”

“But assume they have tried every method possible and they still can’t do it, and it’s so bad that they can’t even give up because even giving up is not an option for them; the physical pain is painful and the mental turmoil even more unbearable. Then what do they do?”

Kyungsoo gulped for he knew the exact answer which Jongin wanted. “They would try to find… a more permanent solution.”

“Like?”

Kyungsoo closed his eyes. It was something that most people seemed to do if something absolutely horrible was happening to them, and in a society like today, it seemed to be the answer to almost everything at times.

“Suicide?”

A heavy silence settled between the two of them for some time before the patient looked up at the doctor, his eyes devoid of emotion. “That’s right,” Jongin sighed. “That was what I meant by refusing to give up. Because at one point in my life, it was all I could think about and I was so obsessed with it.”

Kyungsoo shifted in his seat as he hunched over, both elbows placed on his thighs as he waited.

“Have you ever been suicidal, doctor? Has it ever gone to a point in your life that suicide seemed to be the _only_ option?”

Kyungsoo remained silent and waited for the other to continue.

“That it hurt so much that you wanted to end it all? End the pain and the suffering? To be free from it all? To be wishing every night that you never woke up in the morning? That you’d just be lucky enough to suddenly drop dead? That the people would leave you alone just so that you could kill yourself?” Jongin whispered and chuckled humorlessly. “I wanted to give up so much and I wanted it all to end that I was ready to take my own life.”

Jongin, with his eyes locked on the doctor, sat upright before he slowly lifted the left corner of his shirt. Kyungsoo’s eyes traveled down and settled an ugly looking scar etched over his skin.

“I tried, you know? Once. I tried because I wanted it all to end.” Jongin whispered, and Kyungsoo looked back up at his patient. “I stabbed myself because honestly speaking, I was tired of it all, but as you can clearly see, I failed. Funny how that one person who wanted me dead was the same one who saved me, too.” Jongin scoffed.

Kyungsoo was thinking for some time before he cautiously spoke again. “Jongin, I don’t mean to offend you or anything like that by this question I’m about to ask, but why did you not attempt suicide again? After you failed the first time?”

Jongin stared at the doctor. “How do you know I didn’t attempt it again?”

“You stated that you tried it only once before,” Kyungsoo answered. “I don’t mean it in an offensive manner or anything, Jongin, don’t take it the wrong way. It’s just that, statistically speaking, people who attempt suicide the first time and fail tend to attempt it again, and considering the kind of environment you were in, what changed your mind?”

Jongin smirked widely. ”I had some motherfuckers to prove wrong, that’s why. They said that killing myself would make no difference; that no one would even realize that I was gone. That drove me mad for some reason and I gave up on killing myself. And besides, after my first attempt, I realized that what I had done brought an immense satisfaction to those who wanted me dead. I could see it in their eyes. They were waiting for it to happen again, but I decided to never give them that satisfaction ever again.”

Jongin laughed in a cold manner and leaned back, his eyes fixated on the doctor who was silently listening to him.

“I know, you’re probably thinking that all that I did was stupid and everything and-”

“No,” Kyungsoo interrupted, a tight lump forming in his throat. “It doesn’t sound stupid, Jongin, not at all; because I’ve also been there before.”

Jongin tilted his head to a side and observed the doctor.

“I may not have had it as bad as you, but I also once wanted to end everything.” Jongin continued to stare at the doctor with a steely gaze in silence who was struggling to form words as he was overtaken with emotions. “To think that suicide is the only option at one point in life when everything is hard and nothing seems to be right is not stupid. But you know what is actually stupid? It’s the people that drive others to that point of wanting to kill themselves that are stupid.”

Kyungsoo swallowed before continuing, “Every life is precious. No one deserves to be treated so badly to the point that they think that suicide is the best option, and no one should ever go through something to make them think that either. So no, you’re not the one who was stupid for thinking or attempting that, it’s the others who made you become like that that are stupid.”

“What was it that made you not attempt it, then?” Jongin questioned.

“Because I had someone precious to me; someone I had to protect. So, I couldn’t give up like that. I loved that person that I couldn’t bear the thought of destroying him further.” Kyungsoo explained.

“You’re really lucky in that case, if you had someone worth living for. One that I cared for became a monster I couldn’t recognize or care for and the other left me when I most needed him.” Jongin said in a strained voice.

An agonizing silence settled between the two again, and no one dared to speak a word for a long time, each lost in his own thoughts.

The bell rang loudly outside, shattering the silence and startling the doctor out of his dazed state.

“By the way, you didn’t ask me anything regarding the lollipop today?” Jongin said when the bell stopped ringing.

“Ah,” the doctor said as he reached into his pocket and brought out four lollipops. “Is it one of these?” He asked as he held them at his patient.

Jongin carefully observed them before smirking at the doctor. “Better luck next time.”

Kyungsoo frowned before stuffing them back into his pocket as he grumbled, “What’s the difference? I’m pretty sure they all taste the same.”

Jongin smirked even more before walking towards the door.

“Jongin,” the short male said as he grabbed onto the other’s arm. Jongin turned around to face the doe-eyed male who was staring up at him. “I don’t know all that you went through, and all that you had to bear by yourself in the past, but the fact that you overcame all that on your own and made it till here, I’m proud of you. You may not have made the best choices, sure, but you didn’t make that one big mistake. You may have been labeled as a criminal by others and definitely not as ‘normal’, but the fact that you made it all by yourself… I’m proud of that; because no matter what you are called as or said to be by others, you are also still human.”

Jongin seemed mildly surprised by the doctor for a moment, but he soon smirked and tugged at the hand wrapped around his, closing the distance between the two. “Really? But don’t I annoy the hell out of you, doctor? I infuriate you but you say that you are happy? Are you sure?”

“Yes, because you being gone would have made a difference in my life. A big difference. And as maddening as you are, I still prefer it this way rather than not having anything to do with you.”

Jongin’s smirk dissolved slowly and he just stared at the doctor. Quickly he shook his head and freed his hand before he walked towards the door hurriedly and opened it, motioning the doctor to leave.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then, Jongin,” Kyungsoo said and Jongin just nodded and closed the door.

Kyungsoo was walking down the corridor when Yifan called from behind him and walked faster to catch up to him.

“Hey, how did it go?”

“It’s getting better now. He opened up to me somewhat.” Kyungsoo said.

“Really? That’s great news” Yifan smiled at the short doctor.

“Doctor Yifan, Doctor Do, hello,” Sehun walked up to them and greeted.

“Oh, hello again, Sehun,” Kyungsoo said and Yifan also greeted the boy.

“Are you both going to go home now?” Sehun asked.

“Yeah, well, I’m done for today and I have some work to attend to at home,” Kyungsoo replied.

“I’m also done for today so I’ll be heading home too.”

“Oh, I see.” Sehun nodded.

“Aren’t you going home too?” Kyungsoo questioned.

“I have to go talk with Doctor Byun regarding today’s session since both the patient and I were being evaluated. I think I’ll be done in about five or ten minutes.” Sehun answered glancing at his watch.

“Oh, do you want us to wait for you? I have to collect some of my things from the office and I think Yifan does too. We can wait at the cafeteria.”

“Oh, really? If that’s no problem for you, I would really appreciate it. I’ll try to be done as soon as possible.”

“Take your time, it’s okay,” Kyungsoo said with a smile before they parted.

Yifan and Kyungsoo were seated at one of the tables in the cafeteria that was bustling with doctors and some nurses as they waited for the Sehun to come. Setting the bag on his lap, Kyungsoo crossed his arms on the table and placed his head on his arms. “Let me know when Sehun arrives. I’m just gonna close my eyes for a second.”

Yifan grunted back in response as he focused on his phone.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_“Hey, are you okay?” Kyungsoo asked a boy who was crouched on the ground and had his face buried in his hands._

_The boy, having been startled, looked up at Kyungsoo with a tearstained face. Kyungsoo stared back in shock and his hand immediately grabbed the other’s shoulder._

_“Hey, stop crying,” Kyungsoo said as he reached into his pocket and brought out two lollipops; one orange and one cherry flavored one. Hesitating for a moment, he shoved the orange flavored one back into his pocket and held the cherry flavored one to the boy._

_“Here, take this.” He said as he slightly shook the other’s shoulder. “Wipe your tears and smile, okay?”_

_He reached back into his pocket and brought out a handkerchief to wipe the boy’s face with. “Come on, be happy! I don’t give lollipops to everyone!” Kyungsoo grinned widely._

_The boy had stopped crying and was staring at small pale in front of him. Timidly, he took the lollipop and stared back at the other._

_“There you go!” Kyungsoo smiled and lightly slapped the other’s shoulder. “That’s how you should be! Stop crying and smile, don’t be so sad, okay?”_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kyungsoo woke up and shot up, his bag dropping to the floor and his chair falling backward with a loud crash.

“What? What? What?” Yifan yelled suddenly taken by surprise.

Kyungsoo stared at the giant for a moment before running towards the garbage bin he had earlier thrown the coffee and the lollipop wrapper into.

“Kyungsoo, is something wrong?” Yifan asked in a worried tone as he closely followed the short male.

“Kyung- Kyungsoo! What the fuck are you doing?” the giant asked in surprise when the other knelt by a garbage bin and started to go through the trash. “Kyungsoo? What are you-”

“Ah! It’s here!” Kyungsoo said in happiness as he held up a small lollipop wrapper.

“What the actual flying fuck?” Yifan deadpanned.

“Yifan, I’m sorry, I have to go. Tell Sehun I left first.” Kyungsoo said as he got up and ran to the table to get his bag before hurriedly leaving.

Yifan stared at the short doctor’s back before looking back at the garbage bin. “O-kay…?”

“Where did doctor Do go?” Sehun asked when Yifan went back to the table.

“I… honestly have no idea. He dug around in the trash can and grabbed some wrapper or something and just left.” Yifan said in a confused manner as he scratched his head.

“Oh?” Sehun asked and a small smile played on his lips. “Did he now?”

“I… have no idea what’s going on, but come on let’s go,” Yifan said as he grabbed his bag and the two left.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kyungsoo ran down the corridor and halted sharply in front of Jongin’s door. Opening the door, he ran in to find Jongin lying on the bed.

Slamming the door shut, he walked towards his patient who was now sitting up and looking at the doctor in confusion.

“What are you doing back here?” Jongin questioned. “The session ended about twenty minutes ago.”

Out of breath but with a wide smile plastered on his face, the doctor crouched in front of his baffled patient and grabbed his shoulder. “Hey, are you… okay?”

“What?”

“Hey, stop… crying.” He coughed out in between short breaths and felt his smile get even wider when the other stiffened and stared at him in surprise.

“Here, take… this.” Kyungsoo said as he opened his palm and offered a cherry flavored lollipop.

Jongin stared at the doctor for a short moment before his gaze slowly traveled down to the lollipop. Slowly, he took the lollipop and stared at it. Then, he slowly raised his head and locked eyes with the doctor as his lips split into a satisfied smirk.

Kyungsoo’s smile faltered a bit. _Am I wrong again?_

“I guess you were able to turn back the pages and show me that I wasn't just another worthless chapter that was forgotten by you after all, huh, Soo?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> As always, I hope this chapter was okay :D
> 
> But, well, I’d like to dedicate this chapter to all those people who survived. All those people who avoided doing a big mistake when at times life has been absolute shit to you. I’m so proud of every single one of you. Really. Because don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re not worthy, because you are.
> 
> You are wanted. You are loved. You are important. You are beautiful, and most importantly, YOU ARE YOU AND NO ONE ELSE. That’s a good enough reason itself as to why you should never consider suicide as an option.
> 
> So here’s one to all those who refused to give up. I don’t know who you are and the chances of us meeting on this earth are very, very small (I tend to waste my time in my room and rarely go out), BUT I AM PROUD OF YOU FOR BEING ALIVE. YOU ARE ALIVE FOR A REASON AND DON’T YOU FORGET THAT.
> 
> And to all those who haven’t maybe gone through the point of considering suicide as an option, don’t go there and don’t ever let anyone make you feel miserable to the point you feel that way. Because you are not someone who deserves to feel that way.
> 
> I’ve been there and it’s not pretty, and anyone who has been through that sort of thing would probably agree with me.
> 
> To everyone in general, just hang on. It will get better. When? Eventually… because everything that falls apart also falls into place, and not everything that seems to be falling apart does actually fall apart at times, sometimes they might be falling into place and you may never know.
> 
> Like the saying goes, Life is short, but it's also the longest thing you'll ever have and experience if you live to the fullest. Don't let anyone control what's yours.
> 
> I’m proud of you and I love you, and nothing can change that <3
> 
> -DW


	16. First Love

_Eight-year-old Jongin ran as fast as he could and hid behind one of the large garbage containers. Sliding down the wall, he crouched so that he couldn’t be seen and covered his mouth with his hand so that no one could hear him. Noises that had been following him became louder and he began to shake with fear at the thought of being caught._

_“Where did he go?” One of them yelled._

_“I don’t know, but he might have run that way.” Another said and thankfully, the sound of feet and shouts disappeared around the corner of the building._

_When he was sure that no one knew where he was, he released a breath he had been holding in and fell onto his bottom and stretched out his legs. Slowly, the pain started to settle in his body and the tears began to fall._

_“W- why me? Why m-me?” He silently sobbed._

_After a few minutes of silent sobbing into his hands, he felt a hand on his shoulder and something touch his cheek._

_Fear gripped his heart and he got into the fetal position against the wall. “Please… don’t…” Jongin begged with his eyes closed and face buried in his hands._

_“Hey, are you okay?” a soft, angelic voice whispered and Jongin’s eyes fluttered open with surprise. Startled, he looked up to see a pair of doe-eyes staring back at him in shock._

_“Hey, stop crying.” The stranger, who was squatting, said to him as he tightly grabbed Jongin’s shoulders. After a few moments, the boy dug into his pocket and brought out two lollipops. He seemed to look at the two for a moment before he put one back in his pocket and held out the other to Jongin._

_“Here, take this.” The boy said and grabbed his shoulder again. “Wipe your tears and smile, okay?”_

_The boy reached into his pocket again and this time brought out a handkerchief and proceeded to wipe Jongin’s tearstained face. “Oh, come on! Be happy! I don’t give lollipops to everyone” the boy said with a laugh and urged the boy to take the lollipop._

_Jongin, still a bit shocked, slowly and timidly reached for the lollipop as he continued to stare at the other; as if still anticipating a blow to come at him at any second._

_“There you go!” the boy smiled brightly and slapped Jongin’s shoulder cheerfully, making Jongin wince a little. “That’s how you should be! Stop crying and smile! Don’t be so sad, okay?”_

_Jongin shyly nodded as he brought his legs closer to himself. The stranger looked at Jongin in a quizzical manner before throwing his a heart-shaped smile and sitting down next to him._

_“What’s your name?” the boy asked._

_Jongin stiffened and looked down at the ground._

_“Are you scared of me as well?” the boy asked in disbelief and before he could even stop himself, Jongin nodded once. As soon as he had nodded, he turned to stare at the doe-eyed boy in surprise, but the other just started laughing hysterically._

_“Why? You think I’m going to hit you like some people did?” The boy asked and Jongin looked down once again._

_“It’s okay,” the boy smiled. “I’ll call you pup for the time being then, because you remind me of a puppy.”_

_Jongin looked at the other in a confused manner._

_“Do I remind you of some animal as well? Something you’d like to call me as well? Because I’m not telling you my name unless you tell me yours.” The boy said with a mischievous smile._

Angel…? _Jongin thought, but he decided to keep quiet because it might have sounded too weird._

_Jongin shook his head and then looked away again. The boy sighed before he shrugged and brought his legs up to his chest._

_“So, who did it? Who hit you?” the boy asked, only to be met with silence. “Okay, well, if you’re not going to talk now, I’ll wait till you’re ready to do so.”_

_Jongin peeked from the corner of his eye at the other, and when the boy smiled widely at him, he looked back at the ground, the tips of his ears turning a shade of red._

_Jongin realized that the boy had a really nice smile, and that he might not hurt him._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_The second time the doe-eyed boy and Jongin met was when Jongin was about to be bullied by some other boys._

_A shoe came flying and hit one of the menacing one’s head and that was enough to distract everyone from Jongin._

_“Hey, pup! Start running! Now!” a familiar voice yelled before the doe-eyed boy came into everyone’s line of vision, with one shoe missing._

_Jongin gaped at the boy in surprise and as did the other two boys who had been ready to hit Jongin not seconds ago._

_“Hey, who are you?” one of the two yelled._

_“The one who is gonna kick your butt if you don’t stop hurting my friend!” the short male yelled back loudly, and the two started laughing loudly._

_“What? You don’t think I can do that?” the boy continued yelling and started to take off his other shoe as well. “And pup! Can you not hear me? I said run!” The boy shouted before throwing the other shoe directly at the face of the bigger of the two._

_He immediately started howling in pain and his friend came to his aid, and the doe-eyed boy took that chance to quickly grab his shoes and run to Jongin._

_“Get up! We have to go!” He yelled in Jongin’s ear before pulling up the shocked one to his feet and running._

_Jongin ran along with the other boy, his hand tightly gripped in the other’s small one as both of them made a mad dash before they could be caught. After running for a couple of minutes, the doe-eyed male stopped abruptly and pushed Jongin into the janitor’s room before he too stepped in and closed the door almost shut._

_When there was nothing for a few more minutes, the boy also dropped to the ground where Jongin was and breathed out heavily._

_“So, you always get hit by them?” He whispered, and Jongin timidly nodded. “And you don’t do anything?” Another nod._

_“Why not?”_

_Jongin held up two fingers. “Because there’s two of them?” the boy asked and Jongin nodded again._

_“I see. Well, now you have me, so will you do something now?” Jongin blinked a few times before shrugging and looking down._

_The boy sighed and scooted over to sit in front of Jongin crosslegged. “Here,” the boy said as he held a handkerchief. “Your face has some dirt on it.”_

_Jongin stayed quiet before the other grunted and leaned forward and grabbed his face to wipe the dirt off by himself._

_Once he was done, the boy put the handkerchief in his pocket and sat upright. “Do you want another lollipop? Will that make you happy?”_

_Jongin spared a glance before shaking his head, his hand then reached into his pocket and brought out the lollipop the other had given to him the other day._

_“Oh? You still haven’t eaten it. You don’t like it?” The boy asked surprised, to which Jongin shook his head again and immediately started unwrapping it. “I guess you didn’t have time then.” The boy said as he too took one out of his pocket and started unwrapping it._

_Jongin looked at the boy before he put the cherry flavored lollipop into his mouth, and, for the first time, smiled shyly at the other who also popped in a lollipop into his own mouth. The unfamiliar taste of cherry burst in his mouth and he tried his best to stop his face from scrunching up at the flavor._

_“You like it?” the boy asked and Jongin nodded vigorously to hide the slight distaste._

_Jongin realized that the boy must have horrible tastes when it came to lollipops, but it didn’t matter because it was the first time someone had given something like this to him._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_The third time Jongin met the boy was when Jongin was about to head home and found the lollipop boy near the school gates, and he seemed to have been waiting for someone._

_Jongin went up to him and pulled at the hem of his shirt and the doe eyes immediately landed on him._

_“Oh, hello, pup! How are you doing?” the boy asked with a smile and Jongin smiled back._

_“Good.” He whispered._

_The large doe eyes widened in surprise and the boy leaned closer to him. “Did you just talk? Can you talk?” He asked in surprise and Jongin nodded with a small smile on his lips._

_The other stared at him in surprise for a little while before his heart-shaped lips split into a huge smile. “Awesome! So, how was it today? Did anyone try hitting you today?”_

_“No, not today,” Jongin whispered._

_“What was that?” the other asked and leaned forward._

_“Not today,” Jongin whispered again._

_“Oh, okay. Then that’s good, isn’t it?” the other whispered back and Jongin nodded. “But why are we whispering?”_

_Jongin smiled before he whispered back, “I don’t know.”_

_The other laughed loudly and patted Jongin’s head in a playful manner and Jongin also giggled._

_A car turned up near the entrance and the window rolled down before an attractive woman from inside waved at the two and called out for the doe-eyed boy. “Soo, come on darling!”_

_The doe-eyed male turned around to Jongin and smiled widely at him. “Hey, that’s my mommy. I have to go now, but I’ll see you tomorrow?”_

_Jongin nodded enthusiastically and the other turned around to leave._

_Jongin realized that the boy had a really kind heart, and a really beautiful name; Soo._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_After that, Jongin and Soo continuously met at school. At first, Jongin still had trouble because the two boys who used to bully him still came around to bully him, and after a few times, Soo decided to stick by him to prevent him being hurt, and after a while, the bullying stopped because the two bullies were scared of getting hit by shoes and other flying objects._

_And, although some time had passed, Jongin never told Soo that he knew his name because he wanted to surprise the other when he decided to tell his own name. So Jongin just had to go up to Soo or else Soo just had to call him ‘pup’ and that was it, and it wasn’t much of a problem either since Jongin was quite shy and reserved while Soo talked most of the time._

_They met at the playground during recess and near the gates when school was over. And when Soo’s mother came to pick him up, Jongin would walk home since it was not that far._

_Their friendship grew quickly in the span of five months, and then Soo gave news that shattered Jongin._

_“Hey, pup? Apparently, my parents are planning on moving to Seoul.” Soo suddenly said one day when they were at the gates one Friday afternoon._

_Jongin’s eyes widened and he stared at the other in shock. “What?” he meekly asked._

_“Apparently my parents are thinking of moving out of this place. They said that we would move out in about two weeks or so.”_

_Jongin remained silent for the longest of moments. “But… why?”_

_“I don’t know, pup. Daddy says something about his job or something, and mommy has always wanted to move to Seoul. They said that I will go to school there.”_

_Jongin, shell-shocked, quickly looked down when he felt the slight wetness in his eyes at the thought of losing his friend; his_ only _friend._

_“Will you come back?” Jongin stammered._

_Soo remained silent before sighing out in a defeated manner. “I don’t think so, pup. I think they want to settle down there.”_

_“Oh.” Was all Jongin could manage to say with the way his throat was getting clogged up and the emotions that were taking over him._

_“Hey,” Soo suddenly said and wrapped his arms around the boy who was close to crying. “I knew you would be like this, that’s why I didn’t want to tell you, but I felt bad about it too. But pup, don’t worry, okay? You have a telephone back at home, right? I’ll call you, like I do sometimes, okay? And when I get holidays, I’ll come to see you and also play with you. Or else you could come to see me in Seoul and then we could play together, just like now, okay?”_

_Jongin looked up at the other. “You promise?”_

_Soo let go of Jongin and held out his pinky finger, around which Jongin also wrapped his pinky finger. “Pinky promise, pup. If you’re gonna come to Seoul, I’ll find some interesting places for us to go see as well! How does that sound?”_

_Jongin sniffed through his teary eyes and smiled. “You promised, okay?”_

_“Of course, pup! We are friends forever, okay? Don’t forget that!”_

_Jongin smiled at that. “When are you going?”_

_“In about two weeks, so I actually asked mommy and daddy if I can bring you over and if we could play during the weekend, and also maybe during the week. You need to ask your parents first though. I’ll call you in the evening to ask you?”_

_“Okay. I’ll ask mommy and daddy and tell you in the evening.” Jongin smiled._

_“Okay.”_

_Just then, Soo’s mother came to pick him up and the doe-eyed boy gave a quick hug to Jongin and ran as he waved frantically at the blushing younger one._

_Jongin realized then that even the thought of losing Soo brought him pain._

 

 

**********

 

 

_Although Jongin’s parents agreed that he could go over to Soo’s place to play, none of them did get the chance to do so, and that was when promises made were never meant to be kept._

  
  


 

**********

 

  
  


_Jongin felt pain everywhere in his body and his heavy eyelids opened after a lot of struggling. Blinking rapidly against the bright lights invading his vision, he squinted at the array of colors spilling into his world._

_“Da… daddy?” Jongin barely breathed out, his tiny voice hoarse and an almost an inaudible whisper. His eyes barely made out a familiar silhouette in the world of white._

_“Jongin. Oh, Jongin, thank God.”_

_“Daddy, where am I?” Jongin croaked out, his throat burning as if on fire._

_“Jongin, thank God you’re alright. Thank God.” His father grabbed his hand and cried._

_“Da-” Jongin started but stopped when black spots started invading his vision. Soon, he slipped into a world of darkness again._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_It was two weeks after the accident had taken place, and Jongin’s world had started falling apart bit by bit. All that Jongin could remember was that after he had gone back home and asked his parents whether he could spend the weekend at Soo’s place, he had asked his mother whether he could get Soo a gift to remember him by. His mother had agreed and they had left about two hours later, and on their way home, Jongin remembered hearing the sudden screech of tires and glass shattering and lots of shouting before he remembered seeing black._

_After that, he had slipped in and out of consciousness on more than several occasions but fully awakened about three days after the accident, and the heartbreaking news of his mother not having survived the accident broke his heart. Jongin was kept at the hospital as he had sustained several injuries and had a fractured arm. But soon after, he and his father prepared for his mother’s funeral. The days flew by in a daze of cries and sorrow and lots of relatives and people whom Jongin didn’t know or didn’t remember expressing their condolences._

_It was only after two and a half weeks that Jongin forcefully left the household when his father was not around him. He ran to Soo’s house, taking the same route he had done so several times, but the house seemed abandoned. Desolate. Empty._

_That was when he remembered._

My parents and I will be moving out in about two weeks.

_“No… no, no, no,” Jongin whispered as he walked up to the door and grabbed the handle and tried to open the door. The door was locked._

_“No… no… please don’t… don’t be gone…” Jongin sobbed and started banging on the door with his uninjured hand._

_“Open the door! Is anyone there? Soo!” Jongin cried._

_“Jongin!” Jongin’s father suddenly called out and Jongin whirled around to face him, tears running down his face._

_“Daddy… where’s Soo?”_

_His father looked as confused as he did. “I… I don’t know, Jongin.”_

_Jongin wiped at his face and ran to the house next door and knocked on the door. A woman answered the door and stared at Jongin in surprise._

_“E-excuse me, but… do you know where the people who lived in that house are?” Jongin asked._

_The woman looked over at the house and then back at Jongin. “Oh, they moved out a few days ago. I think about two days ago or so.”_

_Jongin fell to his knees at the porch in despair. “No… Soo… you promised me…”_

_Jongin’s father quickly came and carried him away in his arms, apologizing profusely to the woman before walking away._

_After walking some distance away, Jongin’s father set his crying child down and brushed at the hairs. “Jongin?”_

_“Daddy, Soo promised me that we would spend time together before he went. Why did he suddenly go? Without even telling me?” Jongin cried, his petit frame shaking._

_“I don’t know, Jongin. Maybe he knew that we were busy with… mommy’s funeral and all?”_

_“Then why didn’t he come then at least?”_

_“I don’t know, baby. I don’t know.”_

_Jongin cried for a long time on his father’s shoulder as he was carried back home again._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_Jongin decided to hang onto that last string of hope that Soo would call him like he had said he would and waited every day for a call, but it never came. Hours stretched into days, and days into weeks, which eventually became months. And although the pain lessened as time went by, it never completely went away._

_And as time passed, Jongin realized._

_Jongin realized that he was hopelessly, and painfully, in love with Soo._

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo listened in silence to Jongin and as he finished, he could not help but look at the ground in shame.

Jongin remained quiet for a long time, his firm gaze fixed on the doctor who was seated beside him on the bed.

“Why didn’t you call?” Jongin finally asked, to which he was greeted by silence. “Do you know how long I waited for your call? You promised me, but no, I got nothing.”

“Because I hated you,” Kyungsoo replied, biting his lip and looking back up to meet the shocked face of the tanned male. “I hated you for surviving that accident, Jongin. Why? Because you weren’t the only one who lost someone that day. Three people were involved in that accident and only one survived; you. The ones who didn’t make it was your mother… and mine.”

“What?” Jongin whispered, disbelief carved on his features.

“My mom went into a coma for some time but she had epidural hemorrhage and passed away. Your mom passed away on impact and you were lucky enough to survive the accident, both of which I got to know later on; after I had already moved to Seoul. At that time, mom’s death took one hell of a toll on dad and it was when we were supposed to move as well. He was devastated then. The date of us moving out was delayed, but when dad and I got the chance, we left that place, it was too much for him to stay there, and frankly, it was too much for me too.”

“And even after you left, you didn’t even try to call me or anything, huh?”

“I was furious, Jongin. I was hurt and furious to know that you survived it and my mom didn’t. It was childish, I know. It was really immature of me and if you ask me now, obviously I wouldn’t think that way. It wasn’t your fault, but back then I was just mad and broken. It took me a long time to realize, but then I figured that you must have moved on. It was the only reasonable thing at that moment. I mean, years had already passed, so I left it at that.”

“I see,” Jongin said, his lips forming a thin line and his gaze moving to the wall.

Kyungsoo then laughed out, in a hurt and sarcastic manner. “But wow, even after all these years, here we are. I never imagined I’d see you again, and definitely not in this kind of situation either.”

Jongin’s eyes flicked over to the doctor once again. “Would you have preferred not to meet me at all if not like this?”

“No, not like that. It’s just…” Kyungsoo hesitated for a moment before bringing his hand up and brushing away some of the hair that had fallen over the tanned male’s eyes. “I didn’t think you’d be like this if we ever did meet.”

“You mean as a murderer? A criminal? Or as your patient?” Jongin’s gaze hardened.

“I’m so sorry, Jongin.” Kyungsoo blurted out suddenly before tears suddenly started to run down his face. “I… I’m so sorry. I just…. I mean, what happened? Who broke you this much? How did you get so broken?”

The other’s gaze softened ever so slightly before he grabbed the doctor’s hand that was still brushing his hair. “You weren’t there. Maybe you could’ve saved me then. Maybe it wouldn’t have been this bad then. Maybe then I could meet you like any other _normal_ person could have.”

A muffled sob broke from the doctor’s lips and he bit his lip hard to control himself. “I’m so sorry.”

“But I’m happy,” Jongin said, the smallest of smiles on his lips. “I thought that you had completely forgotten about me. We might not have known each other for a long time, but I was wondering if the only person I did become friends with could remember me, and you did.”

“I guess I couldn’t hate you enough to forget you. But, God, Jongin, it’s been years! So how did you…?”

“Remember you?” the tanned male asked. “I’ve never met anyone with doe-eyes like yours. Or with a smile like yours. Or the need to help others like you do. I mean, you’re still going around helping people after all.”

“But you couldn’t have possibly known that I was a psychiatrist.”

“I didn’t- until I saw you with a patient here. You had a patient her, didn’t you? A couple of months ago? It was back when I was allowed to go out of this room with this other psychiatrist I was assigned to that I saw you. At first, I was doubtful, but then afterwards, after having watched you for a few days, I decided to take my chances, and I guess I was right.”

“But still, it’s been so long since then.”

Jongin shook his head. “Just like how you were never able to forget me because you never hated me enough to do so, I guess I liked you too much to forget you, since you gave me too much to remember even in a short time.”

Kyungsoo blinked several times before he looked down. “Oh, I guess so.”

“Do you remember that question you asked me when we first met?”

Kyungsoo looked up at his patient. “What… question?”

“When you decided to call me… _pup_ … you asked me whether I wanted to call you with some other name as well.”

“Oh, yeah, I did, but you already know my name now, and you did a long time ago as well. A part of it, at least.”

“I know what the answer would have been at that time if you had asked me a second time.” Jongin suddenly said as his grip tightened around the doctor’s slender wrist.

“Huh?”

“Angel.”

Kyungsoo blinked again.

“That was the first thing that came into my head when you asked me but I kept quiet because I thought it would’ve sounded weird.”

Kyungsoo smiled widely. “Is it because I saved you from those bullies that time?”

Jongin smiled in agreement before lightly pulling at the other’s hand. “And… if you had called, at least once… then I would’ve told you what I wanted to call you then.”

Kyungsoo blinked expectantly.

“First… love.” Jongin almost whispered.

A deafening silence fell between the two before Kyungsoo finally processed the words and his eyes became twice their normal size.

“I realized when you were gone because I was wondering why it hurt me so much when you left and then I realized.” Jongin said, as he looked down and started to rub the other’s thumbs with his thumbs. “And it’s funny how not much has changed after all this time, too.”

“You… still…?” Kyungsoo stammered in a shocked voice, and Jongin merely smiled before letting go of the doctor’s hands.

Another silence settled upon the two as both remained unmoving. Jongin’s gaze fixed on his hands and Kyungsoo’s eyes fixed on the male seated in front of him.

And then suddenly, Kyungsoo felt that burst of warmth within him, something he had felt years ago. “So… I guess I wasn’t the only one, then?” He whispered hesitantly and the other looked back up at him immediately.

“What?” the tanned male breathed out.

“I said, I guess it wasn’t only me back then…”

Jongin continued to stare at the other in a frozen manner before an unreadable emotion flashed in his eyes momentarily, and then he suddenly grabbed the surprised looking doctor’s face in his hands and captured the soft, heart-shaped lips in a perfect kiss.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> I SHALL BE PROCEEDING TO JUMP OFF A CLIFF BECAUSE OMFG WHAT DAFUQ DID I JUST WRITE?!
> 
> BYE. BYE.
> 
> -DW


	17. Tainted

Kyungsoo was, to say the least, beyond shocked when the tan male pressed their lips together. When there was no response from the doctor for a few seconds, Jongin broke the kiss and scooted a bit back on the bed, eyes seeming unsure of whether he had done the wrong thing.

When the doctor hadn’t even spoken for about five seconds, Jongin cleared his throat so as to bring the doctor back from the shock. “Soo? I… sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

The apology made Kyungsoo reel back into reality and he grabbed Jongin’s shoulders. “No, no, no! It’s okay! It’s more than okay! I mean, wait… that’s not what I meant. I meant that you don’t have to apologize ‘cause I am fine with it… no, wait… that’s not-”

Jongin smiled at the stuttering doctor and held a finger to the other’s plumps lips, immediately silencing Kyungsoo who was turning a shade of red fast. “Okay then, I’m not sorry for what I did. I just couldn’t help it.”

“Ah, right… right. Okay. Good.” Kyungsoo replied flustered and stopped himself from saying anything more embarrassing and looked at the ground.

“I didn’t think you’d be that taken back though,” Jongin said, a small smirk forming on his face.

“I didn’t think you’d kiss me right now, like, this soon. I thought it would take a while,” the shorter male blurted out and immediately reddened even more.

“Oh, so you were gonna kiss me sometime then, huh? If not today, then someday?” Jongin questioned.

“Yes. Wait, what? No! No, no… yes, I… whatever.” Kyungsoo looked back at the ground.

“Okay, fine, fine.” Jongin chuckled as his eyes also traveled to the ground.

The two fell into silence and Kyungsoo fidgeted with his fingers as the silence seemed to stretch endlessly.

“So…” Kyungsoo started to say and Jongin’s head immediately snapped to face the doctor, his eyes focusing solely on the doe-eyed male.

“So…?” Jongin asked when the doctor managed to only mutter out that much.

“N-nothing.”

Jongin smiled. “You forgot what you were going to say or were you trying to break the silence?”

“The second one.” The doctor replied sheepishly.

Jongin just gave a small smile and scooted back on the bed so that he could sit up against the wall.

“So what triggered it?” Jongin asked, his eyes trained on Kyungsoo like a hawk.

“What?”

“What made you remember me?” Jongin repeated.

“Oh, well, after your session, I was with Yifan-”

“Bitch face?” Jongin asked, although he knew exactly who Kyungsoo was talking about.

“He has a name; it’s Yifan. _Doctor_ Yifan to you.” Kyungsoo said a bit sternly, and Jongin merely shrugged. Sighing, he continued, “Well, I told Yifan I was going to take a small nap while we waited for another person, and then I had a dream or something, and I remembered you, and the lollipop. When I woke up, I vaguely remembered that the lollipop you were talking about, the same brand was the one that Se-”

Kyungsoo stopped himself suddenly.

_Sehun. Oh Sehun was eating a lollipop of the same brand in the morning._

A sudden shiver ran down Kyungsoo’s spine and he wondered whether the events that had happened which helped him remember Jongin was purely coincidental or not; because it seemed too perfect for it to be coincidental. Too perfect for it all to be an accident. Too perfect for it all to fit perfectly together.

“The same brand that…?” Jongin questioned, calling out to the distracted male.

“What?” Kyungsoo asked in a lost manner, his thoughts a mess in his head.

“You said something about the same brand that… something.”

“Oh, it was the same brand that this other doctor I know was eating in the morning. I wasn’t exactly sure what the brand name was, so I immediately went digging in the garbage bin I threw the wrapper into.”

“You did _what_?” Jongin asked, looking surprised.

“Yeah, I know, crazy.” Kyungsoo laughed softly, and Jongin shook his head at the laughing male, a small, satisfied smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

The two became silent once again before Kyungsoo spoke again, clearing his throat. “So… I’ve remembered you.”

“Yes, you’ve remembered me,” Jongin repeated.

“So… what happens now?”

Jongin stared at the doctor for a few, long seconds before sighing deeply. “Now… now we can talk. Tell the other our stories. Now, you’ll break me, and then fix me.”

Kyungsoo nodded slowly, letting the words sink in. “I’ll break you, and then fix you?”

Jongin nodded.

“And what about me?”

Jongin’s brown orbs held nothing readable; they were void. “I’ll break you.”

“And fix me?”

“You’ll have to fix yourself, Soo.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It was late in the evening when Yifan called Kyungsoo. The doctor answered the phone as he reduced the fire on the stove.

"Hey, Yifan. What's up?" Kyungsoo asked as he stirred the soup slowly.

"Me? I should be the one to ask you that question," Yifan replied from the other end. "Like, what the hell, Kyungsoo? Why would you ever randomly dig around in a garbage bin so suddenly?"

Kyungsoo laughed out loudly, he could imagine the other's shocked facial expression. "Sorry if I freaked you out earlier today."

"Do you mind explaining what you were looking for in there in the first place?"

Kyungsoo grinned widely as he recalled everything that happened during the day. "I figured out what lollipop Jongin was talking about."

"Wait, what? Are you serious?" Yifan gasped.

"Yep. I actually had a small dream that time I shut my eyes as we waited for Sehun, and I remembered it all."

"Remembered what?"

"Jongin. I knew him, Yifan, I knew him when we were both kids. We were actually really good friends until things happened and I was stupid and ignorant and I slowly forgot him; or so I thought."

"Kyungsoo, explain. Like, everything."

Kyungsoo turned off the stove and sat down at the small dining table. He explained where it all began; how he had met Jongin first and had offered him the cherry flavored lollipop, how their friendship had slowly bloomed over the months, how Jongin, his mother, and Kyungsoo's mother had been involved in the unfortunate accident and only Jongin had managed to survive, how soon after the funeral Kyungsoo and his father had moved to Seoul, and how when Kyungsoo had found out about Jongin and his mother also being involved in the accident, and Jongin surviving it, he had grown a childish dislike towards Jongin because he found it unfair that his mother hadn't survived the accident.

"You hated the kid?" Yifan asked after having patiently listened to the entire story.

"I know, I know. It was so stupid, I know. But mom's death hit dad so hard that I couldn't even recognize him anymore. It completely destroyed him and... he wasn't even my dad anymore. Because if mom had survived, I wouldn't have lost dad too. I mean, he was alive... but he was like a walking corpse with no purpose. So, that's why. At that time, I hated the fact that fate was so cruel, but now, I just... I mean, it's okay. I mean, everything has happened and it's not like I can change the past but... I mean, everything is okay with me. We gotta move on, you know?"

"You still miss your mom a lot, don't you?" Yifan asked softly.

"Very much. Sometimes I wonder what the present would be like if she hadn't left us." Kyungsoo replied, smiling fondly as memories of his mother played in his head.

Yifan remained silent on the other end.

"But everything happens for a reason, so, it's not like I can change the past or the future the way I want it, right?"

"Yeah," Yifan said hesitantly.

"What's up? You sound weird suddenly." Kyungsoo noticed.

"Just... did anything else happen when you went back to his room?" Yifan asked after a moment's hesitation.

Kyungsoo froze and reddened as the memory of the kiss started playing in his head. "N-no. Not that I can think of... I mean, we just talked... and that was it," he lied.

Yifan was silent for a few seconds before he spoke again, uncertainty in his tone, "Kyungsoo, be careful, okay? Because there are things in this world that we cannot control, and... just try as much as possible to not let anything that you can't control happen. Not you too, okay?"

"Not me too?" Kyungsoo echoed.

"Just listen to me. That's all." Yifan replied, his voice suddenly hollow.

Kyungsoo debated whether to say what was on his mind or not and eventually decided to let it out. "You're talking about Tao, aren't you?"

Yifan chuckled softly. "Tao was right. I must be as clear as daylight if it was that obvious."

"What happened?" the doe-eyed male asked biting his lip.

"Nothing, Kyungsoo."

"No, Yifan. It's okay to tell me."

"But that's the thing; _nothing_ did happen. Nothing. And it hurts to know that _nothing_ is all it ever will be." Yifan sighed, pain seeping through the receiver.

"Did you even... tell him?"

"I did. I didn't even mean to; it was an accident and happened too suddenly. His parents actually came to visit him, and it hadn't gone well. I was called to his room and he was crying, and we talked and he told me about how disappointed his parents looked with the fact that he was not getting better and all and he was just... broken. Started to pull at his own hair and cry even more, hit his head, called himself a freak and all, and cried about how he was always a disappointment and how no one liked him. That was when I told him, and he said that he knew. He said he somewhat felt the same way."

"Then?"

"Nothing."

"Why?"

Yifan laughed a painful laugh, "Said he couldn't help create the happy ending that I deserved. Said that he would always be this-this... mentally ill person - this _freak_ \- who actually belongs in an asylum or institute and not anywhere else."

Kyungsoo chewed on his bottom lip. Jongin was much worse than Tao, if Yifan and Tao couldn't work, what chance did they have?

"I'm sorry." He said in a soft voice.

"Don't be. It was my fault in the first place. I should've even stopped attending to him after he said that, but that's even harder than visiting him and having nothing."

The two males fell silent, the static sometimes ringing through the receiver randomly.

"Hey, I'll hang up now," Yifan said after a while.

"Yeah, sure. I guess I'll see you tomorrow. I'm planning on talking to Joonmyeon and getting permission to at least let Jongin and I walk about the premises a bit. It's suffocating both of us."

"Hmm, okay. Well, Tao and I usually walk around the cafeteria for the patients, or he watches the television there. As long as Jongin won't try anything funny on either of us, we could see each other then?"

Kyungsoo laughed softly, "I shall hold him down, don't worry."

"Okay then."

"But Yifan, promise me one thing?" Kyungsoo asked, a mischievous smirk playing on his lips.

"Depends on what it is."

"Please don't hit or lash out at Jongin if he calls you 'bitch face', okay?"

"Excuse me?" Yifan asked sounding surprised.

"I know, I know. I've told him several times that you have a name, but he keeps referring to you as that. I mean, I don't mean to agree with him, but it's sort of true."

"That is agreeing with him," Yifan grumbled before he went silent for a moment, and then he sighed. "I'll see what I can do."

"That's good enough for me." Kyungsoo chuckled. "I'll see you tomorrow then, Yifan. Good night."

"Good night, Kyungsoo," Yifan said softly before hanging up.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kyungsoo's feet tapped excitedly against the tiles as he briskly made his way to Jongin's room from Joonmyeon's office with happy news.

He knocked on the door twice before opening it widely and stepping inside.

Jongin was spread out on the floor like a starfish and as the doctor entered, he sat upright immediately.

Kyungsoo tilted his head at his patient who was sitting cross-legged on the floor with a face that was slightly tinged red as if having been caught doing something wrong.

"What... are you doing?"

"Nothing." The tan male immediately replied.

"Really?" Kyungsoo raised a brow.

"It's a hot day. The floor is kind of cool." Jongin said nonchalantly as he spread his long legs out.

"Right," Kyungsoo said, unsure. Then as he remembered he had good news to share, he clapped his hands together and walked towards Jongin and knelt by him. "Guess what?"

Jongin tilted his head. "I don't play guessing games, doctor, so why don't you tell me instead?"

"I have good news for you, so at least try guessing?"

"Good news is something I hardly get, so if I'm to guess that right, that's near to impossible."

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. "Seriously?"

"Well, the good news I once got was a few weeks ago, and that was about you being my doctor in charge. I don't see what else can be good news for me." Jongin replies shrugging.

Kyungsoo struggled to keep a wide smile from spreading across his face. "I talked to the Head, and he said I can take you out of your room and walk around the premises. Well, not all around, just the general places for patients where there is also tight security, but still, it's better than nothing."

"You talked to him?"

"Yep. Now, do you wanna get out of this room or continue to stay here?" Kyungsoo asked smiling widely.

 

 

 

 

 

"Whoever is in charge of this place seriously needs to change the place. I'm sick of seeing white all the time," Jongin said as he looked around and was met with the white walls almost everywhere.

Kyungsoo stopped in front of a large door and looked at Jongin. "You ready?"

"It's not the gates of hell, doctor," Jongin said and proceeded to open the doors and enter, Kyungsoo trailing him from behind, his large doe eyes immediately scanning the room for any trouble that might come their way. He was observing the other doctors and patients too hard that he crashed straight into Jongin's sturdy back.

Kyungsoo jumped back with a small yelp.

"Where to, doc?" Jongin asked once he had also taken in the number of people in the room.

Kyungsoo’s eyes scanned the room and he was able to recognize two tall males in the room almost immediately. He started towards them and Jongin followed him, his eyes observing the patients they passed by slowly.

“Morning, Yifan. Morning Zitao.” Kyungsoo greeted and Jongin stopped in his tracks to avoid crashing onto the other’s back.

“Morning, Kyungsoo,” Yifan greeted back before his eyes traveled to the male behind the short doctor and his face darkened.

“Morning, doctor Do,” Tao greeted cheerily, oblivious to the dark cloud looming over Yifan’s head. He stood up from where he was seated and squinted his eyes at Jongin. “Have me… met before?”

Jongin, with his hands stuffed deep in his pockets and a chilly aura basically embracing him, looked the other patient up and down before he stared right back at Tao. “I don’t know. Did you ever get beaten up in the streets by someone who might have looked like me?”

The feline-eyed male laughed loudly which made Jongin tilt his head as he looked a bit surprised.

“Not that I recall being attacked on the streets, but I can assure you that if that had happened, you would’ve gotten beaten up and not the other way around,” Tao assured him. Yifan slowly crept towards Tao as he sensed that Jongin didn’t like being told that he could be overpowered.

Kyungsoo was also nervous at the sudden confrontation between the two and he nervously bit his lip. “Okay, Jongin, sit down. Let’s not… start anything unnecessary here.”

Jongin sat down and the others followed suit soon.

Tao sat opposite to Jongin and Yifan warily sat next to Tao, his guard up. Kyungsoo was also about to take a seat when he saw another familiar face at a table in the corner.

“Give me a minute. Oh, and Jongin?” Kyungsoo said as he got up again. “Try not do anything here, okay? Yifan, watch him for a minute.”

Yifan stared at the short doctor as if he had grown another head, but slowly nodded and Kyungsoo left.

Yifan turned to face Jongin and he could feel chills travel down his spine as his eyes caught the tanned male’s ones. When he looked at Tao, he was surprised to see Tao leaning forward on the table with his right hand supporting his chin as he was looking at Jongin with an intense stare.

Jongin sighed and looked at Tao. “Can you stop eye-raping me?”

“He’s not eye-raping you.” Yifan immediately spat back before Tao could even say anything.

“Whatever,” Jongin said and shrugged.

Kyungsoo meanwhile had walked towards Sehun who was at the table with another skinny male who had bubblegum pink hair.

“Sehun?” Kyungsoo called out and Sehun’s head snapped up.

“Doctor Do? What are you doing here? I thought you had a session with Jongin.” Sehun asked, confusion etched over his features.

“I do, but I actually got permission from the Head to allow Jongin to walk the premises and he and I came to here today. He is seated at the table over there with Doctor Wu and Tao. I actually came to ask you if you wanted to join us.”

Sehun froze for a moment before his hawk-like eyes scanned the room, and once he spotted a certain male, he bent his head down. “He’s allowed to be outside?”

“Yes. Do you want to come?” Kyungsoo asked.

“I… actually… no. I don’t feel that good. I think – Luhan,” Sehun suddenly said to the patient seated with him. “I feel sick. Do you mind if I go to the washroom?”

“Okay. Should I come along with you as well?” the male – Luhan – asked innocently.

“Y-yeah, okay.” Sehun hurriedly said and left the crowded cafeteria with Luhan trailing after him.

Kyungsoo stared at their disappearing backs and he knew. He _knew_ that there was something about Oh Sehun that just wasn’t right. That just didn’t fit in. He knew that he wasn’t just another pretty face with the brains, but with something being schemed behind that mask of his.

_I really should be careful with what I tell him, especially about Jongin. And I should probably make sure that Jongin doesn’t find out about him before I find out how he fits into whatever is going on here._

Kyungsoo then made his way back to the others. Upon approaching the table, he sensed the tension and the uncomfortable atmosphere surrounding the three males and cleared his throat loudly before sitting next to Jongin.

“So, what did I miss?” Kyungsoo said awkwardly.

“I prefer being locked up in that suffocating room for days on end than being eye-raped right now,” Jongin grumbled, throwing a look at Tao who continued to stare at him unfazed.

Yifan looked like he was about to pop a vessel as his hands formed fists under the table. “He’s not-”

“Stranger danger,” Tao whispered and Yifan became silent immediately.

“What?” Kyungsoo asked.

“I- nothing. Just a… feeling I got. It’s stupid, and probably wrong, anyway.” Tao said as he shook his head and leaned back in the seat, putting a comfortable distance between the tan male and himself.

Kyungsoo then gave a quizzical look to Yifan who in turn returned the same look.

_Stranger danger. Oh Sehun._

“Just…” Tao started and leaned forward again. “Where do you live?”

Jongin looked around the room slowly and then returned an unimpressed look at the male seated opposite to him as if saying ‘ _where else do you think I live?_ ’

“Wrong question. I meant, where did you live?” Tao corrected himself, his feline eyes boring into Jongin.

“I don’t see why I have to answer that question.” Jongin deadpanned.

Tao seemed to think about it for a while before he sighed loudly. “Okay, then in that case, I’d like to ask you whether you lived in an area near Suncheon?” Tao tried again.

Jongin blinked. Although he was surprised to hear that, his face remained stoic. On the other hand, Kyungsoo looked surprised, and that was a big enough clue for Tao.

“Okay, well, assuming that you live in Suncheon,” Tao started again. “Did you live in a house that was painted white, had a small garden, a porch in need of repairing, and an attic where there was a broken piano?”

This time, Jongin couldn’t help but be actually surprised. “How… how did you know?”

Tao smiled triumphantly. “So that’s how I know you.”

“What?” Yifan and Kyungsoo asked in unison.

“I mean, I don’t _know_ know you, but I know you. Because my family actually moved there a couple of years ago when the original tenants had moved out, and that’s how I know you.”

“That doesn’t explain anything,” Jongin growled in disbelief.

“Yes, it does. Because, if you haven’t noticed by now, I am not exactly what you call normal. I don’t know how, why or even what I am, I mean, call it a sixth sense or whatever, but you also feel the same. Like, the air around you.”

“Feel like what?”

“That house… it was… how do I say it?” Tao paused and tapped his cheek. “Let’s say… tainted. With something not right. Just… bad.”

“And where do I fit in with this?” Jongin questioned.

“Because you have also been tainted. It’s the same feeling for me.”

Jongin glared at the other male, not knowing whether to believe him or not whereas it made sense to the two doctors since they were aware of Tao and his ability. Or condition as other people liked to call it.

And if Kyungsoo had had doubts about Sehun earlier, his suspicions were more or less confirmed with the next line Tao uttered.

“And it reminds me so much of _Stranger danger_ too.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> Sehun's gonna be known soon enough, but as of now, any guesses? Anything? And also, as Soo has remembered Jongin, the psychological stuff might be toned down a bit so that the romance can be written. MAYBE. Coz I suck at writing romance but can write about death, but hey, I'm trying, ok? I'm trying not to overdo it too :)
> 
> Hope ya'll liked this chapter though, although it was veeeerrrryyyy late. Don't forget to upvote it pretty, pretty please!!! And also, feedback comments are welcome as they do inspire me :D (so shameless there, I know xD)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it once again!
> 
> Love ya'll!
> 
> -DW


	18. The Innocence Behind The Devilish Mask

“And it reminds me so much of _Stranger danger,_ too,” Tao said as he leaned back, a small smirk playing on his lips.

Yifan’s head snapped to the short doctor who inhaled deeply in a silent manner. Jongin, with his brows furrowing in confusion, looked at Kyungsoo whose eyes were twice their normal size.

“Stranger danger?” Jongin said carefully, as if the two words itself were a taboo. “What – or who, is that?”

“No one. Just this… other patient who was here… some time back. That’s all.” Kyungsoo hurriedly said and shot the other two males a look that seemed to say _stay quiet._

Yifan gave a quiet look to him whereas Tao gave a small nod and proceeded to stay quiet about it. Jongin, dissatisfied with having no answers, growled softly at the three males who were suddenly quiet.

"I asked a question before. Did none of you hear me or something?" Jongin demanded. "I asked who this stranger danger person was?"

"Just a patient, Jongin," Kyungsoo replied, a bit of a warning in his tone. Jongin looked at his doctor through narrowed eyes before he decided to drop the subject.

"Well, then, can I ask another question, then?" Jongin asked, his gaze returning to Tao who gazed at him with piercing eyes.

"Go right ahead, Jongin," Tao shrugged.

Jongin blinked once.

Twice.

"Okay, first things first, you do not call me by my name. I don't know you and I don't want you to call me by my name." Jongin stated strictly.

"Then what do you want me to call you as when I do see you?" Tao asked, raising a brow.

"We won't see each other again after today," Jongin said dryly, and Kyungsoo scoffed, nudging him in the ribs.

"Really?" The doctor asked with a small roll of the eyes.

"Hopefully."

"Okay, fine. Jeez. Grumpy much?" Tao mumbled, rolling his eyes hard and Yifan stifled a chuckle. "What did you want to ask me?"

"How did you know I lived there?"

"I told you; I sensed it. I don't know how, but it's like this 'sixth sense' I had ever since I was young. I wasn't always able to tell all the bad and the good, but to a certain extent, I felt it. And you felt that way too." Tao explained.

"So... you're basically implying that I am evil? Because you sensed it?"

"I didn't necessarily say that. I said you seem to have been _tainted_ by it. That doesn't necessarily mean that you are evil. Just a feeling around you; like your aura."

Jongin nodded slowly, as if slowly understanding what the other was saying.

Tao observed the tan male closely with his sharp, feline-like eyes before he spoke again, "You're not... like, freaked out by me?"

"Because you can sense this kind of thing?" Jongin asked, and to which the other nodded. "No. You say I'm not evil but I've killed people. Now does that freak you?"

"You had your reasons to do so."

Jongin blinked in silence. "What?"

"The kind of evil I sense... must have probably pushed you to do so, because in all that darkness, there's something else as well," Tao said, his eyes softening slightly. "Loneliness. Fear."

Jongin scoffed a beat too late. "Yeah, right. Sure."

Tao managed to give a small smile before looking at Kyungsoo with a knowing gaze.

"So, what did you do after you sensed the so-called _evil_ in the house when you moved in?"

"I could honestly bear it for about a week before I decided to set it on fire when both my parents had gone to work."

"You tried to do _what_?" Jongin asked incredulously.

"Burn it. You know, with a bit of petrol and a matchbox? Strike the match and watch the beautiful red flames engulf and destroy the persistent darkness?" Tao elaborated.

"I know how to start a fire, but you seriously tried to burn my house?"

"Yeah. No offense, though. It sucks when living there feels like it's about to push you over the edge and into an abyss of insanity." Tao shrugged.

"It sucks even more having had to live through it," Jongin mumbled.

"I'll bet. But look at you now, you're doing better." Tao smiled widely and even Kyungsoo gave the male a quizzical look.

 _What_ _makes_ _you_ _think_ _he's_ _gotten_ _better?_  Kyungsoo wondered.

"What makes you think I've gotten better?" Jongin questioned and Kyungsoo nearly choked.

"Well, okay, let me rephrase that. You'll get better as long as he-" Tao said and pointed at the doe-eyed doctor, "-is there beside you."

Kyungsoo bit his lip and couldn't help the slight blush from creeping into his cheeks. He could feel the burning stare that Yifan was giving him.

"Oh, really?" Jongin shot back, trying to keep himself together.

"You didn't look that pleased when your doctor left you here with me and Fanfan for a few minutes a while ago," Tao pointed out. "You looked more relaxed or comfortable when he came back."

"I don't like new faces," Jongin replied, shrugging. "Not like you'd be comfortable if bitchface left you here with us and went away for awhile."

"I'd say I would get along pretty well," Tao mused, making Jongin roll his eyes and mumble an almost inaudible  _whatever_. "But like I said, I guess you'd appear less of a threat to others as long as doctor Do is there."

"Well, I'd have to be less of a threat as much as possible and stay out of trouble unless I wanna go back to that wing for the crazy whackjobs," Jongin replied dryly.

Tao's eyes widened and Kyungsoo immediately straightened up. "Wait, what?" He echoed.

Jongin cocked a brow at his doctor who was staring at him in confusion. "What?"

"The wing for the who?" Kyungsoo questioned. His curiosity was burning, because if Jongin had met people who were supposedly 'crazier' than him somewhere, then there was only one place in this hospital where he did. A place which Kyungsoo had heard so much about, and stepped into only a few times in his entire life.

"You know, that part of the hospital where all the 'special cases' are?" Jongin answered slowly, confusion mirrored in his own eyes as well.

"You've been to that wing before?" The doctor asked, surprised that he didn't know anything about this before.

"I stayed there for some time, and then I was moved to the room where I am now. Did you not know about this?"

Kyungsoo shook his head and turned to look at Yifan, who looked at his lap quickly.

"Oh, well, now you do, then."

"How'd you get out then?"

"Made a deal and put on my best behavior. Wasn't that hard to do all that."

"That's not how it usually works," Kyungsoo said, a frown settling on his lips.

"When people are desperate, yes, that is how it will work."

A silence fell upon the table and Kyungsoo looked at Yifan, who stared back at him in an awkward manner, as if wanting to say something. 

"Could you both... please excuse us for a moment?" Yifan finally broke the ice, and all heads swiveled to face him.

"What?" The tan male questioned whereas Tao gave a dismissive wave and smiled at the two doctors.

Kyungsoo, brows furrowed with confusion, got up, and the two walked a bit away from the table where no one could hear them.

"Okay, I probably owe you an explanation, right?"

"You're damn right you do," the doe-eyed male said crossly. "How is it that I never knew Jongin had stayed in that special wing? Like, there was nothing like that in his paper, and neither did you, nor the Head, tell me. Why?"

"Well, you were still very much new to this field, so Joonmyeon thought that you shouldn't know about it, if you did, then obviously you'd know how serious it was and all that. I guess we didn't really think that Jongin would open up to anyone, even you, to be able to talk so... freely."

"And he got out by making a deal and being good? What was that about? What was the deal?"

"You."

Kyungsoo blinked repeatedly, wondering if he had misheard Yifan. "Excuse me?"

"You were the deal. You, and the condition that he wanted to switch to a normal ward since he couldn't manage to stay with the other patients."

"Whom did he even make this deal with? The Head?"

"Yeah, said that he should make you his Psychiatrist if he is to get one, and to switch his room."

"And he actually listened to Jongin?"

"At first he didn't, that was when the whole hurting his doctors' thing started. He was just... uncontrollable. And then Joonmyeon decided to accept his deal, but Jongin had to prove that he could actually not harm anyone anymore for a month before his conditions were met."

"So that was the deal and the good behavior he showed?"

"Yes. To be honest, none of the doctors could believe it at first, it was as if he was a completely different person."

Kyungsoo became silent, slowly absorbing everything.  _So that's where Jongin must've seen me; when he was in that wing._

"But I still don't get how he knew you and recognized you to do all this," Yifan said, scratching the back of his head, and the shorter male chuckled.

"That's where he saw me, in that wing where he initially was, and also when he was allowed to roam around a bit even though he was in that wing."

"Saw you in that wing?"

"Yeah, I was still new and this other experienced Psychiatrist took care of me during my stay here and taught me some stuff. At that time, he had to also tend to a patient in the special wing, and I also went with him, and that's where Jongin must've seen me. But then he said that he also saw me when he roamed around a bit with one of his previously assigned Psychiatrists." 

"Oh, so that's how it was. But how on earth did he even know it was you? Years have passed since the two of you last saw each other, right?"

"I have no clue. I am also still baffled by how he managed to recognize me." Kyungsoo smiled widely.

"By the way, where did you go before? When you left Jongin with us?" Yifan questioned.

"I saw Sehun at another table and wanted to check if he wanted to join us. He was with his patient."

"And? What happened?"

"He disappeared. He said he suddenly felt sick or something and both he and his patient left."

Yifan seemed to think for a moment. "You think Tao might actually be onto something? I mean, he himself said that sometimes he might be wrong, but with all what happens with that boy, I'm starting to believe Tao."

"To be honest, I also had my doubts at first, but I think Tao is right with whatever it is that he senses or knows. All I know is that Sehun rattles me to no end and that I need to be cautious of what I tell him."

"In all honesty, I think he should also come and stay at this hospital. If Tao doesn't feel comfortable around him, I'm not gonna feel any better," Yifan said, chuckling. "Anyways, come on, I think we've been away for too long. Need to make sure that a war won't break out between those two while we are gone."

"Says the one who brought me here in the first place," Kyungsoo grinned.

"It feels... different around Jongin. Like, I don't have this foreboding feeling around him anymore. I'm honestly shocked. I don't know what it is that you're doing, Soo, but keep it up, because it's working magic, I can tell." 

When the two doctors reached the table, Jongin let out a sigh of relief. "I think I'd like to go back to my room if you don't mind."

Kyungsoo smiled, "Of course. Let's go. Bye, Tao. See you later, Yifan."

"Goodbye, bitchface number one-" Jongin said as he gave a curt nod at Yifan, "and number two," as he gave another nod at Tao, who smiled widely.

"Bye-bye, Jongin! See you soon!" Tao replied in an overly cheerful voice, which the tanned male ignored.

"Out of all the people, doctor, you had to make me meet them?" Jongin asked in a slightly annoyed tone once they were out of the cafeteria and walking down an almost empty hallway.

"Don't be so rude; they are nice people."

Jongin scoffed, "I beg to differ."

"It's all a matter of perspective, I'd say, but give it some time, they'll grow on you. Eventually."

"What did you talk with him anyway? You were gone for awhile."

"Doctor Yifan? Well, about how I had no clue about you having been in the other wing before, and also how the hell you still managed to recognize me after all these years."

"Well, like I said before, I don't think I could forget your eyes even if I tried to, and I'm quite surprised you didn't know it, too."

"Apparently the Head didn't want me to know, that's why."

"Oh," Jongin mumbled. "Why not?"

"I started to officially work as a Psychiatrist not that long ago. I don't have a lot of experience yet, so they didn't want to tell me that my patient was from the special wing, in case that would unsettle me."

"But you tended to a patient in that wing where I saw you, didn't you?"

"I did have a patient here, but it wasn't at that wing. I visited the special wing with another Psychiatrist who had a patient there and was also in charge of me at that time."

Jongin nodded. Once they reached his room, he quickly stepped forward and opened the door. Stepping in first, he held the door open and motioned for the doctor to also come in.

Kyungsoo glanced at his wristwatch and bit his lip. "Our time is almost up, the bell will ring any moment now, so I'll just-"

Jongin grabbed the doctor's wrist and pulled him in, shutting the door behind him. "Our time is  _almost_  up, so stay with me till it is up."

As if on cue, the bell rang outside. Jongin's brows furrowed together and he cursed, making the doctor laugh out loud, "Fucking hell, I didn't mean it in the literal sense."

"Well, I guess-"

"One question." Jongin interrupted the doctor.

"Yes?"

"Who is this...  _stranger danger_  person?" 

"Just... another patient we have. No one important." Kyungsoo managed to blurt out. "Why?"

"Nothing, just... wondering why this  _person_  made you become so flustered before and even now."

"He's no one, don't worry."

Jongin seemed to ponder for a little while before he blurted out, "Is he competition?"

"What?" Kyungsoo asked confused.

"If it's someone going after what's mine, I swear that things are not gonna be pretty."

It took the doctor a few seconds to grasp what he was saying, but once he did, his heart melted with awe.

_Under all that cold attitude and impenetrable mask, there is almost a childlike innocence in Jongin; that fear of losing something or someone that he adored, that he loved. It's amazing how the fear of losing someone precious, or even love, can make the mask he insists on wearing fall off at times._

Kyungsoo couldn't help the smile that broke out on his face. "No, he's not competition. No, he won't take me away from you. No, he will never be better than you for me, okay?"

Jongin silently searched in the doctor's brown eyes before he sighed.

"Trust me, the first day I met you, I was wondering what was wrong with me because my heart was racing at the sight of you and at how physically close we were then. I was wondering how it was possible for that to happen when I just got to know you, but now I realize that it was me falling all over again for the boy I fell for when we were young. Like how I fell for you the first day we met when we were children; when I saved you that day. It was the same thing and the same person all over again." The doctor reassured him.

Jongin looked down at the floor, but Kyungsoo didn't miss the way the corners of his mouth slightly tilted up, nor the slight red tinge that was present at the tips of his ears.

"Well, you better go now, then," Jongin said, his voice slightly soft. His eyes darted from the doctor's eyes to his lips repeatedly before his hands enveloped the other's face.

Upon instinct, Kyungsoo closed his eyes tightly, waiting for the sparks to fly. Jongin paused, his lips hovering close to the other's plump, pink ones, and he smiled at how tightly the doctor's eyes were closed.

Kyungsoo felt hot breath on his nose before he felt a pair of lips softly peck the tip of his nose, before the hands on his face tilted his head down and a soft kiss was placed on his forehead.

His eyes opened to see Jongin staring down at him with a smile. "I'll see you soon, Soo."

Kyungsoo managed to give a weak smile amongst the rush of butterflies in his stomach, and he gave a small wave before he left the room, his face a bright red color.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> Like I said... I suck at writing lovey-dovey stuff :'D
> 
> Well, I shall still be eternally grateful if you still enjoyed it and still like it as much as you used to ♡♡
> 
> Don't forget to upvote if you haven't, and your comments mean everything to me! :D
> 
> I'll see ya'll in another chapter! ^~^
> 
> Love ya'll! 
> 
> -DW


	19. Promise

Kyungsoo was cheerfully humming to himself as he scanned the snacks on the display at the cafeteria when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see a smiling Yifan behind him.

"Hello!" Kyungsoo greeted happily, a smile blossoming on his face.

"Hey. Hungry?" Yifan asked with a chuckle.

"Starving, actually," he replied as he turned around to order. "Are you gonna get yourself anything?"

"Yup. I need a coffee right about now," Yifan said as he gave his order to a girl behind the cashier, and paid.

"Me too," Kyungsoo laughed, walking over to the cashier. "One cup of coffee, and two egg sandwiches, please."

Once the short doctor also paid and got his food, the two made their way to an empty table and sat down.

"You still have your session with Jongin today?" Yifan suddenly asked the other who was munching down on his sandwich.

Kyungsoo blinked. 

_Was he not supposed to?_

"Umm, yeah? Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. I mean, I thought you didn't since I saw Jongin being taken somewhere in the morning when I was here. You didn't see him?"

"No. Maybe it was when I was with a patient then. I have another patient in the morning."

"Oh, okay." Yifan nodded, as he slowly took a sip of coffee.

"Where did they take him?"

"I don't know. I just saw two people and this doctor who I know, who tends to patients in the special wing, with him, and they all boarded this white car and left."

"There was nothing on the car either? Something that might've hinted where he would've been taken to?" Kyungsoo asked, worry slowly starting to creep into his system.

"No, nothing," Yifan said, brows furrowed as he tried to recall all the details of the morning.

Kyungsoo looked down at his sandwich and put it down on the plate, suddenly not hungry.

"But then it must not be anything of importance if your session today wasn't canceled or anything," the blonde doctor hurriedly said, reading the situation of the other.

Although Kyungsoo couldn't shake off the weird feeling in his stomach, he weakly hummed in agreement, "Yeah, probably."

Silence ensued after the short conversation, and seeing the way the shorter male wasn't touching his food and just staring at it with a distant look, Yifan wanted to bang his head on the table for not having kept his mouth shut.

"Kyungsoo?"

"Hmm?" The other asked, looking back up.

"Eat. It's probably nothing to worry about, so, eat. Your session starts in twenty minutes." Yifan reassured him with a small smile.

"Yeah, okay," came the reply, before slow, munching sounds commenced. 

"By the way," the shorter spoke up with slightly puffed cheeks, "didn't you give those building blocks stuff to Tao some time back? How did it go?"

Yifan rolled his eyes and let out a tired sigh. "That... brat. He placed a pile of them under the sheets and told me to sit down on the bed with him. I couldn't feel my ass for about ten minutes."

Kyungsoo nearly choked on the sandwich with laughter. "Oh, God, really?"

"Yeah. So I took them back."

"Aw, now he doesn't have anything."

"Well, I kinda gave them back again, 'cause he looked really sad when I took it away, but then again it was after I told him not to do that again."

"So he doesn't do that to you anymore?"

"Oh, no, he does; he just doesn't place them under the sheets. I don't know how he manages it, but he sneaks some in sometimes into my back pocket. I only realized when I yelped and jumped in the bus as soon as I took a seat." Yifan grumbled, making the other laugh loudly.

"He's quite the prankster, isn't he?" Kyungsoo chuckled as he brushed his hands and then took a sip of his drink.

"Tell me about it," Yifan grumbled under his breath, but with a fond smile on his lips. "And by the way, are you and Jongin going to come to the cafeteria today as well? I just wanted to let you know that today Tao usually goes to visit the dogs."

"Oh, I don't know. It depends on what he wants. Last time he did complain and asked me why on earth we had to meet you and Tao out of all the people in the hospital, although I do believe he did like talking with the two of you. He's not one to speak what he wants or feels most of the time."

"Tell me something I don't know," Yifan sighed. "That boy has been something else from the first day here. Thank God you are here."

Kyungsoo smiled softly before he finished the last bit of his coffee and looked at his wristwatch. "It's almost time, shall we go?"

Yifan nodded and got up. Throwing away the plastic cups and the plate, the two went to get ready for their sessions.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kyungsoo, upon arriving at the room, knocked on the door and waited for a few seconds before he opened it and entered inside. He blinked in surprise to see that there was no one else besides him in the room.

"Jongin?" He called out as if expecting the tanned male to answer him from somewhere.

Kyungsoo dwindled about a bit around the room before a thought occurred to him. He remembered that once Jongin had been showering and he had been late to their session, so he decided to check the washrooms for the patients.

Timidly knocking on the door again, he entered the quiet washroom.

"Jongin?" He called out softly. "Are you in here?"

He checked every single showering cubicle to find them all empty before his brows furrowed in confusion.

_Yifan said he went out in the morning, is he still not back or something? Where did he even go that he is still not back? Why wasn't I informed if I was not having any session with him today?_

Kyungsoo walked out and decided to visit Joonmyeon and ask him regarding the matter, his mind a muddled mess.

"Ah, doctor Do, what brings you here?" The Head asked with a smile once Kyungsoo entered the room.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, doctor, but I am supposed to have my session with Jongin today and he's not in the room. Is there anything wrong?"

"Oh?" Joonmyeon asked in surprise. "He's not there? He should've been back about fifteen minutes ago or so." Just as he said that, the phone on the table rang loudly. "Excuse me while I take this call, doctor Do." 

He listened for a few seconds before nodding. "Okay, okay, thank you. I'll need a report on what happened then," he said into the receiver before hanging up.

"Sorry, but it seems that Jongin arrived just a few minutes ago, so he must be in his room by now."

"Oh, okay, but may I ask where he was?" Kyungsoo asked biting his lip nervously, wondering whether he was crossing a line.

Joonmyeon stared at the other male for a few seconds before he sighed loudly, "I'm sorry, doctor Do, but I have been requested to keep this information as confidential. I'm afraid I cannot disclose anything further as of now."

Kyungsoo nodded in an understanding manner, thanked the Head, and made his way to Jongin's room.

Once again, facing his patient's door, he knocked cautiously before entering the room, this time to find Jongin staring out the small barred window.

"Jongin?" The doctor called, and the other slowly turned around, his lips slowly curving up into a small, relieved looking smile when his eyes settled upon the doe-eyed male.

Kyungsoo's brows furrowed in worry as Jongin's smile didn't seem to reach his eyes; it was too forced and too empty. There wasn't even a shred of malice in it. He slowly walked over to the tanned male.

Jongin fully turned to face the doctor when they were standing side-by-side.

"Did you wait too long?" He asked, his tone sounding almost tired.

"Not really," Kyungsoo answered. "I was just wondering where you were, and was wondering if we weren't meeting today."

"Okay."

A few moments of silence passed with Jongin's eyes focused on the other's face in a dazed manner. 

Kyungsoo cleared his throat, "So, where were you?"

A tired sigh escaped Jongin's lips after more silence, and then he took a few steps forward and wrapped his arms around the shorter male, burying his face in the crook of Kyungsoo's neck.

"Just... out. Nothing important," came the muffled reply after awhile.

Kyungsoo broke away from the hug, and cupped the other's cheek, worry etched on his features. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I am now, don't worry. I'm just tired after having been out the entire morning, that's all." Jongin reassured.

"Hey, you know you can tell me anything, right?" 

"Of course, Soo, I know."

Kyungsoo caressed Jongin's cheek softly before pulling him into another hug, nuzzling his head into the other's chest. They remained that way for a few moments before pulling away after a knock on the door.

A caretaker stepped in with a stack of neatly folded clothes and a towel. 

"Kim Jongin, you can go wash up now if you want," he said, nodding curtly at the doctor.

"I'll be back soon," Jongin said to Kyungsoo before following the caretaker out.

Kyungsoo pondered for a few seconds before heading out as well, catching up to the two fast.

"I'll go with him," the doctor said boldly, nodding at the tanned male. "You can go."

The caretaker seemed to hesitate for a moment. "Doctor, I understand that your patient is late for his session, but I'll make sure to bring him back to his room within twenty minutes at the latest."

"No, it's okay, but let me go with him. You can go do whatever you have to do, you don't have to worry about me; I'll be fine."

The caretaker looked between the doctor and the patient, unsure of what to do. 

Jongin took the clothes and the towel from the caretaker' hands and nodded, "He'll be fine; he said so himself."

"It's okay, trust me. I'm his doctor after all," Kyungsoo reassured the man, and finally smiled when the other gave in.

"Let's go, Doc," Jongin said, and walked off.

"Thank you," the short male said, and turned around, only to be stopped by he caretaker.

"Doctor, if you need any help or anything, shout for help or something. I'll be right outside the washroom if you need me to," the caretaker said, worry painted all over his features.

Kyungsoo smiled softly as he waved a dismissive hand. "Don't worry, really. I'll be fine. He won't do anything to me."

The other male sighed before slowly nodding, "Okay, doctor."

"Thank you, once again."

The caretaker smiled before leaving in the other direction. Kyungsoo made his way to Jongin who had stopped and waited for the doctor once he had realized he wasn't there beside him.

"What did he say?" Jongin asked.

"He wanted to stand guard outside the bathroom in case you decided to do something to me," the shorter male explained with a small laugh.

"Why are you laughing? I might do something to you, you never know," Jongin said, raising a brow.

"Oh yeah, then what will you do?" Kyungsoo asked jokingly.

"How about... you?" Jongin replied teasingly, with a smirk playing on his lips. The doctor immediately felt the blood rush to his face and he turned a bright shade of red.

"S-shut up." He mumbled weakly, quickly entering the washroom once they had arrived and facing the ground to keep his face hidden.

Jongin chuckled behind the doctor.

"So, are you going to stay here or wait outside?"

Kyungsoo bit his bottom lip nervously, "Erm, I think I'll wait-"

"Okay, you can stay here, I swear I won't do anything to you," Jongin interrupted. The doe-eyed male stared at the other for a moment before nodding in agreement.

After placing his folded fresh clothes on the wash basin counter, Jongin headed into a cubicle and locked the door. Throwing his towel, and shortly afterward his clothes, the sound of running water filled the silent bathroom.

After some time, the shower was turned off and Kyungsoo could smell the strong scent of shower gel invading his senses.

"Jongin?" Kyungsoo called, since there was just silence and he was sure the other could hear him.

"Hmm?" Came the soft hum from behind the locked cubicle door.

"How bad was it today?" He asked, only to be met with a long stretch of silence.

"What do you mean, Soo?"

"I saw you, Jongin. You may have smiled or laughed in front of me, and also teased me as usual, but I  _saw_  you. Something was not right. Can you tell me?"

"You're right, something isn't right; it's wrong. Very, very wrong. And I can tell you, just not yet, because I don't want to make you worry nor give you false information. So, just wait a bit, Soo. Hopefully, in a while, everything will turn out to be fine."

Kyungsoo pouted in a disappointed manner. "Okay, but you have to tell me as soon as you can, okay?"

"Okay."

"Promise?"

There was silence from the other side, and then the shower was running again, drowning out all other noises.

A few more minutes passed before there was silence again, with Jongin drying himself off, and later walking out of the cubicle with the towel wrapped lowly around his waist.

Kyungsoo forced himself to tear his eyes off of the perfectly sculpted chest and look at the other's face. Jongin strode towards the doctor who had managed to take a seat on the counter and grabbed his right arm, hooking their pinky fingers together.

"I promise," he said.

"Huh?" A bewildered pair of doe eyes looked at the half-naked male in surprise.

"I promise that I'll tell you as soon as I can," Jongin repeated, smiling when he realized that the other was soon blushing.

"O-oh, oh, yeah, okay. Good." Kyungsoo stuttered, his eyes soon falling on the hooked fingers. A slow smile appeared on his face as memories played in his head. "We used to do this."

Jongin also looked at the hooked fingers and broke into a smile, "Yeah, we used to, didn't we?"

Kyungsoo's smile transformed into a sad look, "Yeah, but I broke the last one. I remember promising you that I would contact you after I had moved, but I didn't."

Jongin brought his other hand up and poked the other's cheek, "But somehow, you came back to me; and that's all that matters, okay?"

The heart-shaped smile that Jongin loved was back on Kyungsoo's face. "Okay, but this time, I promise that I'm never going to leave your side, and I mean it."

"But I might not be able to make such a promise right now," Jongin murmured under his breath, his voice barely audible.

"Hmm?"

"I know. I know you won't leave me." Jongin quickly said, and then gave a quick peck to the other. Kyungsoo once again blushed, and then quickly got down from the counter to face the wall so Jongin could change into his clothes.

"So," Kyungsoo started to say after clearing his throat, "Even if you lost the two people who could've saved you, at least you got one of them back."

"Huh?" Jongin asked from behind him.

"You told me one time that there were two people who you cared for and those two people could've saved you, but they didn't. And that one of them turned into a monster, and the other left you."

"Yeah, but what does that have to do with you?" Jongin asked, walking around to face the doctor, now fully clothed.

"Your dad, he was the one who turned into a monster as you said, right?"

"Yeah."

"And I'm the one who left."

Jongin remained silent. "I cared for you, I really did. I mean, I  _loved_  you, but you were long gone and I knew I wouldn't ever hear from you even before things became worse in my life."

"Wait, then it wasn't me, was it?"

Jongin shook his head. "No, it wasn't you."

"Then, who was it?" Kyungsoo asked, his curiosity reaching its peak.

"He... I cared for him and loved him as well, a lot, and he was there... with me and for me when everything was turning out to be horrible, but then he also left."

Kyungsoo raised a questioning brow, "I wasn't aware that there was someone else with you during that time. No information regarding such a person was stated anywhere."

"I know. I never told anyone; I chose not to," Jongin said, looking down at the floor, his eyes filled with indescribable sadness. "If I did, they'd probably search the ends of the earth for him, and then he'd be known as having known the criminal Kim Jongin. I couldn't possibly bring myself to do that to him, even if he did leave me."

"Jongin, I promise I won't tell anyone, so who was it?"

Jongin looked into Kyungsoo eyes for the longest time, debating whether to tell or not. Finally, he gave in with a long sigh.

"Sehun," Jongin said, his voice slightly cracking with the pain and sadness mixed in his tone. "His name was Sehun."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> I am back with a chapter after a long time... as usual :'D
> 
> And this time... BUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! SURPRISE!!!
> 
> How was it? Or shall I ask, how was the end? ;)
> 
> I sure do hope this chapter was still good enough after the long absence :')
> 
> I am really looking forward to the theories you might have now. Let me know how you think Sehun fits into all this :D
> 
> Also, don't forget to comment and upvote as they always make me warm, bubbly, and happy, and also motivates me to try my best to give you hopefully good quality chapters and an overall enjoyable story ^~^
> 
> Love ya'll!
> 
> -DW


	20. Why Apologize...?

“Sehun,”Jongin said, his voice slightly cracking with pain and sadness mixed in his tone. “His name was Sehun.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened and jaw dropped open in shock.

_It… it can’t be the same Sehun, can it?_

Kyungsoo was lucky enough that Jongin’s eyes were averted to the floor and completely missed his shocked expression which could have given away everything and probably have started some unwanted questions and possible misunderstandings.

Slowly, as Jongin’s eyes rose up to meet the doctor’s, Kyungsoo struggled to regain his composure as soon as possible and force a neutral expression onto his face.

“Are you okay?” Jongin asked, a quizzical look crossing his face.

“Yeah, why?” Kyungsoo asked almost immediately.

_Damn it! Don’t give anything away!_

“I… nothing. You just reacted differently than I thought you would have. Since I told you his name when I’ve been cautious not to all this time.” Jongin explained, shrugging.

“Ah, well, I am quite surprised, but I can keep secrets, Jongin. I won’t tell anybody,” Kyungsoo replied, smiling weakly.

“I know, that’s why I told you.” The taller male sighed.

“What happened to him though? You said he left you as well?”

“Well, yeah, he left me. I don’t know why he did; he promised he wouldn’t. I don’t even know whether he is dead or alive at this moment, but I hope, that going away had been the best for him, and that if he’s alive, he moved on from everything and left me in the past; where I belong.” Jongin said with a sad, empty smile on his lips.

The wheels in Kyungsoo’s head were turning. _I better not ask him anything yet or else he might become suspicious. I’ll have to have a talk with Oh Sehun himself._

Kyungsoo wiped his sweaty palms on his coat and coughed awkwardly. “You know I’m here for you if you need to talk about anything, don’t you?” he asked, to which Jongin nodded. “Good. Well, if you’re done here, we can leave now.”

Jongin sighed softly before wrapping the towel around his neck and picking up his clothes in his hands. The two walked back to Jongin's room in silence, with Kyungsoo stealing a glance of the other occasionally, who was looking down at the floor with a frown on his face. Kyungsoo opened the door and motioned the other to go inside, and Jongin mindlessly entered the room, dumped his clothes and the towel on the table and fell onto the bed on his stomach.

Kyungsoo silently padded his way to the other male and sat down on the edge of the bed. Hesitantly, he reached out a hand and started to gently stroke the other’s back in a comforting manner.

“I don’t what happened to you today, or how much of a bad day it’s been for you that you feel and look this way,” Kyungsoo started to say slowly, “but you know I’m always here if you need anyone to talk to, right? It doesn’t matter what it’s about, I’m here, okay?”

Jongin breathed in deeply and let it out before sitting cross-legged and facing the doctor, making the doctor withdraw his hand.

“Thank you, Soo,” Jongin smiled weakly.

Then, he scooted closer to the doctor and pushed him to sit closer to the edge of the bed before straightening himself up and laying his head on the doctor’s lap. Kyungsoo remained as stiff as a board due to shock, even when Jongin took his left hand and started playing with and caressing his fingers. Only after a while did he loosen up, and he too started playing with Jongin’s damp hair.

“This,” Jongin started, “us being like this… it makes me happy and feel more at ease. So, thank you, too.”

The shorter male couldn’t help but smile. “Of course, Jongin.”

They remained that way for a few minutes before there was a loud knock on the door. Kyungsoo got up so abruptly and pushed the tan male off of his lap so hard that the other fell face first onto the floor. Nearly tripping over the fallen body, the flustered doctor staggered quickly towards the door.

"Yes?" He breathed out, recognizing the caretaker from before.

"I came to take away the clothes and the towel, doctor."

"Oh, just a second," Kyungsoo replied, and hurriedly picked up the pile of materials and handed it over to the caretaker.

"Thank you, doctor. Have a nice day." The man said before leaving.

"You're welcome, and you too," Kyungsoo replied softly before shutting the door and breathing out heavily. He turned to look at Jongin and saw the male seated on the bed with a sly smirk playing on his lips.

"You didn't have to push me off, you know?"

"I panicked. Sorry," he replied bashfully, turning red once again. "Why don't we... take a walk again today?"

Jongin chuckled before getting up. "Ok. Whatever you want to do, Soo. I'll just follow you."

The two left the room, with the shorter male walking in the lead towards the cafeteria. Kyungsoo spotted an empty table at a far corner and walked over to it with the other man in tow.

After taking a seat, the two looked around the cafeteria which wasn’t all that crowded with doctors and patients.

“Where’s bitchface?” Jongin asked after having scanned the room.

Kyungsoo grinned from one ear to the other. “Missing them already?” He teased with a smile.

Jongin shrugged and turned to face the doctor. “Not at all.”

“Whatever you say, Jongin,” the doctor smiled.

Jongin just continued to look at the people in the cafeteria while Kyungsoo started drumming his fingers on the table, his head a flurry of questions. Sehun was not to be seen in the cafeteria so he didn’t have to worry about Jongin spotting him and recognizing him. Now he was wondering if it was okay for him to question his patient about Sehun.

“Hey, Jongin?” Kyungsoo started nervously, and Jongin’s snapped towards the doctor. “Can we talk about what you said earlier? About that person called Sehun whom you mentioned?”

Jongin bit his bottom lip hesitantly and hesitated for the longest of times.

“I won’t tell anyone anything if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“But you’ll have to, right? I mean, they do ask you about the progress and everything, don’t they?”

“They do, but they understand privacy as well. So, it’s okay. I won’t let anyone know,” Kyungsoo promised with a soft smile.

Jongin seemed to contemplate a little more before sighing and giving in. “What do you want to know?”

“How you met and all that. Who and what sort of a person he is. Everything that you know about him.”

“I met him… roughly two, or two and a half years after you left, I was around… ten years old at that time. At first I really, really despised him, and I didn’t even have a specific reason to feel that way, but I just did. But after, like, almost a year, we became close. He was really kind, patient, and helpful; was always there for me whenever I needed someone. I can’t say I was like that towards him in the beginning, but he never complained about the way I treated him and remained indifferent no matter what I was like.”

Kyungsoo was starting to wonder whether the Sehun Jongin knew was different from the one Kyungsoo knew. It sounded like two completely different people. Sure, Kyungsoo didn’t know Sehun all that much, but after a while of having spent time with the male, with Tao acting weird around him, and the coincidence of Jongin also knowing a person called Sehun, he got chills running down his spine every time he thought of Sehun.

“Okay,” Kyungsoo said, trying to fully digest the unexpected information of Sehun. “Continue.”

“I knew him for about…” Jongin paused, crinkling his brows as he thought. “I think, six years?”

“So you were sixteen then.”

“Yeah, but I was close to turning seventeen if I remember right,” Jongin replied softly nodding, still in thought.

“I see. You knew him for a long time, then,” Kyungsoo said, feeling a little pang of jealousy.

“Yeah. Yeah, I sure did,” the other said with a smile on his lips.

“What happened to you two after those six years?” the doctor prodded on.

“He… disappeared.” Came the flat reply.

“Disappeared? What do you mean?”

“He ran away, and that’s the last I heard of him.” There seemed to be an unidentifiable sadness in the tan male’s eyes as he explained.

“Ran away?” Kyungsoo questioned. For some reason, Sehun didn’t appeal as a person who would have done something like that as a child to Kyungsoo, but then again, he never knew him either. “Do you know why he ran away?”

“No, I don’t. It was, like, one day he was there next to me, and the next… he was gone. Just like that. No explanation, nothing. I was told nothing and kept in the dark. I thought he'd have had enough of me and did it. If it was that, it’s understandable, I guess. I must have burdened him quite a lot.” Jongin sighed tiredly. “But if they had told me that I was actually a burden to him, even if it was a lie, I’d have hated him less for leaving me.”

Kyungsoo raised a brow in confusion. “They? Who are you talking about?”

“Oh, my parents.”

“Wait, _parents_?” Kyungsoo questioned. “Your mom… died in the accident.”

“My dad remarried after about two years or so,” Jongin replied unamusedly.

The wheels in Kyungsoo’s head were turning and it was starting to give him a headache. The sheet of information about Jongin that Kyungsoo had read had stated that two adults were murdered.

_So, it was his father and his step-mother._

His father had remarried after two years.

_Then…?_

“Jongin, what exactly was your relationship with Sehun? A friend or…?”

Jongin shook his head slightly, his lips downturned the slightest. “No, he’s – no, he _was_ – my brother; step-brother.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened in surprise at the shocking information.

_They are step-brothers… this was not something I saw coming. Not by a long shot._

Kyungsoo’s head was now filled with even more questions than before.

_What’s Sehun doing here, then? What does he want? Why did he come to where Jongin is now if he ran away years ago from him?_

“So, he was your step-mother’s son… and your brother…” Kyungsoo repeated softly.

“Yeah. Probably the only good thing that happened to me after my dad’s dreadful marriage,” Jongin spat, his tone bitter.

Kyungsoo fell silent afterwards, and Jongin, noticing that the doctor was deep in thought, decided to remain quiet and give him some time to process it all. After a few minutes had passed, the doctor’s train of thoughts was interrupted by loud sounds coming from right outside the cafeteria.

Both male’s heads snapped towards the cafeteria doors which were flung open and a screaming patient barged his way in. He continued to run around while bumping into tables and knocking over chairs, and the doctor’s behind him were struggling to catch him.

Kyungsoo immediately sprang up from his seat and ran towards the out of control patient, pushing aside other panicked patients and leaping over knocked over chairs.

“Soo! Where are you going? It’s dangerous! Wait! Soo!” Jongin yelled desperately over the chaos and ran after the short male who seemed to have disappeared in the blink of an eye.

“Jongin! Don’t do anything!” He heard the doctor’s voice from somewhere in the mayhem, and he immediately broke into a sprint in that direction.

“Calm down, Eunhyuk! We’re not going to hurt you, okay? Please, we just want to help, so why don’t you come with us?” One of the two doctor’s yelled loudly, grabbing the patient’s attention.

“No! No, leave me alone! You don’t want to help me! You’re just going to insert those scary needles in my arms again! Leave me be!” Eunhyuk yelled, pausing for a moment.

In that split second, he was surrounded by about six doctors with no way out. Kyungsoo, who happened to be the closest to him, took a step closer to him. Jongin, who could now see everything unfolding, held his breath, as if ready for something that might go terribly wrong.

“Eunhyuk? Your name is Eunhyuk, right?” Kyungsoo asked warmly, and Eunhyuk, who was crying profusely, nodded. “Eunhyuk, I’m doctor Do. I can promise you I won’t hurt you, ok? I just need you to calm down and talk to me.”

“Th- they are going to stick those needles into my arms again and I don’t want them to,” he cried, his body trembling.

“Okay, Eunhyuk, I understand. You must be really scared of them; I understand,” Kyungsoo said as he slowly, but carefully, closed the gap between them. He got a hold of the other’s arm and patted his back in a comforting manner.

“Don’t worry, I understand. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay, alright? You trust me, right?” Kyungsoo continued to speak in a calm manner as he slowly eyed the two doctors who had come running after the patient.

“Hmm,” the other said, still crying.

“Doctor-” Kyungsoo said softly, and the two took a step forward. But Eunhyuk having sensed it, started screaming again.

“No!” He yelled, grabbing Kyungsoo by his clothing. Kyungsoo was shocked at the patient’s strength and struggled to balance himself as he was violently pushed back. “No, no, NO!”

With the last scream, Eunhyuk pushed the unstable doctor, and Kyungsoo tripped over a chair and crashed hard onto the cold floor, causing all hell to break loose.

When Kyungsoo managed to sit up, Eunhyuk was on the floor trying to protect himself from the barrage of blows raining down on him. A lump formed in Kyungsoo’s throat when he realized it was Jongin. Gritting his teeth as pain broke out across his back, Kyungsoo forced himself up and ran to Jongin.

“Jongin! Stop! Please, stop!” Kyungsoo begged as he gripped the male, who continued to attack the man under him.

“JONGIN!” Kyungsoo yelled and tugged at the other. “STOP IT! STOP RIGHT NOW!”

Suddenly, Jongin got up and pushed Kyungsoo out of the way without even looking at him. “STAY THE FUCK AWAY!”

Kyungsoo stumbled, and unfortunately smashed his head at one of the corners of a table and fell to his knees groaning in pain.

Wincing in pain, Kyungsoo struggled to his feet and staggered his way towards Jongin once again.

Pushing past the other doctors who were trying to pry Jongin off of Eunhyuk, he knelt down next to his patient whose momentum had slowed down, and grabbed the angry man and pulled him with all his might.

As soon as Eunhyuk was freed, the other doctors picked him up and hurriedly and took him away before Jongin could do any more damage.

Jongin, who was lying on top of his doctor, was frozen stiff.

“Jongin, it’s me. Please, stop.” Kyungsoo said, grabbing the other’s face in his hands.

The remaining doctors quickly separated Jongin from Kyungsoo and restricted him from moving much, although he did not attempt to free himself.

Kyungsoo slowly got up and looked at the doctors holding onto Jongin. “It’s okay, he’s my patient. I’ll handle him. I’m sorry for the inconvenience caused and for his behaviour, I’ll take care of him from now on.”

The doctors, although hesitant at first, slowly released Jongin, and the male slowly made his way to Jongin.

“You better get that wound treated, doctor. It doesn’t look that good.” One of the doctors said.

Kyungsoo’s brows furrowed in confusion, but when Jongin brushed his fingers gently near his right temple and brought down his blood-stained hand, he understood.

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo bowed. Taking Jongin’s hand in his, he turned to leave.

Silently, they made their way to Jongin’s room. Once inside, Kyungsoo basically had to guide the shocked man to sit on the bed.

Kyungsoo felt the side of his head and felt blood continue to trickle down. Sighing, he squatted in front of the seated male.

“Let’s end it here for today. I need to treat this wound and it seems to be bleeding more than I expected it to,” Kyungsoo explained, cupping the other’s cheek.

Jongin slowly looked into the doctor’s eyes, and for the first time ever, he looked vulnerable.

“I did that, didn’t I?” he whispered.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Why doesn’t it? It does matter. It matters to _me_ , Soo. _I_ did that to _you_. How can it not matter?” Jongin said, his voice breaking. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I’m so sorry that I hurt you like this.”

“I’ll be okay. I just need to get it treated, that’s all.”

“Let me do it,” Jongin said immediately. “It’s the least I can do for doing this to you.”

Kyungsoo paused for a second, unsure,  but seeing the guilt in the other’s brown eyes, he decided to agree.

“Wait for me in the washroom, then. I’ll go bring the medical kit and a fresh towel.”

The doctor walked in on Jongin nervously pacing back and forth in the bathroom and seemed relieved as soon as he saw the shorter male’s face.

With a small smile, Kyungsoo placed the kit and the towel on the counter and turned to face Jongin.

“Tell me what to do,” Jongin said as he opened the medical kit and pointed to all the supplies inside.

Kyungsoo chuckled and explained to the other about how to clean the wound and treat it.

“Okay,” Jongin said after having listened carefully. “Well, first, remove your coat, it’s got blood on it.”

Kyungsoo removed it and placed it at the side. Jongin wrapped his arms around the doctor who yelped in surprise, and easily lifted him and placed him on the counter.

“Stay still, Soo.”

Kyungsoo remained silent and gazed at the tan male in front of him who was carefully treating his injury with cautious fingers.

Once Jongin was done, he heaved a sigh of relief and gave a small smile at the doctor. “All done. Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah,” the doe-eyed male smiled back. “Your hands were trembling when you were treating my wound.”

“I know. I was scared… and ashamed,” Jongin mumbled.

“You were avoiding looking into my eyes, too, like how you’re still doing it,” Kyungsoo stated, and Jongin remained silent, looking elsewhere.

Kyungsoo took Jongin’s hand in his and his breath hitched. “Jongin, your knuckles…”

“It doesn’t hurt,” the male said and retrieved his bloodied knuckles.

Kyungsoo groaned and ruffled his hair. “Show them to me.”

Jongin reluctantly showed them when the doctor looked at him crossly. Soon, his knuckles were also treated and covered.

As soon as Kyungsoo was done, Jongin leaned down and captured his soft lips in a chaste kiss. When he broke it off, he placed his forehead against the other’s.

“I’m really sorry, Soo; for what I did to you. I just completely lost it when I saw you being pushed away by that other guy, but I ended up hurting you worse. I’m so sorry,” Jongin muttered, his eyes glistening.

“I’m not going to say it’s okay, because it’s not, but you’re forgiven. Just don’t do anything next time if something like this happens again, okay? You could end up in trouble worse than I would.”

Jongin smiled slightly before kissing the doctor again, this time longer. Kyungsoo melted into the kiss and his arms wrapped themselves around Jongin’s neck while Jongin grabbed the other by the legs and pulled him towards the edge of the counter so that the only thing between them was a few layers of clothing.

Jongin’s arms tightened around the small waist of the doctor’s and his tongue was running on Kyungsoo’s bottom lip, asking for permission to enter. As soon as he was granted, he didn’t hesitate to explore the hot cavern ardently.

Kyungsoo’s body trembled with delight and goosebumps broke out on his skin when Jongin’s hands slipped underneath his shirt and ran up and down his bare back as he continued to kiss the doctor passionately.

When Kyungsoo broke off from the kiss to breathe, Jongin started to leave a trail of soft kisses on his neck without a delay. Kyungsoo couldn’t stop the erotic moans that escaped from him due to the pleasure and tilted his head back leaving his milky white skin open for Jongin’s eager lips.

“Jongin, w-wait,” Kyungsoo mumbled. “We might get caught by someone. S- stop.”

Jongin grunted and continued to kiss the frantic doctor unbothered.

Kyungsoo reluctantly pushed the other off and breathed out heavily. As if on cue, the bell rang outside, and Jongin let out a long string of colorful words.

The flushed doctor jumped down from the counter, put all the supplies back into the kit, and rushed out with the kit, towel, and his coat in his hands. Jongin went after the doctor who entered his room, still red in the face.

Jongin couldn’t help but chuckle at how adorable Kyungsoo was when he was flustered.

“You know, you’re really cute when you’re embarrassed,” Jongin said as he closed the door behind him.

“Shut up,” the red-faced male shot back.

“And I never knew you could make such interesting sounds like that, either,” Jongin grinned cheekily.

“Oh my God! Shut up, Jongin!” Kyungsoo shrieked as he threw the towel at the laughing man.

After a few minutes when Kyungsoo was only a slight shade of pink, he gathered everything and turned to Jongin.

“You know, the Head will not be happy about what happened today. You’ll have to apologize to the Head, and also to the patient.”

Jongin’s lips set into a straight line and he looked displeased.

“Don’t tell me you can’t apologize for what you did today?”

“Why should I? I was only trying to protect you, that’s all.”

“But you were way out of line today, Jongin.”

“I can’t help it,” Jongin growled. “It’s the way I am.”

“Well, then, you’re wrong, so you have to apologize.”

“Doctor, do you know what happens when you free a caged animal that’s been fed bloody meat and taught the bloody ways of surviving? It continues to feed on bloody meat and live the bloody way of survival it was taught,” Jongin said brusquely. “Why do I need to apologize for what I’m like when no one – not one person – was ever sorry for making me this way? I was _made_ this way.”

Kyungsoo blinked back in shock and sighed heavily. _This is not going to be easy; he doesn’t think he did anything wrong except for the fact he accidentally hurt me._

“I…” the doctor started hesitantly, and then sighed again. “Nevermind, we’ll talk about this later, Jongin. We need to talk about it. But for now, let’s stop here.”

Jongin’s steely gaze focused on the floor.

“I’ll get going now, but just stay out of trouble, okay?” Kyungsoo said.

“Will you be in trouble because of me?” Jongin asked almost inaudibly.

The doctor bit his lip. “I don’t know what’ll happen, but let’s hope for the best.”

Jongin’s shoulders slouched over in worry but he managed a small nod. He slowly walked to the doctor and leaned down to place a soft kiss on Kyungsoo’s forehead.

“I’ll see you soon, Soo, and once again, I’m sorry for hurting you,” Jongin muttered.

Kyungsoo managed a small, sad smile before standing on his toes to kiss the taller male’s lips. “See you, Jongin.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
>  
> 
> So who didn’t expect Jongin and Sehun to be step-brothers? :D
> 
> And who did guess that they might’ve been step-brothers? Congratulations to the people who guessed it right!!! Woohoooo!!! We’ve got some Sherlock Holme’s readers then xD
> 
> This is also probably the longest chapter I’ve typed out… exceeding 3500 words. Whew! It was so hard to actually complete it but I’m grateful that I’m finally done with it, but I hope it was enjoyable for you all and not a bore despite it being hella long :’D
> 
> Any ideas on how the story will turn out in the future chapters? Lemme know in the comments ;)
> 
> Comments are upvotes are greatly appreciated! *gets down on my knees and bows to you*
> 
> See you all in the next chapter! :D
> 
> -DW


	21. Sometime You Have To Save Yourself Instead Of Saving Everyone Else

Kyungsoo’s footsteps echoed through the hallway as he made his way to the Head’s office nervously. The news about what had happened in the cafeteria had spread like wildfire, and things were not looking good for Kyungsoo, especially since he was new and was assigned to a patient that was known all throughout the hospital for all the wrong things.

Taking in a deep breath, he knocked on the door. He entered as quietly as possible when he heard Joonmyeon ask him to enter.

“Ah, you’re here,” the Head sighed out in relief when he saw Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo smiled and bowed as he strutted towards the table full of files and papers.

“Please, take a seat,” Joonmyeon motioned towards the chairs in front of the table.

Kyungsoo felt eyes boring into him as he took a seat directly in front of the Head and he gulped, already having a bad feeling about what was about to come.

“I heard about what happened yesterday from a few doctors and even watched the CCTV cameras around the cafeteria to fully understand what had happened, but I thought I might also hear it from you since you were there and Kim Jongin is your patient,” Joonmyeon said as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “So, doctor Do, tell me exactly what happened yesterday, please.”

“Ah, well, I was just talking with Jongin at the cafeteria when suddenly there were loud noises and all, and I saw a frantic patient and of course I ran to help him and the doctors that had followed him. Before leaving the table, I heard Jongin call out after me, and I clearly remember telling him to stay there and not do anything.”

Joonmyeon nodded slowly as he stared at the nervous doctor attentively.

“Of course he wouldn’t have stayed there, I knew that, but I was hoping he wouldn’t have done something that might harm others or so. I talked to the patient – Eunhyuk – as I was the closest to him and slowly made my way towards him as I tried to calm him down. I looked at the two doctors behind him to help me, but Eunhyuk suddenly started screaming again and grabbed me and pushed me back and I tripped over a chair lying on the ground.” Kyungsoo said, grimacing at the memory.

“Is that what caused the wound on your forehead?” Joonmyeon asked, tilting his chin up at the plastered wound.

“No,” Kyungsoo said hesitantly, fidgeting with his fingers nervously.

“Then how did it happen?”

“Well, once I was back up on my feet, I saw Jongin on top Eunhyuk and he was… well, hitting him… quite hard. I tried to stop him from doing so but he didn’t seem to register who I was for a moment in that situation, I think, and I was pushed again and then I hit the corner of a table. That’s how I got this wound.” Kyungsoo swallowed the lump in his throat when the Head closed his eyes and held the bridge of his nose for a moment.

“It… it really is nothing though, sir. It hardly hurts now and I wasn't pushed that hard, I was just unbalanced and that must have been why I fell so easily,” the doctor said hurriedly so it wouldn’t be much of a problem.

“Maybe for you, doctor, but the higher-ups don’t think it was no big deal; especially when it comes to Eunhyuk. He has a black eye, a swollen jaw, and a broken nose and he’s being treated with extreme care. He hates medicine of any sort and basically is like a child, so everyone is having a hard time dealing with him currently,” the Head sighed tiredly. “I know you’re also trying to protect Jongin, but all the doctors who were also present there yesterday saw how serious your injury was by the amount of blood that had been dripping down your face. So, protecting Jongin right now is a futile attempt when there were so many witnesses there.”

Kyungsoo looked down at his lap with shame and clasped his hands tightly together.

“Sir, I promise such a thing won’t happen ever again, I will control him next time. I’ll make sure of it. I’ll warn him about what the higher-ups think and not have him behave carelessly like that again,” Kyungsoo pleaded.

“I know, doctor. In fact, I am really pleased with the progress and all that with Jongin. It seems he’s talking more with you than he has with any other doctor. Actually, one of the higher-ups were in the cafeteria once when you and Jongin were there. He said he saw you, Jongin, doctor Yifan, and Tao. He also noticed that when you two were leaving that Jongin seemed more relaxed and comfortable around you. Even they are happy with how you’ve been handling him. The situation yesterday was uncalled for, so it’s no surprise.”

Kyungsoo held his breath. He felt like there was something else that was gonna come, and that it was not good news.

“But doctor Do, in case you haven’t realized, Jongin treats you very differently from all other people. Yes, he has IED, and that may have been the case yesterday as well, but he never acts so impulsively like that if it doesn’t concern him. He was protecting you yesterday, and if that’s the way he is going to protect you from harm doctor, what do you think you should do?”

The short male stayed silent as millions of possible solutions rushed through his mind.

“You will have to keep yourself away from harm, doctor. Please, if something like this happens again, please stay out of it, for the good of everyone.”

“What?” Kyungsoo asked baffled. “But… if such an emergency occurs, we need all the help we can get. We need to help the patients, don’t we, sir?”

“Yes, that is the protocol here. But we would rather not have a possible repetition of yesterday than not have you help someone in need of help in a situation like yesterday.”

“But, sir-”

“Sometimes we can’t save everyone, doctor Do,” Joonmyeon interrupted in a stern voice. “Sometimes, we might cause greater damage by trying to save everyone, especially if you know that such damage is a possible outcome of it. So not following the system might be a better option at times. Sometimes, you have to save yourself, too.”

Kyungsoo bit his bottom lip in disappointment and stared blankly at the ground.

“You must be disappointed and frustrated. Anyone would be if they were told to stay still during something that they should help with, but I really hope you understand what I’m saying.”

“Yes, sir,” Kyungsoo mumbled.

“Thank you.”

Kyungsoo was starting to get up when the Head held a hand up, and he sat back down again, wondering what else was left to say.

“Also, I actually talked to Jongin today; a few hours ago. There’s something that he has to say to you. It’s very important, but not something that you would like to hear, I’m afraid. We agreed to keep it between ourselves alone, but after yesterday, I felt that you should also know so that you know where he stands right now and can help him.”

“Not something I would like to hear?” The doctor asked in a quizzical manner.

“Yes, and what happened yesterday most definitely is not going to help him,” the Head sighed heavily. “You can go now. He wanted to be the one who told you, and I believe your session will be starting soon, right? You should get going now.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo said as he got up and bowed. “Thank you, sir.”

Kyungsoo’s thoughts were all over the place as he quickly made his way to Jongin’s room.

_Something I wouldn’t like to hear? What could be that bad? And they hid it from me?_

The anxious doctor didn’t even bother to knock on the door as he straight away entered the room and shut the door behind him.

A surprised Jongin sat up on the bed and looked at the other male in a puzzled way when the doctor took the chair, placed it next to the bed, and sat down right in front of his patient.

“What did you talk with the Head yesterday such that you two came to an agreement that you would tell me some news which I wouldn’t be looking forward to hearing?”

Jongin breathed out and rolled his eyes before he fell back into the bed.

“Why, hello. Nice to see you today, Soo. I’m doing fine, and how are you?” He said, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“I’m not joking, Jongin. What was I not told of about you?” Kyungsoo asked stiffly.

“It’s not that big of a deal, Soo. Really,” the other said reassuringly.

“Well, I don’t care if it’s a big deal or not. Tell me.”

Sighing, the tan male scratched his head in frustration before he sat up and faced the doctor.

“Fine, fine. I’ll tell you. But… just don’t freak out or something, ok?”

“You said it isn’t a big deal. What makes you think I will freak out?” the doctor asked with a raised brow.

Jongin sighed again before looking at the other’s face. “Well, you remember what my criminal records have been?”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo said without missing a beat. “Your parents, then there’s the seventeen people you harmed as stated in the information sheet, but according to you, it was twenty-two. There’s also the two officers and six psychiatrists.”

“Okay, I didn’t expect you to have remembered all that, but yeah. But here’s the thing, why am I in a mental institution when I am supposed to be rotting away in a jail somewhere for all of that?”

“Because you were ruled out to not be mentally fit. Rules that apply to mentally fit people in the court of law are not applicable to mentally ill people.”

“Exactly. That’s why I am here. I was said to have some PT… something D-” Jongin said as he furrowed his brows in a thoughtful manner.

“You mean PTSD?” Kyungsoo said.

“Yes, I think that’s the one. What is it again?”

“PTSD; post-traumatic stress disorder,” the doctor explained.

“Okay, I don’t really have a very good idea about what it is, but I believe that was the one.”

“It’s alright, you don’t have to know it right now. I’ll explain it to you later if you want to know.”

“Okay. Well, there was that, and something like… MDD?”

“Yeah, MDD,” Kyungsoo said.

“And something else too… I can’t remember it right now.”

“It’s okay, maybe you’ll remember it later on.” Kyungsoo comforted the male who seemed to think really hard.

“But yeah, so that got me at this hospital instead, but although I was counted as not a mentally fit person, the case is still ongoing right now, and the outcome is still unknown.”

“Wait, what? What case and what outcome?” Kyungsoo asked, confusion written on his face.

“The court case, and whether I do actually need psychiatric help or not. Whether I should be jailed or remain here.” Jongin said in a very low voice as he looked down at the floor.

It took a moment for the doctor to process all that was said.

“Wait a minute,” the shocked doctor said. “Come again? Did you just say that your court case is still ongoing?”

“Yeah.”

“And you _kept_ this from me?” Kyungsoo asked, suddenly angry.

“No one really knew. Except for the Head of this institute, me, and the judges or whoever are in charge of the case.”

Kyungsoo remained completely silent for a few moments. When Jongin looked up at the doctor’s face, he exploded.

“What the actual bloody fuck?” Kyungsoo said getting up suddenly and causing the chair to fall backward. “And when exactly were you going to tell me this? If not for that incident yesterday?”

“When it was hopefully done with.”

“Are you actually serious? When it was done? So, like, in a few more years? I would get to know about it in a few more years?” Kyungsoo growled angrily.

“I’ve been in charge of you till now and I didn’t know this. I could’ve been more careful with everything and have watched you even more closely if I knew this. I would have stopped any trouble from happening if I knew this. I could have stopped you from messing it all up yesterday if I knew, Jongin!”

The infuriated male was now pacing back and forth in the room, his thoughts scattered everywhere as he tried to fully grasp the situation.

“Soo, it’s okay. It’s okay. It’s isn’t such a big deal.”

Kyungsoo stopped and glared at the male. “No, it’s not okay. It’s not fucking okay. Do you hear me? When did you even have time to go for the court cases anyway? I thought you were always here?”

Jongin sighed tiredly before leaning his back against the wall. “Remember when one day it was time for our session but I wasn’t here? I was late coming from somewhere else, remember? I was at the court.”

 

_You still have your session with Jongin today?_

_Where did they take him?_

_I don't know. I just saw two people and this doctor who I know, who tends to patients in the special wing, with him, and they all boarded this white car and left._

_Just... out. Nothing important._

 

 

Kyungsoo’s mind was reeling back to that day.

 

_You're right, something isn't right; it's wrong. Very, very wrong. And I can tell you, just not yet, because I don't want to make you worry nor give you false information. So, just wait a bit, Soo. Hopefully, in a while, everything will turn out to be fine._

 

“That day, you said that something wasn’t right. That it was wrong. Very wrong. So what do you mean by it’s not a big deal now? You didn’t look the least like yourself, Jongin. You looked tired and completely drained. You looked like you were close to giving up. So why? Why?” Kyungsoo asked as his voice cracked on the last word.

The doctor turned his back to the other as he felt the tears brimming in his eyes and a large lump form in his throat. He heard the bed creak from behind him and soon felt a pair of arms go around him.

“I was tired, yes, but I hadn’t given up. What made you think that?” Jongin whispered. “Soo, the court knows that it was self-defense. If I hadn’t gotten away from my parents, I would’ve gone insane.”

“Then what about the innocent people you hurt? The seventeen or twenty-two people you hurt?”

“It was also self-defense in some cases, as they tried to harm me in some way. But you know, not all of them were self-defense, because at times I saw someone being beaten or something on the streets, and I had to help them.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have!” Kyungsoo yelled as he turned around, not caring about the fact that tears were streaming down his face. “You shouldn’t have helped them, Jongin! You are in more trouble now because of them!”

“What else would you have expected me to have done then? Just let them get beaten up or abused as I walked away?”

Kyungsoo bit the inside of his cheek as he remembered the conversation he had with Head earlier during the day.

“You… you can’t save everyone, Jongin” Kyungsoo cried, his lips trembling. “Sometimes, you cause greater damage to yourself by trying to save everyone. So just, save yourself sometimes instead of trying to save everyone else.”

Jongin’s gaze hardened at the words that came out of the doctor. “Well, I didn’t know it would affect me in such a way anyway, so I would’ve done it either way.”

“You killed your parents, Jongin. You were then on the run and a wanted person. The least you could have done is not get into more trouble!”

Jongin exhaled loudly and went back to sit on the bed.

“You know what? We’re not getting anywhere with this, so just come and sit down. I’m tired, Soo, and I really don’t want to fight with you right now. Please, Soo,” Jongin said in a tired manner as he looked up at the doe-eyed male with a hint of desperation showing on his face.

Kyungsoo’s being was trembling as he tried to stop the sobs from coming out. He walked over to Jongin, fell onto his knees and hugged the other tightly while burying his face in Jongin’s chest.

“Don’t cry. Please don’t cry, Soo. I swear everything will be alright.” Jongin whispered as he rubbed the crying male’s back.

“You don’t know, Jongin. You don’t know,” Kyungsoo continued to cry. “You never know with this kind of thing. Right now you’re not at an advantage, so you don’t know. So don’t tell me everything will be alright if you don’t know for sure.”

Jongin remained silent as the other continued to sob. Kyungsoo broke away from the hug and his teary eyes fixated on the other’s face.

“I’m scared, Jongin,” Kyungsoo said as he shed more tears. “I lost you once, and I’m so, so scared that I’ll lose you again.”

Jongin’s heart broke looking at the crying doctor.

“I don’t ever want to lose you again.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
>  
> 
> \-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
>  
> 
> It's not a crime to care for yourself than others. To love yourself more than others. To save yourself first before everyone else. It doesn't necessarily mean that you are a selfish person or that you don't care about them, but that you have realized that you have to sometimes help yourself in order to help others.
> 
> There goes a quote that says "you can't pour from an empty cup", so help yourself first before you help others. Fix yourself first before you fix others. Love yourself first before you love others. You may try to save everyone, but then is there anyone out there to save you? Maybe. It's a possibility. It's always a possibility. We come into this world alone, and also leave this world alone That's why you have to be your own pillar of strength and your own hero and save yourself first. That way you can also help someone else out. It's not selfish to care for one's self or to love yourself or to fix yourself first. It's not a crime.
> 
> It's a realization. It's maturity. More importantly, it's acceptance.
> 
> So don't forget to help, love, fix, and save yourself, too :) 
> 
>  
> 
> \-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
>  
> 
> Lolll… I am back with another chapter after a long time, and this time it’s an angsty one :’)
> 
> I hope it wasn’t too angsty for ya’ll… because there’s more coming up! So prepare well for em ^~^
> 
> This hasn’t actually been properly edited… so yeah, sorry if there are mistakes :’(
> 
> I will correct it when I can :)
> 
> Also, anyone who saw this coming? The fact that Jongin’s court case was ongoing? No? Mwahahahahaha! Yesh! I am happy then! :D
> 
> Anyway, comment, vote, and subscribe! Hope ya’ll liked it lots!
> 
> Love ya’ll!
> 
> -DW


	22. The Beginning Of The End (Part 1)

Jongin gripped Kyungsoo’s arms and slowly brought the sobbing male onto his lap. Kyungsoo’s arms automatically went around Jongin’s neck as he tightly wrapped himself against the other and placed his head on Jongin’s shoulder.

Jongin’s arms enveloped the sobbing male around his waist and he embraced the shaking frame gently, rubbing the doctor’s back in a soothing manner. After a few minutes, when the crying quietened down to soft sniffles and occasional hiccups, the arms around Jongin’s neck loosened up and Kyungsoo pulled back to look at Jongin.

Jongin couldn’t help but break into a small smile seeing Kyungsoo’s red eyes and a red nose from the crying.

“What are you smiling about?” Kyungsoo asked, sniffling.

“Just… how adorable you look with your red eyes and ever reddening nose,” Jongin said smiling as he brought his right hand up and brushed the red nose, making Kyungsoo twitch his nose in annoyance.

“It’s not funny,” the doctor mumbled, as his ears also started to turn red, causing Jongin to chuckle. “I’m serious, Jongin. It’s not funny. How can you be laughing during such a serious situation?”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” Jongin said as he softly kissed Kyungsoo.

Jongin burst into laughter when the surprised doctor hiccupped loudly. Kyungsoo smacked Jongin’s shoulder embarrassedly before placing his head again on the other male’s shoulder, his hands also snaking around Jongin’s waist.

They remained that way for a long time, with only the sound of their breathing and Kyungsoo’s soft, irregular sniffles filling the silence.

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo asked after the sniffling had stopped after a while.

“Hmm?”

“Can you tell me more about your past? Like, about Sehun? And your step-mother and all that happened?”

Jongin remained silent for a few seconds before he shifted a little and lay down on the bed with the doctor facing him.

“What do you want to know?” Jongin asked hesitantly.

“How about from the beginning? If it gets too hard for you, you can always stop. You don’t have to force yourself, understand that. And also know that I am here with you now.”

Jongin smiled and rubbed Kyungsoo’s cheek softly, “I know, Soo. Thank you.”

Jongin’s brows furrowed as he began to sift through his memories back to where it all had started; to the very beginning of the end.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

_Months had gone by after the accident when Jongin had lost all hope that Kyungsoo would ever call him, and it was then that he started to slowly lose hope in his father as well - or at least the shell of a person that used to be his father._

_The man that Jongin once knew as his father was slipping through his fingers like fine sand. Being blown away by a wind so strong that he couldn't have grasped it even if he had tried to._

_So many months went by with Jongin mourning for his mother, and also wondering where it had gone wrong or what he had done wrong with Kyungsoo such that he had lost all contact with the boy. With the heartbreak of his mother gone and the end of his innocent first love, Jongin trapped himself in a world of pain trying to fix the million shattered pieces of his heart alone; all the while unaware about his father falling deeper into a pit of misery and depression by the day and teetering dangerously close to edge of insanity._

_Almost five months after the accident were the signs impossible to miss, and that was when Jongin first felt something other than sadness, pain, or hopelessness._

_Fear._

_The kind of fear that Jongin never knew could have ever existed. The fear of seeing a stranger in the father he once used to know. The fear of losing another loved one._

_Jongin changed once he noticed all of what was wrong. The amount of conversation between the two had reduced to almost nothing unless it was necessary. Even if the two were in the same room, Jongin's father seemed detached from the world around him and kept to himself. The lack of interest in both Jongin's and his own life worried Jongin more than anything._

_It became a habit of Jongin's to sleep with his father as he had nightmares in the beginning. When they decreased, he continued to sleep with his father as he tried to desperately cling onto his father. He missed the warmth his father once used to exude._

_Six months had passed after the accident and Jongin barely recognized the person who only just resembled his father. The time spent together was almost non-existent. In the morning when Jongin had to go to school and his father to work, and very late in the night were the two times Jongin got to see his father._

_Whatever conversation Jongin initiated was cut short by the short replies. Whatever affection Jongin showed was either half-heartedly reciprocated or not at all. Whatever happy news Jongin had and shared excitedly with his father was always met with an empty smile, a pat in the back and an indifferent 'good job'._

_Seven months after the accident and Jongin smelt the disgusting stench of alcohol for the first time on his father one night._

_Jongin had fallen asleep on the couch with the television switched on as he had been waiting for his father to arrive. He had so much to say to his father as he had received his report card that day at school, and he had scored very well in all the subjects. His eyes opened at once and shot upright as soon as he heard noises of someone entering the house noisily._

_Jongin entire body tensed up as he feared that someone might have broken in since his father had never made such a ruckus while entering the house._

_Jongin felt his being relax when heard his father's all too familiar voice call out in a slurred manner, "I'm home!"_

_Jongin got up and walked towards the door but stopped in his tracks when he saw his father leaning against the wall for support, breathing heavily._

_"D - dad?"_

_Jongin took a few steps back in horror when his father raised his head to look at him. The man he saw that night was a mess. It was the moment when Jongin realized that he had been trying to win a battle of saving his father when he never even had a chance to begin with to do so; he had lost before he had even begun._

_Jongin's father managed to give him an empty, crooked smile before pushing himself off of the wall and staggering towards the couch, barely managing to not trip over his own feet._

_Jongin's heart was beating at a mile a minute. He heard a rough slump before he gathered all his courage and walked to his father who was sprawled across the entire couch._

_His father's disheveled hair and half torn shirt shocked him, but more than anything, the dried up blood on his face and shirt scared him to the bone._

_"Dad? What happened to you? You're hurt!" Jongin said, feeling a lump form in his throat as his eyes started to suddenly sting._

_Only the labored breathing continued for some time before his father shifted on to his side so he could face Jongin who was kneeling on the floor in front of him._

_"Ha... ha..." the man said, his lips breaking into a smile so foreign to Jongin that it sent chills down the younger's spine. "I saw mom today."_

_The word 'mom' alone was enough to make Jongin break into tears that he had to bite his lips to stop the sobs from escaping his mouth._

_"It was while I was having a small drink. I know that I promised your mom that I wouldn't drink, but I just... couldn't help it. And then suddenly, she was there. In front of me," his father continued to talk, and the hint of a smile, a genuine one, was present for a split second before a frown replaced it as soon as it had come. "But she... she was not happy with me - or with what I was doing at that time. She was... she was crying. I made her unhappy. I made her sad, and she was crying."_

_His father's eyes were also full of tears as his voice started to tremble, "But I didn't stop, because I knew she would go if I stopped. I couldn't stop. I didn't want her to leave me again. Not again. So I... I just continued a-and I just... watched as she c-cried. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Jongin. I made mommy cry. I... I hurt her."_

_Jongin hugged his father tightly as they both cried._

_"But they..." Jongin's father continued as his face hardened and he grit his teeth in anger. "They came and told me to get out - this man and woman. I said no because I couldn't leave her alone. They said there was no one, but I knew they were lying, but when I... I turned back... she was gone. She left me. Us. I wanted to bring her home. She's been away for too long, hasn't she? But she was gone and I so... angry. They took her away from us again. I just couldn't stop myself and I asked them to bring her back. They said they had no idea who it was and that I should get out. Of course, I didn't. I was going to bring her back home, but they were yelling at me to leave so I... I fought. I knew she was there, and I was going to do my best to bring her back."_

_"D-daddy, please, no," Jongin whispered, his voice breaking in pain. "Please, don't get hurt again. You're all I have, daddy. Please."_

_"No, Jongin, I saw her there, and I will bring her back home, you'll see. She really was there."_

_"Dad!" Jongin said, tears streaming down his face as he grabbed his father's tear-stained bloody face. "She's gone, daddy. I wish that she was here with us but... she's not coming back. She's never coming back again, daddy."_

_The elderly man's teary eyes locked onto the younger's face and Jongin felt something change, even though nothing was visible to him, or maybe his vision was just blurry from all the tears, but he felt that the atmosphere around them turned cold. His breath hitched in his throat as his father's eyes suddenly became void of emotion and he pursed his lips tight._

_"You're just like them," the man deadpanned._

_"What? No! Dad, I'm telling the truth. I'm not lying. I... I, too, wanted her to come home after the... accident, but she never did. And I don't think she ever will. If she was here, she’d be back!”_

_The man pushed the hands of the little one away and he struggled to push himself up to a sitting position._

_“Don’t ever tell me that ever. Never. Again.” His father hissed, his tone dripping with venom and his eyes devoid of everything._

_“W-what?” Jongin managed to mumble in confusion before his father got up, accidentally knocking over Jongin to the floor._

_Jongin looked up at his father who was looking down at him with malice gleaming in his black eyes._

_“Go to sleep, and never let me hear such a thing come out of your mouth ever again,” the man said and walked away, his frame still swaying slightly from side to side._

_Jongin blinked repeatedly to fight back the fresh wave of tears threatening to spill over as he shakily got up._

_Jongin stayed seated on the couch, wiping the few stray tears from his face for some time before he decided to go to bed. He crept into his father’s room as silently as possible and stopped on his father’s side._

_His father had managed to take off his bloodied shirt and pants before he had passed out cold on the bed._

_Jongin took a face towel and some lukewarm water in a small bowl before he went back to his father. Dipping the towel in the water and squeezing the excess water out, he started to slowly and gently clean the gash on his father’s forehead_

_His heart almost stopped every time his father made the smallest of movements or sounds and he waited with bated breath for him to fall back asleep before he continued to clean the wound. When he was done, he got rid of the water, put the towel to wash, and got the small first aid box they had._

_With dread clawing at his heart, he carefully applied some antiseptic cream and put on a plaster on the injury before he let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding in. After putting the kit back where it belonged, Jongin switched off the lights and cautiously got into bed._

_The bed creaked loudly when Jongin’s father suddenly seemed to turn and shift closer to Jongin’s side of the bed. The little child also turned onto his side so he faced the sleeping man who smelt strongly of alcohol with a hint of antiseptic._

_Jongin felt the tears sting at his eyes again as he sniffed and curled up closer to his father’s frame._

_“Don’t leave me too, daddy. Please don’t. You’re the only one I have,” Jongin said in a hushed tone, tears falling once again as his heart broke for the man he once knew as his father. “I love you, dad.”_

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

_The relationship that was left between the two after the accident further deteriorated after that night, but Jongin was still determined to help his father._

_His father didn’t seem to care about how Jongin’s life was going, never asked him about school, or anything related to him. The only time he seemed to talk at least a little with Jongin was when he was heavily intoxicated and even then he continued to tell the little one he would bring home Jongin’s mother one day. Jongin had no choice but to make a little conversation with his father through that monotonous routine in order to try to get the man to loosen up to him._

_At first, though, Jongin’s father arrived home under the influence of alcohol twice or thrice a week and no more, but that soon changed and he could barely stand upright every single day he came home from work late during the nights._

_Jongin remained patient every single night and helped his father to the best of his abilities, even when his father sometimes lost his temper and yelled at Jongin for no apparent reason._

_This then changed and his father came home completely wasted but with a bottle more, instantly gulping the rest of it down if he felt that the younger wanted to take it away from him._

_It soon became a habit of his father’s to spend a lot of money on alcohol and get drunk during the weekends at home, or else he went out and stayed out the entire day, only to come back late in the night like every other day._

_Two months after his father had started drinking, he noticed a difference in the way his father spoke about his mother._

_“Jongin, I said I’ll bring your mother home one day, right? I’ll be bringing her back soon, you’ll see. I told you I would, didn’t I?”_

_Jongin wondered what he meant, but as nothing seemed to change even after two weeks of him repeating the same thing, he brushed it off._

_Until his father came home early one Saturday evening with a woman whom Jongin had never seen in his life before._

_“D-dad? Who is that?”_

_“Jongin! I told you, didn’t I?” His father smiled widely while clinging onto the woman who was helping him stand up._

_“Told… me?”_

_“I told you that I’d bring her home, didn’t I?” His father asked loudly, and Jongin’s eyes widened in pure horror as his eyes fixated on the woman._

_Everything clicked into place then. The change in the way his father spoke about bringing his mother home._

_Jongin’s heart was filled with dread as he prayed that his father wasn’t implying what he was thinking._

_“Look here,” his father said as he wildly swung an arm in the direction of the woman. “I finally brought her back home.”_

_Jongin was unable to tear his eyes off of the woman in their house. His hairs were standing on the end and he felt multiple chills run down his spine._

_After his father had ‘introduced’ the stranger, Jongin was gripped with a new kind of fear when he saw the woman smile in an eerily mocking manner at him, her eyes shining with mischief._

_It was the kind of fear that he had never experienced before; where all of his insides were curling upon seeing the woman, and everything about her seemed to reek of danger._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> Yep. Back after a loooooong time :p 
> 
> I worked on this chapter for a week and I'm still not satisfied. Oh well, I tried my best to make it enjoyable, and I hope it wasn't that bad.
> 
> Although I haven't updated in a long time, it doesn't mean I have abandoned this story. Nope nope. I will finish this one way or another ;)
> 
> I will try my best in the next update. Of course, this is the 'part one' for Jongin's story, so there's more.
> 
> How did it feel reading his story? Or at least half of it, at least? For now? I hope it was good ^~^
> 
> ALSO! I WANNA MAKE A PLAYLIST FOR THE CHAPTERS! MAYBE NOT ALL OF THEM, BUT DO YA'LL HAVE ANY RECOMMENDATIONS FOR ANY OF THE CHAPTERS? I AM OPEN TO ANY SORT OF SONGS/ MUSIC PIECES. I WILL LISTEN TO IT AND SEE IF IT'S SUITABLE TO BE ADDED TO THE CHAPTER. IT IS ALSO POSSIBLE FOE A CHAPTER TO HAVE MORE THAN ONE SONG, SO LEMME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS OR AS A MESSAGE OR WHICHEVER IF YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS!!! THANK YOU!!!
> 
> If you haven't hit the upvote button yet, would appreciate it if you would! Comment and lemme know what you think about the this chapter too! I just really, really hope it was still a nice read :'D
> 
> See ya'll in the next update! <3
> 
> Love ya'll!
> 
> -DW


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